Paradigm City - Fan Fiction

Paradigm City - A fan site dedicated to the anime series Big O

Belonging

Part 9

"What the...?" Roger tried to decipher what he was seeing on the phone screen. The images were grainy and full of static. Was that... Dorothy? The chair she was sitting in seemed vaguely familiar. "Who is this?" he demanded. There was a burst of noise from the speaker and everything suddenly clicked into place. "Big O, I'll be right there!"

"Who was it?" Norman asked frantically.

"Dorothy is with the Big O," Roger told him. "I've got to get over there, Alex left for the arena over an hour ago to do some work on Big Fau!" He ran to his car, breaking a number of laws as he burned rubber trying to get to the arena as quickly as possible.

He parked as closely as he could to the bays, grabbed Dorothy's manual from the glove box just in case she was hurt, and hurried inside. Everything seemed normal, even quiet. The Megadeus was in his accustomed place and no one seemed to be around. A hint of movement caught his eye. Alex was walking towards the Big O, carrying a blowtorch. "Alex! What have you done?" Roger demanded. "Where is Dorothy?"

His brother glared at him. "What have I done? Better you should ask what you have done. I'm going to go get her, she's locked herself inside your Megadeus"

"What do you think I did, Alex?" Roger's voice was coldly furious.

"Piled all those ridiculous expectations on that poor machine! She wasn't programmed to simulate consciousness, and she's jumped through hoops trying to please you!" Alex sneered. "If you aren't willing to take proper care of her, give her back to me!"

"Give her...I can't give her back to you, she doesn't belong to me!" Roger said with frustration.

"Yes, she does. That's the whole problem!" the other man shouted. "She belongs to you and you're acting like she doesn't. You treat her like she has a will of her own, and it's ruining her."

Roger suddenly froze as his brother's words sank in. That was it. That was exactly it! Felix had been trying to tell him, too, but he hadn't understood. The murderous rage that had him ready to deal with Alex right then and there eased just enough for him to realize that Dorothy needed him more--and she needed him now. "If she's mine, then she's mine to handle. Don't you dare go near my Megadeus with that blow torch!" He turned his back on his brother and ran up the staircase to the control center. The access hatch was locked, but accepted his override.

Dorothy was huddled in the chair, her hair standing on end and her clothing torn and muddy. Her tears had made tracks through the dirt on her face. She was unmoving and unresponsive. Roger took the manual from his pocket, praying he wasn't too late. He quickly flipped through the pages and spoke the override command that would force her to listen to him. "RDW5001A, override 316-alpha-echo-21628. Prepare to accept orders!"

She jerked to a sitting position, her eyes dull. "Unit obeys," she said mechanically. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Item. Rename unit to R. Dorothy Wayneright. Substitute name for all instances of RDW5001A in database." he commanded. A person deserved a name, not just an identifying number.

"Running...command complete," she reported.

He flipped through more pages. "Item. Transfer control of Routine XL7336 to R. Dorothy Wayneright," he held his breath for a moment. If it didn't work...

"Running...command complete," she repeated. He let out a sigh of relief and began reading down the list, transferring control of every core program from him to her. The list wasn't a very long one, and they moved through it quickly. As long as she had command of the core routines, she could adjust the rest herself. "Command complete," she sat quietly, waiting.

She had to belong to herself. It had been staring him in the face right along. How could she truly be independent and make her own decisions when anyone could come along and force her to obey if they happened to have the right words? He took a deep breath. "Items. Transfer control of override 316-alpha-echo-21628 to R. Dorothy Wayneright and end override."

She didn't move for a terrifying moment. Had he been too late after all? Suddenly, she blinked and her eyes came alive. "Roger?" She seemed to be a little dazed, but she clearly recognized him.

"Dorothy, I'm sorry." He put his arms around her and pulled her close. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry I didn't help you."

"You don't hate me?" her voice was hesitant. "You don't want me to go away?"

"Of course not!" he punctuated his words by hugging her even tighter. "I made a terrible, terrible mistake. You didn't do anything wrong, Dorothy, I was the one who messed up. I should have given you control of your own routines a long time ago."

