The Paradigm Confessional Thread

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Originally posted by BethMcBeth spoiler (highlight to read): I am all worked up about going to see my parents in fl and it bothers me

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I am very nervous about meeting her parents in person. I mean, they sound okay over the phone. But I fear they wouldn't like me in person. Oh well, I hope I can make a good impression.

Wow...haven't done this in a while.

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My girlfriend is bisexual. I don't feel anything wrong with the subject, and I don't think it's going to make any difference on the relationship. However, the 5 hour distance probobly will (when we're away from school that is, and might be transferring, which will suck more). However, I can possibly see myself with her for the rest of my life. Kinda odd, since we've barely been together for that long, but she's just like me in every way.

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I have not smoked pot in a while. That's very good for me, actually. It's something I was trying to work on. I've been shitfaced a couple of times in the past month, which is also something I must work on.

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I want John Lennon's mellotron

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I really dislike my father.

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And if he continues his lifestyle. I will break his arm. I really feel like I want to physically hurt him. But I've never been the sympathetic type so........

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Originally posted by Avenir spoiler (highlight to read): I recently punched a loved one in the jaw under serious circumstances I won't bother to mention here. I do feel very remorseful but in a sense I also feel the aforementioned party deserved what they receieved.

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In relation to the aforementioned statement, at the suggestion of several friends, I am seeking guideance from a counselor alone next Monday for my temper as well as a moderate depression I have recently developed. I would like to see the rest of my family attend, but for now it is beyond my control. I do not intend to give up easily and my determination has skyrocketed.

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Originally posted by Avenir spoiler (highlight to read): I recently punched a loved one in the jaw under serious circumstances I won't bother to mention here. I do feel very remorseful but in a sense I also feel the aforementioned party deserved what they receieved.

some relatives can be so annoying. I don't blame you for what you did if they had it coming.

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Sometimes mine piss me off so much I wish I could do the same thing you did. This is partly the reason why I go to school far far away from them.

I feel the need to let this off my chest as it has been nagging at me.

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I flipped off someone on the road recently. My father and I had just left the gym one night last week and were heading to the local Chick-Fil-A for a bite to eat. We were in the middle of a three lane road; I was driving. There was a car slightly ahead of us in the lane to our right that was starting to drift into our lane. Out of fright, my father told me to move over to the leftmost lane immediately. There was another car approaching us in the left lane and I did not want to move over just yet, but my father grabbed the wheel and commanded me to turn. Therefore, I slammed on the accellerator and quickly moved to the left lane and then into the turn lane to the far left as we were approaching our destination. As we slowed to a halt, the car I had cut off drove by and the driver shot me a bird. In retalliance, I flipped them off as well as they sped away. My father got onto me and later apologized for almost getting us killed.

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Originally posted by Avenir I feel the need to let this off my chest as it has been nagging at me. spoiler (highlight to read): My father and I had just left the gym one night last week and were heading to the local Chick-Fil-A for a bite to eat. We were in the middle of a three lane road; I was driving. There was a car slightly ahead of us in the lane to our right that was starting to drift into our lane. Out of fright, my father told me to move over to the leftmost lane immediately. There was another car approaching us in the left lane and I did not want to move over just yet, but my father grabbed the wheel and commanded me to turn. Therefore, I slammed on the accellerator and quickly moved to the left lane and then into the turn lane to the far left as we were approaching our destination. As we slowed to a halt, the car I had cut off drove by and the driver shot me a bird. In retalliance, I flipped them off as well as they sped away. My father got onto me and later apologized for almost getting us killed.

Wow, close call man. It sounds to me like that was kind of a lose-lose situation. If you had changed lanes a little slower, you could have been hit by the other car. I'm glad that you made it out without a scratch though.

As for me, I have two confessions/ interesting facts

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Despite the fact that I am a very outgoing person, I am a terrible public speaker. I get incredibly nervous during speeches or presentations. I talk so fast that most people can't understand me.

And

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I am deathly afraid of my English teacher. He is an awesome guy, but I have a difficult time talking to him. I don't know why, as I can talk to most of my other teachers. What's worse, he asked me to help him make this creative writing course over the summer, so now I am basically forced to talk to the man.

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I'm arachnophobic I have a terrible stutter from my hated father I loathe most humans, easily considering many of them idiots I work better with computers, hence my average run time on forums throughout the net I have no idea why I'm writing this on a public forum

That about does it

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Originally posted by Sephiroth quote: Originally posted by Avenir I feel the need to let this off my chest as it has been nagging at me. spoiler (highlight to read): My father and I had just left the gym one night last week and were heading to the local Chick-Fil-A for a bite to eat. We were in the middle of a three lane road; I was driving. There was a car slightly ahead of us in the lane to our right that was starting to drift into our lane. Out of fright, my father told me to move over to the leftmost lane immediately. There was another car approaching us in the left lane and I did not want to move over just yet, but my father grabbed the wheel and commanded me to turn. Therefore, I slammed on the accellerator and quickly moved to the left lane and then into the turn lane to the far left as we were approaching our destination. As we slowed to a halt, the car I had cut off drove by and the driver shot me a bird. In retalliance, I flipped them off as well as they sped away. My father got onto me and later apologized for almost getting us killed. Wow, close call man. It sounds to me like that was kind of a lose-lose situation. If you had changed lanes a little slower, you could have been hit by the other car. I'm glad that you made it out without a scratch though.

