The Paradigm Confessional Thread

Ahh. Where to start?

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I am homosexual, and a whole two people I know in real life are aware of it. The first one was uneasy about it at first, the second didn't care at all. Some hope there, but I'm usually depressed by this in general. I'm also extremely hopeless about finding love in the future. I've abandoned this forum for mIRC, and before that MapleStory. Yes, MapleStory, as embarrassing as it is. Most people who've looked at MS don't play it, or aren't motivated, enough to get to where the game's real fun is. I was sucked into that for a good two years. Now it's all mIRC. I'm in a state of mental confusion where I'm beginning to lose sight of who I am. The only reason I'm so closely connected to the internet is because here, no one has a face, and no one knows anyone else. It's only here that I could act as my true self (i.e. see confession #1) with little to no consequences in reality. My local social life is dying fast, and I feel as if there's nothing I can do. My judgment in others is causing my skull to explode or something, I don't know. I'm lost as far as a social life, and I've gone so rapidly through just about every existing emotion lately.

Elwood: "I think someone could use a hug."

It's cool man. Not like any of us 'round here would judge ya. Things will sort out in time, it's the way of the world and all that...


Hmm one from me...

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Feelin a case of unrequited love. I've a crush on this girl who was in my graduating class from High School. We're both in college now... but since I was almost completely anti-social in high school, I never got the chance to make my feelings known. Now she's got a boyfriend, who also happens to be a friend of mine... what's worse (for me, not them) is that they probably go better together I would with her. There are people telling me to forget about her and go do "the college thing", but I'm not like that. It'd getting really frustrating because I wish no illwill to either of them, but I wish she'd go out with me all the same.

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I have a really, really bad habit of ignoring a girl who is obviously interested in me, because I'm pursuing someone that I have absolutely no chance with.

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When I get drunk, I don't get all WOOOOO OHAHDHDAHA CHECK IT OUT I'M DRUNK like an idiot. I actually get more quiet and reserved.

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Originally posted by Mike spoiler (highlight to read): I have a really, really bad habit of ignoring a girl who is obviously interested in me, because I'm pursuing someone that I have absolutely no chance with.

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You should try the vice-versa: Ignoring the girl you're interested in and pursing the one that you might have a chance with. The lies you have tell yourself will drive you bonkers.

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Originally posted by Mike spoiler (highlight to read): I have a really, really bad habit of ignoring a girl who is obviously interested in me, because I'm pursuing someone that I have absolutely no chance with.

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I tried this, except the logic I was going by was "yeah she'll just become more interested". Except I didn't really do it correctly...oh hell it was high school who cares

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Originally posted by The Baker St. Irregular spoiler (highlight to read): I'm 19 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. (The one from kindergarten doesn't count.) I feel as if I could start a relationship with someone if I really wanted to, but I'm still afraid to. I'm not even sure what it is I'm afraid of, and it's likely I'm making too big a deal. However, something happened to me back in high school-- not dreadfully serious, mind you-- and I'm certain it's still affecting me today and keeping me from going out there to find a man. There are several guys I would be interested in, but I feel too intimidated...

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I know the original post came a few months ago, so this might not even be applicable anymore, but...hey, might as well post it, since it might be helpful for someone else, if anyone. I went eighteen years without a real girlfriend, and I didn't even have the one in kindergarten with which to count. So I can definitely empathize here. My advice? Don't be afraid of relationships, but more importantly, neither try to force one nor try to stop one that seems to be naturally forming. As soon as I stopped looking for love, it hit me in the face, and a wonderful, enriching, fulfilling, blissful--and I daresay perfect--relationship fell in my lap. Granted, unlike you, I suppose my problem wasn't so much being afraid of a relationship, but perhaps too welcoming for one, and trying to force relationships where they wouldn't have a chance. I suppose years of unrequited feelings, which I had the misfortune to suffer on multiple occasions, can do that to a person. Nonetheless, in my--admittedly limited--experiences, romantic relationships tend to form on their own. Not that you have no involvement in directing them or strengthening them, but hearts are funny things, and are more autonomous than we might like to admit. Like I said before, don't try to force anything, and don't try to stop anything. If there's someone you're interested in, well, don't be afraid to show your interest, even if it's in a subtle fashion. Hell, I showed interest in my current girlfriend before I realized I was showing interest (and vice-versa), so...yeah, sometimes these things will happen, outside any possible control we might have. ...I didn't mean for this to be as long or preachy as it ended up being. Nor do I even think it's all that helpful, but...eh, (formerly) hopeless romantics like myself can't help but jump into any conversation involving romantic relationships, no matter how unqualified in the subject we may be.