"R. Dorothy Wayneright belongs to R. Dorothy Wayneright?" she considered the idea.

"Just as she should," he said firmly. "I was an idiot not to have realized it."

"You're not an idiot, Roger," she automatically corrected. "Well..." she amended, "You are generally not an idiot on most days."

"Thanks," he was suddenly laughing all out of proportion to the comment as relief overwhelmed him. "When I told you that you didn't belong to me, I meant that I didn't believe that I owned you and could tell you what to do," he said.

"I don't understand," her voice was puzzled.

"There's two kinds of belonging," he explained. "One has the sense of ownership. My car belongs to me. A book belongs to me. They are mine to do with as I see fit. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," she said. "What is the other kind?"

"There's belonging that comes from the heart," he said slowly. "I belong to my family. It doesn't mean that they own me, or can dispose of me as they see fit, it means that they love me and I love them, and I choose to be there with them. Only you can decide that kind of belonging."

"I belong to... I own myself," she stated, thinking it over.

"Yes, that's right," he said encouragingly. "I don't own you, you own yourself."

"I understand," she said and fell silent.

"Dorothy, let's go home," he suggested. "Grandfather is going to be so relieved to see you're all right, and so is Dad. Everyone was worried about you."

She nodded and got up from the chair. Roger let her lead the way, lingering in the control room just long enough to pat the console and whisper his thanks to the Megadeus. "I have neglected myself," she observed as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Just a little," he agreed. "It's okay, you had more important things on your mind."

"I would like to clean up and change my clothes if it isn't too much trouble," she said.

"Sure," he walked with her to the women's locker room and sat down on a bench nearby. He had been waiting for nearly twenty minutes when Alex came around the corner and confronted him.

"So everything's fixed up all nice and pretty until you blow it again?" Alex jeered.

Roger realized almost regretfully that the killing rage had left him. The sight of his brother left him feeling nothing more than a sense of utter disgust. He would have to let his father handle it now, although if he could have his way, Alex would already be in the hands of the authorities facing the consequences of rape and attempted murder. Unfortunately, given that Dorothy was an android, it was unlikely the police would even make an arrest. "Actually, you made me realize what I had been doing wrong," he said. "Once I understood that, I knew how to fix it."

"Did you finally come to your senses and reset her?" his brother asked, looking surprised. "I can't believe it."

"Of course I didn't reset her," Roger frowned. "No, you made me realize that I couldn't have it both ways. I couldn't say she was a person and have command over her at the same time."

"You're joking, right?" Alex grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "She's--she isn't even a she! It's a machine shaped like a female, don't you see that? A toy! An amusement, not a person!"

Roger angrily ducked out of his grasp. "She's a person. She's been a person for a long time now. Just because you don't want to see it doesn't mean it isn't true."

"It's an android! I can't believe that this idiocy has been allowed to continue!" Alex raged. "I brought home a plaything and suddenly the whole household is acting like it's the Second Coming of Christ because the stupid doll learned a few new tricks!"

"It isn't a matter of a few tricks!" Roger shouted back. Maybe his anger hadn't deserted him after all. "There is a someone in there, don't you understand? Somehow, some way, everything came together and she became like us, more than the sum of her parts."

"He doesn't know I am here." Dorothy had quietly joined them. She had done a lot more than wash up--it looked as though she had taken a quick shower. She had changed into the spare jeans and t-shirt that she kept in her locker for those days when she was doing particularly messy jobs, and she was wearing her team cap, her hair pulled back into the familiar ponytail with the bright green bow.

Roger smiled in spite of himself, reminded of the all the happy hours they had spent--and would continue to spend--working together. "What do you mean, Dorothy?" he asked in a much gentler voice.

"I'm sorry, Alex," she spoke directly to the other man. "I am no longer what you think I am, and what you did hurt me."

Alex shook his head, an expression of disbelief on his face. "Is this your idea of some kind of sick joke, Roger? Did you tell it to say these things?"

"I am saying it myself," she tried addressing him again. "You think that Roger has something that you want, just like he always has the things you want. But I am telling you I am not what you think I am, and even if you had me, it would not make you happy."