Thanks.

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Originally posted by Sephiroth spoiler (highlight to read): Despite the fact that I am a very outgoing person, I am a terrible public speaker. I get incredibly nervous during speeches or presentations. I talk so fast that most people can't understand me.

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I've never been much of a public spokesperson myself. Granted, I was forced to participate in school plays too young perhaps and, due to circumstances I can't recollect, develop a strong stage fright.

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Originally posted by Lyinginbedmon spoiler (highlight to read): I'm arachnophobic I have a terrible stutter from my hated father I loathe most humans, easily considering many of them idiots I work better with computers, hence my average run time on forums throughout the net I have no idea why I'm writing this on a public forum

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I can sympathize to a certain degree. Especially on the note of the arachnophobia and despising certain people.

Confession time once again!

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I find that I interact and communicate more proficiently and openly with people older than me than I do with people my actual age of fifteen. More than likely, it's relevant to my psychological obscurity, but it is a rather nifty train of thought.

ommited.

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I am extremely narcissistic and superficial, most would consider me a pretty boy, but I'm a pragmatist at keeping myself from going too shallow and allowing it to affect my judgement.

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I am very sentient about my age and I don't tolerate any sort of animosity merely because I am fifteen years old. Of course, there are mandatory exceptions, but I find that disregarding someone's opinion primarily because of their age is absolutely absurd. In many cases, children can have more valuable opinions than adults, among other things.

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Drazil is real. Now I shall prove it. The best example I can think of is...kids. At times, I love kids, their great to talk to (cause they ask soo many questions) and they don't know very much anything, and, especially the kids at the church, their very happy, nice, excited, just living a good life. (Lizard) Other times, I wonder why the hell I'm working this job. (In a nut shell, assistant sunday school teacher, techie, kitchen person, and the only person with the stuff that proves I passed first aid/cpr) All they do is make a mess, tell you stories about something that happened at home, or to their mom, or a sibling or friend, that has absolutely no relevance to my lesson in the slightest and just wastes time, and when I tell them to put their hands down so I can finish, they make that dissappointed "oh" noise that makes me angry. (Drazil) Then, I say, I cant wait to have a kid, someone to be dependant on me for the first two decades of their life, someone to teach what I think is right, (lizard) then there's times I'm afraid of myself. Their gonna do something, I'll lecture, they'll do it again, I'll punish, they'll do it again I'll flat out beat them. I'll backhand them across the face, make them cry, and not be sorry about it. (drazil) Why I dont know if I want kids or not. For sure, I will not be a single parent. I'de want someone to beat me back into place. Now, you' say, those are just moodswings. I'm pretty sure their not. Lizard, tries to ignore problems completely, when that fails, cries, has no self esteem, the only talents are cooking and cleaning, wants to get married out of high school and support the house. (Blehhh...) Drazil, plots revenge on people she blames for her problems instead of crying about them, good kisser, wears a sickening amount of skintight black clothing (lizard wears skintight black clothing tastefully, not slutty) wants to drop out of school and join a gang... Where she came from, honestly, I dont want to think about it.

You can tell im somewhere between the two ego's right now. This doesnt depress me right now, but it will later on.

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Originally posted by Shaoblane spoiler (highlight to read): Drazil is real. Now I shall prove it. The best example I can think of is...kids. At times, I love kids, their great to talk to (cause they ask soo many questions) and they don't know very much anything, and, especially the kids at the church, their very happy, nice, excited, just living a good life. (Lizard) Other times, I wonder why the hell I'm working this job. (In a nut shell, assistant sunday school teacher, techie, kitchen person, and the only person with the stuff that proves I passed first aid/cpr) All they do is make a mess, tell you stories about something that happened at home, or to their mom, or a sibling or friend, that has absolutely no relevance to my lesson in the slightest and just wastes time, and when I tell them to put their hands down so I can finish, they make that dissappointed "oh" noise that makes me angry. (Drazil) Then, I say, I cant wait to have a kid, someone to be dependant on me for the first two decades of their life, someone to teach what I think is right, (lizard) then there's times I'm afraid of myself. Their gonna do something, I'll lecture, they'll do it again, I'll punish, they'll do it again I'll flat out beat them. I'll backhand them across the face, make them cry, and not be sorry about it. (drazil) Why I dont know if I want kids or not. For sure, I will not be a single parent. I'de want someone to beat me back into place. Now, you' say, those are just moodswings. I'm pretty sure their not. Lizard, tries to ignore problems completely, when that fails, cries, has no self esteem, the only talents are cooking and cleaning, wants to get married out of high school and support the house. (Blehhh...) Drazil, plots revenge on people she blames for her problems instead of crying about them, good kisser, wears a sickening amount of skintight black clothing (lizard wears skintight black clothing tastefully, not slutty) wants to drop out of school and join a gang... Where she came from, honestly, I dont want to think about it. You can tell im somewhere between the two ego's right now. This doesnt depress me right now, but it will later on.