"I always have the things he wants?" Roger looked down at her in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"I understand now," her voice was clear and sure. "I didn't before, but now I do. It's the same mistake that I made, the same one that you made, Roger. When he hurts, he doesn't want people to know he's hurting so he hides that anything is bothering him. I couldn't tell you about what happened because I knew it would make you unhappy. You couldn't tell me how you felt about seeing me with Alex because you thought that it would make me unhappy. He couldn't tell you that it hurt him that you took me away because he didn't want to admit that he loved--" her hand suddenly flashed out and caught Alex's as he reached for her. "I will not permit you to touch me that way again. I didn't want to be with you, and it hurt me when you made me do those things."

Roger stepped forward, fury in his eyes. "Keep your hands off her!" Maybe he would kill him after all.

His brother yanked his hand free and stepped back. "You can spare me the psychoanalysis program." He wouldn't meet Dorothy's eyes. "Tell you what, Roger. I'll fight you for it. You in Big O, me in Big Fau, first fall loses and the winner decides what to do with it."

"Have you missed everything I just told you?" Roger was beyond disgusted. "I can't fight you for her because she isn't mine to give away! What do we have to do to convince you?"

"I'll fight you," Dorothy said suddenly. "I'll pilot Big O, and if I win, you'll have to admit that I'm not what you think I am."

"Dorothy, it's pointless! He's going to think what he thinks, don't waste your time," Roger protested.

"And if you lose?" Alex leered. "What do I get if you lose?"

"Me," she answered.

He laughed uproariously. "This is going to be a sight to see! Start planning what you'll be doing this evening, little love-bot, because I am going to expect you to be very inventive." He turned to Roger. "It has to pilot by itself, you can't be in the control room. You tell me that it thinks by itself. I say that it can't, and this battle is going to prove it. It may have learned how to move the Big O around on the field, but there's no way a program can keep up with the real-time decisions of an actual fight. When I win, you'll have to admit I'm right!"

"There is no way I'm going to let you do this," Roger protested.

"Why? Afraid I'll win?" Alex mocked. "Don't you believe your own words?"

"It's stupid and childish," his brother snapped.

"If this is what it takes to get you to see reality, this is what it takes. You need to open your eyes, little brother," Alex informed him. "I'm even going to be generous here. If it gives me a good enough fight to convince me that it's anticipating my moves and manages to come up with some offensive actions that aren't carbon copies of yours, I'll give it the win, even if I knock it down."

"No. Absolutely not," Roger refused to yield. "You're going to have to get your proof some other way. You know she's never been in a real match."

"Please," Dorothy put her hand on his arm. "Roger, I know you want to protect me from this, but you can't. You can't be watching me every minute, you wouldn't be happy with that, and neither would I. It's time I defended myself."

"Are you sure? If you don't win, he's going to want to wipe your memories," he reminded her.

"If my memories are wiped, I won't care, will I?" she pointed out. "I won't be there any more."

"I can't let you do this," he said, shuddering at the idea. "I just can't."

"Do I belong to myself or not?" she asked quietly. "If you meant what you did earlier by giving me command of myself, then it's my decision and you must let me be the one to make it."

Roger stood there and stared at her, shocked into silence. Slowly and reluctantly, he nodded. He turned to his brother. "I'm going to walk her up to the control center--I have a right to give her some last-minute advice just like any good coach would. I'll walk down to the field before I go to the stands so that you can see that she's alone. Do you agree?"

"By all means, advise away," Alex said airily. "I'll meet you in a half an hour." He headed towards his Megadeus, chuckling to himself. "This is going to be fun!"

Dorothy simply shook her head and went back up the stairs to the Big O, Roger following closely behind. She got herself comfortable in the pilot's chair, adjusting it so that she could reach the foot pedals and hand controls easily. "He's going to try to catch you unawares. He likes feints, so try to anticipate the move behind the move if you can," Roger told her. "He tends to rely on this, so if you have something ready and don't fall for it, he won't have thought far enough ahead to counter you."

She nodded, finishing her adjustments. "Roger?" she stood and faced him. He looked at her questioningly and she put her arms around him. "Kiss me for luck?"

"For luck," he agreed and brought his mouth down to hers for a blissful moment. "Kick his ass," he told her and left while he still could make himself do so. He walked out to the field as agreed, waving at his brother, who had already brought Big Fau out to the starting circle.

Dorothy and the Big O arrived just as he was getting to the Rosewater seats. The two Megadeuses squared off and began. He watched as they circled each other, sizing each other up. If people who knew him had been watching, they would have realized right away that he wasn't the pilot. Dorothy had a certain economy of motion that was apparent to the trained eye. "That's it, make him come to you," Roger urged even though he knew she couldn't hear him.

Big Fau made the first move, feinting with his right hand and following it quickly with a punch from the left. Big O slid aside smoothly, and the punch hit empty air. There was a loud crash as the Big O's fist came from the side and made solid contact with Fau's torso.

The battle was almost excruciating to watch. Time after time, Dorothy and the black Megadeus anticipated Alex's plans, sometimes taking advantage of the openings to get in a solid hit, and sometimes simply stepping back and waiting. Fau's movements became more and more erratic. It was clear that Alex was completely losing his temper. "Careful, Dorothy!" Alex had jockeyed himself into a better position, and it looked like he was ready to let loose with his trademark rapid-fire punches.

"Yes!" Roger jumped out of his seat and ran to the rail. "That's exactly right!" Big O's arms snapped up just before Big Fau's first blow landed. The shields easily absorbed the shock, and the punches fell harmlessly. He glanced down at his watch. They had been fighting for almost 17 minutes, they were both surely getting low on fuel.

19 minutes...22 minutes...with the way his brother was expending energy, there was no way..."You bastard!" Roger screamed. His brother had cheated and taken extra fuel while he had been talking to Dorothy. He watched, furious with himself for not insisting on checking before the fight started. The smoothness of her piloting had conserved her supplies and kept her going for far longer than he would have in the same position, but she was going to run out at any second. If his fool of a brother thought that they were going to honor the bet when he had cheated, he had another think coming!

Suddenly, the Big O stopped in the middle of the field. Roger cringed as his brother wheeled around and backed up, clearly intending to simply topple him by running into him. Roger saw a small puff of smoke rise from the right elbow--no wait, it was steam, as if Dorothy had fired up the right piston. "What are you trying to do?" he shouted.

Big Fau turned and began to rush to the frozen Megadeus. When he was almost on top of him, the Big O suddenly dropped into a crouch and with split-second timing, the right fist slammed outward with the full force of the piston behind it. The punch caught Fau just above the knee, knocking his leg out from under him. Alex had too much momentum to stop, and Roger screamed himself hoarse as the Big Fau sailed right over Big O and landed with a satisfying crash. He ran down from the stands.

Dorothy was already lowering the ramp. "Make sure he's okay," she called, racing to catch up with him. In their concern, they didn't realize Fau was still active until he started to get to his feet. "The match is over!" Roger shouted. "She beat you fair and square!"

His brother's voice came over the Big Fau's outside speakers. "She couldn't have won! You must have been in contact with her somehow!" The ground trembled as the giant Megadeus got up and moved towards them.

"I wasn't and you know it. You couldn't beat her even when you cheated and took extra fuel. Give it up, Alex!" he yelled.

"Stand aside," came Alex's voice. "I'm going to take care of this little problem once and for all."

Roger put his arms around Dorothy protectively and faced his brother defiantly. "Then take care of both of us! I won't let you take her away from me!" He had never understood why his brother was always angry with him, and he had tried to avoid making it worse, sometimes at the price of things that he really wanted. This time, he would not back down.

"If that's how you want it, then fine!" Alex was beyond reason. He began to move towards them again. A sudden blast of noise made Roger clap his hands over his ears. Big Fau stopped dead in his tracks. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Alex clearly had forgotten the mike was on. "Fau, let's go! There's plenty of fuel! Big Fau? What's the matter?"

The ramp suddenly lowered and Roger and Dorothy ran towards it. "Alex, it's over," he said. "Give it up. You know the Megadeus is programmed to stop when it hears the "pilot down" signal, and it won't move again until the all-clear sounds."