Well, I certainly know what you mean and how you feel

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As is unfortunately quite common with a lot of writers, Overlord Tim from my stories is quite probably the equivalent of an alternate personality in myself. He often acts confident, powerful, and wise beyond his (or is that my?) years. He can get me into trouble with his superiority over a number of people, but he usually manages to stay calm despite his temper and almost never causes trouble anymore. Once again, I have no idea why I'm putting this up on a public forum

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Originally posted by Almasy spoiler (highlight to read): Lately, I've been so unhappy. There are so many negative aspects about myself that I think about almost every moment of every day. I've tried to resolve all of these issues for as long as I can remember, my efforts increasing more so these days, but to no avail, and I find myself becoming increasingly depressed. It's becoming harder and harder to cheer myself up, and all the negativity that I feel towards myself makes me want to do exactly the opposite of what I should be doing to resolve all the issues that I have with myself in the first place. I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle, and yet the very fact that I'm aware of it makes it a great deal harder for me to get out of it. There are so many goals that I've set for myself regarding a wide variety of things that I had hoped would get me out of that cycle, but I haven't achieved any of them, and the fact that I haven't also motivates me to do the opposite of what I should be doing to achieve those goals. The result is that I sink deeper into my depression.

To Almasy:

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This looks like your ARE clinicly depressed. Or maybe your just trying a tad too hard. Just sit down for a minute and relax. Ignore your false chains and simply strive forth. Look up towards your goals and dont mind the distance so much. The trip is always longer if you think about it. Peace 2 U, E.G.

As for mine..

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I am torn right now. I dont know whether to get on and forget everything I left behind in L.A. and embrace my new life, or dwell on it. I know I can't hold onto my past forever, and even time tries to erode my memories away. This and my dealings with that thing called "love" are quite taxing. I am, if you've ever actually came in contact with me, a very bottled up and quiet guy. Terrible public speaker, with a cruddy voice, I feel really inept. Coupled with the fact my family desperately depends on me and my parents insult me whenever I dont do everything perfect. The stress is insane, and with young sibs it gets worse. I also recently looked it up, and found out I might also have Aspergers syndrome(Thanks Avenir and veemon for mentioning it, it gave me some sort of consulation to some things). So blah... If you read this, thanks for lending an ear. I just needed to get this off my chest. PS LEASE READ THIS:The Other Coast

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Originally posted by GAT-X105 spoiler (highlight to read): You remember that girl I talked about a while back in the advice thread? She doesn't want to out with me. She never will. She says that I'm too nice. She says we would never be happy together. She says that she can be a real bitch sometimes and I don't stand up for myself. What pisses me off, though, is that I CAN. She said that when I went to her birthday party, she was rude to me and I didn't say anything. I didn't even think she was being rude. But apparently she was and because I didn't say anything I don't stand up for myself and I'm not what she's looking for. There's something missing that she can't name but it feels important. She said that she liked me at first because i was nice but she wasn't used to guys being nice to her. When we actually started hanging out she realized I was too nice. Which makes no sense to me but whatever. She says that I don't get what she's trying to say, about standing up. She said to stop analyzing why she doesn't want to go out with me, and I just said bye. I'm just really mad at myself because this is ALWAYS what happens. I'm great, there's no guys like me, they're so glad to meet me, then suddenly I'm TOO nice and she doesn't want to be anything more than friends. Ugh. I'm sick of it. Every single girl that I have ever liked, the same damn thing happens. Anyway, we're still friends and that's good.

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Girls can be strange like that on occasion....hell I'm so stubborn Lizard can't get rid of me! And she tried...yup. The whole "too nice" etc bit, ain't happenin. We're happy when talking and being together...so when that happyness leaves us BOTH, so will I. (And that ain't happenin for a loooooooooonnnngg while). So GAT if you really think her accusations are unfounded...TELL HER @_@ If you still want to be with her, do so...if you don't, just get a cold soda and move along. But hey, I'm not the greatest with relations...

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Originally posted by GAT-X105 spoiler (highlight to read): Yeah, I tried that. SEVERAL TIMES. She just says that I'm not getting it. She doesn't want to go out with someone if shes not 100% into it, which I think is impossible but she can't be convinced. Oh well. I doubt it will happen, but she might realize that she's missing something really great. She says that the distance has nothing to do with it. My parents say that's the REAL reason, but she pretends to blame herself to not hurt me. I don't believe them.

make her jealous?

how about this.

I get depressed, Evan cant do jack sh**, I get the ultimte anti-depressant.

PIXIE STIX and/or POCKY