By a combination of force and persuasion, they coaxed his brother from the command center and back to the bays. Roger went to the office to call home after a brief debate about leaving Dorothy alone with his brother. "I belong to myself now, and the problem that made it possible for him to command me is gone," she said, knowing that if she the left the two alone, the result was likely to be bloodshed.

When he was safely out of earshot, she stood looking at Alex, torn between her anger and a growing sense of pity. The feeling struck her as odd--after all the things he had done, it was hard to see him as even being human. There was a part of her that thought he was a monster who should be eliminated or at the least neutralized before he could hurt anyone else. And yet...a line from Nora's journal suddenly came to mind. "There are some things you just have to accept on faith," she said finally. "Even if you can't see a thing, if you can see it acting by the results, then you should treat it as a given." That was where the pity was coming from, she realized. The kind of inner hurt that would drive him to act like this showed he was very human indeed.

"How...how did you know what my mother said to me?" Alex stared at her in open-mouthed astonishment.

"I found one of her journals," Dorothy said. "She said that to you when you told her that animals didn't have feelings so what you did to them didn't matter."

"I was 8," Alex's eyes were far away. "She went and got our cat. She spoke to him very sternly and his ears went back and his tail went between his legs. I could see he was afraid. Then she patted him and told him she was sorry for scolding him and that he was a wonderful cat and I could see the fear going away. He became relaxed and he started to purr." He looked into Dorothy's eyes for the first time. "She said that even though I had no way to prove the cat had feelings, since he couldn't talk, I could tell that he did just by the way he was acting. She said that if he wasn't having a real feeling, I wouldn't have been able to put a name to it so quickly."

"Yes, Dorothy nodded. "Do you remember the time at dinner when you first brought me home when I kept on giving you the wrong responses?"

"I had to break it down for you," Alex said. "For whatever reason, you just couldn't string the logic together to come up with the correct answer."

"There were many times before I woke when I would have trouble following a chain of reasoning because it was too complex," she said. "Making a battle plan in real-time is much more complicated than that." If she could get him to say the words out loud, then maybe...

"It hurt you when I.. when I..." he looked down at the ground.

"Yes," Dorothy let the word hang in the air, a world of anger inside it.

"I... I never intended that," he managed. "I... I really didn't think you were... were... a person. I wouldn't have..."

"I know," she said.

"Grandfather will send a few crew over to get Big Fau back in the hangar," Roger came back from the office. "Alex, Dad will be here in a few minutes to pick you up."

His brother nodded wordlessly, seeming somewhat overwhelmed.

Gordon arrived a short while later. "Dorothy," he gave her a hug and sighed with relief. "Don't ever scare us like that again! No matter how bad it is, no matter how worried you are that it will upset us, you can always come to us and we'll help you. You're part of our family now."

"Part of your family?" Her eyes lit up.

"You'd better believe it!" he told her, hugging her again. He looked over to Alex. "Son, it's time to go, are you ready?"

Alex nodded. "I'm sorry," he choked out the words, looking straight at Dorothy. Roger looked over to him, startled. His brother sounded like he was on the verge of tears. Exactly what had she said to him? As Alex turned to follow his father out to the car, she surprised all of them by taking his hand briefly and patting it. "I don't forgive you, but I am not as angry as I was."

Norman arrived with the promised crew before Roger could start asking questions. He looked at Dorothy sternly. "Young lady, I don't know whether I should hug you or spank you! You had us worried sick!"

She ran over to him and he chose the first option, sighing in relief. She looked up at him anxiously. "I didn't know what to do, Grandfather."

He gave her shoulder a little pat. "I know. We could have lost you, though. It wouldn't have just hurt Roger, it would have hurt all of us. Promise me you'll never hide something that important again!"

"I promise," she said solemnly. "I understand better now, Grandfather."

"I hope so," he said. He turned to Roger. "What on earth possessed you to consent to a Megadeus fight with your brother?"

Roger shot Dorothy a warning look. "It seemed pretty harmless," he shrugged. "I figured I'd knock him down and that would be the end of it."

"What if one of you had been hurt, and out here with no medics available?" Norman scolded. "Of all the irresponsible, stupid things to do!" Roger listened without protest. He had badly underestimated how unstable his brother had become and it was true that he had endangered all three of them. If Big O hadn't been able to sound the emergency signal, he might not be here for his grandfather to lecture.

Norman finally wound down as the crew brought Big Fau into the hangar. "If Big O is fueled up, Dorothy and I will get him put away," Roger told him. "I feel terrible about dragging these guys out here."

"Pity you didn't think of their convenience before you began this little escapade," Norman said.

"I know," Roger said ruefully. "That's why I'm offering to take care of Big O, to get them finished and on the way back home as soon as possible."

"Very well," Norman gave his grandson a thoughtful look. "Is she really all right?"

"I think so," he answered. "I made a bad situation a lot worse with a careless remark."

"What remark?" the other man asked. Roger briefly explained what he had said and the additional problems it had caused. He didn't get too deeply into it, there was no point in upsetting the old man further. Tomorrow would be soon enough. "I see," his grandfather said finally. "Does she understand now?"

"I believe she does," Roger said. "I suppose I had better tell you now that I gave her full command of all of her core routines. I can't believe I didn't think of it before."

"What?" Norman was shocked. "Why would you do that?"

"It was time," Roger said simply. "We've been telling her to make her own decisions and choose what was best for herself. She couldn't, though, because she couldn't access all of the things she needed."

"Doing it had crossed my mind," his grandfather admitted, "although I was thinking more along the lines of her not being able to stop pain sensations without a specific command from you. She had a minor accident when we were working on Big O, got her wrist pinned. It was more uncomfortable than painful to her, but I was at a loss as to what I was going to do if some of those sensors needed to be shut down. You were away, and I had no idea where you had stashed the manual from last time."

"You're not angry with me, then?" Roger said hopefully.

"Not about that," Norman gave him a look.

"I really am sorry," Roger replied. "You're right, I didn't think, and it was wrong of me."

"You're giving me gray hair," his grandfather complained. Roger grinned, knowing it meant he had been forgiven.

"All fueled up," one of the crew members called over to them.

"Grandfather, please get these guys home," Roger pleaded. "I'll be along later, I just want to spend some time with Dorothy."

Norman sighed. "I suppose. I want to see both of you at breakfast tomorrow, though."

"Gladly," his grandson agreed. "I'll come by to say goodnight if you aren't already sleeping when we get back."

"All right," Norman turned towards the crew. "They'll take care of the other Megadeus, we're finished here," he called out. "Thank you very much for coming on such short notice."

Roger waited until everyone was gone. "Why don't you move Big O to the hangar?" he said to Dorothy. "I didn't want to do it with Grandfather still here--the minute he saw me fixing the controls, he would know that you had been the one dueling with Alex. He was upset enough when he thought it was me, and I know it's wrong not to tell him, but I thought it would be better to talk to him about that part later."

"Why would knowing it had been me make him more upset?" she asked.

"You hadn't actually been in any battles before," he reminded her. "He would have been furious that I had let you do it, and it would have been almost impossible to make him understand. I barely understand it myself." At her nod, he went on, " I'm not asking you to lie if he asks you directly, and I won't lie to him either, but if we can just let him go on thinking it was Alex and me for the moment, it will make things a lot easier. We can talk more about it tomorrow when everyone's gotten some rest."

"I understand," she said. "Okay, I'll bring Big O in." She went out to the field, quickly returning with the Megadeus. Roger hit the switch to close the hangar and shut the main lights down while she got everything properly secured inside and powered down.

When she didn't reappear immediately, he climbed the stairs to find out what was keeping her. She was sitting there in the control chair, apparently lost in thought. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"I was thinking," she said. "I was trying to understand the second belonging."

He leaned against the rail. "What don't you understand?"

"You can choose to belong to people because you love them?" she questioned.

"Yes," he answered. "It means you're a part of them, and that they are a part of you."

"You and I... we belong to each other," she said slowly.

"I think so," he said. "When we couldn't find you, it was as if I had lost a piece of myself. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without you."

She moved over and patted the seat. "Come and sit down?" He shrugged and joined her, squeezing in beside her. She put her arms around him and leaned against him, not saying anything for a while. "You know that I love you, don't you?" she said at last.

He gave her a little squeeze. "I know."

"Why are you so sure that's going to change?" she asked, her voice soft.

He sighed and motioned to her to lean forward, flipping a lever on the side of the chair so the back of it reclined. He slipped the bow from her ponytail and pulled the hat off her head, freeing her hair. "I don't know if your feelings will change, Dorothy." He tucked the bow into the hat and dropped it on the floor, then turned to his side, stretching out comfortably. "I just know that they might, and I don't want you to hate me for taking advantage of you when you needed me."

"How could I hate you?" she was incredulous. "Wait. I think I understand." She curled up with him, her head against his chest. The familiar sound of his heartbeat captured her full attention and she fell silent again.

He gave her a few minutes, stroking her hair. "What do you understand?" he prompted gently.

"I understand taking advantage," she said, lifting her head to look into his eyes. "Alex didn't see me, he only saw what he wanted and he didn't care what he did to get it. You don't want me to think that you're like that."

Roger nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He was angry at his brother all over again.

"He... he honestly didn't understand," she told him, leaning back against the chair. At the look on Roger's face, she hurried on. "Wait... He really believed that I wasn't a person and he thought it was wrong that you wouldn't repair me. I don't forgive him yet, I can't, but in time...a long time... maybe there will be peace between us."

"What did you tell him?" Roger asked.

"Something your mother told him once," Dorothy answered. "I hid in the attic when I first ran away, and I found one of her journals. I wanted... I wanted him to admit that he had hurt me."

"It's going to take a lot more than a little "I'm sorry" for me to forgive him," Roger frowned.

"Me too," she said. "Maybe if you read the journal, it will make it a little easier. What your mother wrote helped me figure out what had happened with Alex and why he thought what he did. One of the things she said was that Alex had a very hard time because people weren't drawn to him the way that they were drawn to you, and he was always fighting to have something that belonged only to him. I... I think that I was one of those things."

"If you say so," Roger said doubtfully.

"I do say so," she said, snuggling back into him with a little sigh of contentment. "There were pictures of you, too. You were a very cute baby."

"Oh no..." he groaned. "You didn't see the one of me lying on the blanket with nothing on, did you?"

"Which one?" she flashed him a wicked grin, and laughed at the face he made. "I wish I could have known your mother," she said.

"I do too," he said. "We all miss her. She was a special person."

"I could tell by the things she wrote," Dorothy told him.

He nodded and changed the subject before it got too painful. "You did a good job with Big O today, before I completely forget to tell you," he said. "I'd ask you to teach me that crouching trick, but I have a feeling it would take me a long time to get the timing down."

"Thank you," she seemed disinclined to discuss it further.

"Is everything all right?" he asked after another long silence.

"Yes, everything is fine," she smiled up at him and gently brushed a few stray hairs out of his eyes. "I am still thinking, that's all."

"About what?" he asked.

"You know that I love you and I want to be with you," she said after another moment. "But I think you haven't been entirely truthful with me, have you?" She paused again, obviously trying to find just the right words. "I understand why much better now, and it was right for you to do what you did."

"But..." he encouraged, adding the word that she clearly was thinking but hadn't spoken.

She met his eyes steadily. "But the thing that you wouldn't say to me... the thing that you have been hiding... I think...I think you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you."

He rolled back against the seat and closed his eyes, trying to avoid saying anything that would confirm it. After coming that close to losing her forever, he didn't have it in him to lie. He was on dangerous ground and he knew all it was going to take was for her to... He felt her shift position, and then she was kissing him so fiercely that it took his breath away.

She pulled away and he looked up at her. "You want to be with me," she said it again. It was phrased as a statement, but he sensed it was a question, too.

"More than anything," he admitted. She stared at him with an expression of wonder as if she didn't quite believe what she was hearing, and then they were kissing again and no words were necessary.

He had completely lost track of time when they finally separated. "You know that this is what I choose, don't you?" she asked. "My choice, not a program."

"Dorothy..." his eyes suddenly went wide as he realized what she intended. "I hadn't quite pictured it like this..."

She smiled down at him. "I love you, Roger. I will always love you." Her mouth met his and he surrendered to the inevitable.

***FIN***

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