The Paradigm Confessional Thread

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bats?!?! wow, what part of the country? well, don't get bats up here... but when i go visit my sister in Queens, there is the occasional cockroach that just makes the room it was in off-limits... (if it's small enuff, i'll expunge it!) Volt, although rash, you did take action, and when she does find out about it, maybe you should have a serious talk with her. although you may be disappointed in her, and she is on substance, you can't rule out that she loves you, and is a rational person. shaoB: maybe solitude is a necessary process in recovery? i guess it depens on person to person. following some simple guidelines could help: as in: seek professional help if your everyday life and routine is disrupted, and know that there are certain individuals to seek for aid in times of crisis. Zopp: i've done nothing either, (tell me about it) ((personally i think doing nothing is pretty hard in itself)) but the thing is: crunching numbers or doing stuff to impress an institution etc. is not worth it. as long as you enter college with a curiosity for knowledge, and a willingness to learn, etc. you'll probably do fine. BG: well, about a job, i wouldn't know much, sorry. but i'm sure you have plenty of exp. in the workfield an Madr: well, you have your family now, and in my opinion, i don't think it's her business to be doing this to you. maybe you should confront her about it. BmcB: maybe you can get a petition to keep polka dots... i mean, i'm sure there are others who feel the same way you do. ACTIVISM!!! (interesting note: i saw in maui, ppl rode horses on the street to get stuff etc. as an alternative to a car. wow) Dboi: well, seems like you had it ruff, but a time will come when things will be better. maybe you are apathetic, because it isn't a priority to you? i'd look into that. about your dvd's.... wow, i'd be super p.o.ed as well... you took it calmer than I would Ton: i wouldn't worry about a thing, when a man is open, willing, and kind, PR wise: nothing can stop him.

'bout everyone else: i wish you the best of luck
i guess this makes up for my absense.
-Cpt.Maw

Sorry to hear that, Sharpshooter. Hope you next encounter with a bat is more peaceful.

Hehe, I feel the need to confess... because I'm bored.

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Some of my friends are angry at me because I didn't invite all of them to my house... yikes

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Somebody I used to care about hates me/is heavily ignoring me, because I was stupid and immature. Whatever.

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I feel really happy nonetheless, because I made some new friends, and I think they're great.

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I've been here at PCF a really long time, but I don't think anyone remembers me because I don't post a lot.

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Oh yeah, and I find it really hard to be sympathetic to people. I find it hard to apologize and stuff like that.

Yeah, okay.

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I'm worried. Or maybe not worried. Just anxious. I'm a hair's breadth from turning a relationship with a friend into something more. Instinct says this is something I want, but rationale? I don't know where rationale ends and excessive self-doubt begins. I come up with reasons-- I'm insecure, I have intimacy issues, I'm just plain too awkward for this-- but are they really reasons or just excuses I'm making for myself? I don't know.

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Originally posted by Xel Yeah, okay. spoiler (highlight to read): I'm worried. Or maybe not worried. Just anxious. I'm a hair's breadth from turning a relationship with a friend into something more. Instinct says this is something I want, but rationale? I don't know where rationale ends and excessive self-doubt begins. I come up with reasons-- I'm insecure, I have intimacy issues, I'm just plain too awkward for this-- but are they really reasons or just excuses I'm making for myself? I don't know.

Dudette, this is one of the hardest decisions to make. After weighing all of the pros and cons, prioritizing and other means of rationalization, it comes down to one thing: plain old illogical emotions. So, you have to ask your this: How do I feel about this? Once you have determined that this person is worth your emotional investiment, then you should act accordingly.

You are a smart and strong woman. Just follow the Baron's advice: "Whatever you do, just remember one thing: Always believe in yourself." from "The Cat Returns"

I hope this helps. Good luck.

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Well I was baking muffins the other day and after I greased the muffin tim with butter I guess I left the top of the butter on the stove and well it melted to the stove top! ROFL So Tony and I spentlike a half hour trying to re-melt the plastic so we could get it off and well the butter lid will never be the same again! ^_^"

-Beth

I feel I should confess some things to the community.
In all likelyhood, this will be gross. If it's too much, those
in power are free to modify as needed.

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I have never gone outside of my house unless absolutely necessary for the last 12 years of my life.

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I hate my cousins with my entire soul. Which reminds me...

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I have a powerful hatred for loose-moraled people, even though I am guilty of numerous evils myself.

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My imagination is powerful enough to convince me of things that only happened in my mind. I have on several occasions acted on memories of events that have never occured.

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I also hug pillows to sleep. What this is significant of I cannot say.

And now, the icky things.

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I am well acquainted with methods for easing defecation. I have a bad history of constipation and diarrhea, occasionally contracting both simultaneously.

And the very icky things. Read at your own risk.

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My dirty imagination knows... few bounds. It is powerful enough to trick my nerves into accepting my mental simulations as reality. I have oftentimes summoned the company of one voluptuous, furry inflatable fox-woman. Yes, inflatable. And organic. And sentient. I also call forth the warmth of some weird blond combination of Hilary Duff, Haruko and Beyonce. Also inflatable. I will occasionally take the two and have them snog like nasty pigs for my entertainment. I will sometimes subsitute their orgasms for exploding into glittery hearts and confetti. From where I attained such a notion I may never understand.

I apologize if this is a bit much. You may erase it if so.
I simply feel the need to get that off my chest.

The shame I feel cannot be explained.

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Originally posted by Randolph I feel I should confess some things to the community. In all likelyhood, this will be gross. If it's too much, those in power are free to modify as needed. spoiler (highlight to read): I have never gone outside of my house unless absolutely necessary for the last 12 years of my life.

You mean there is a space outside of the house?

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Yeah, aside from a dentist appointment at 10 I basically spent today reading every bit of Battlestar Galactica Adama/Rosalin smut fanfiction.net has to offer. I haven't been in this good a mood in a long time. Apparently, my zen garden is some conbination of Animal Crossing and President Rosalin having her way with Admiral Adama. By the by, if you get the urge Kimbari is an excellent writer to look up.

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I haven't 'spoken' to Tony or Beth in several weeks now and I'm feeling pretty bad about it. Really hope they don't think I'm avoiding them. All seriousness here, sometimes just sending a note is a very very difficult thing for me. I really love those two.

muchlove
-Dork

Randolph: In all honesty, babe, I think you did very good. It takes a lot to put those kind of things online for everyone and anyone to see. I applaud you, and admire your bravery and straightforwardness.

You aren't a bad person if you chose to actually do this.

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I have trouble confiding in my boyfriend, even though I'm in love with him.

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I am afraid of what happens when a person dies. I am afraid of what I will do when my mom dies, when my dad dies, when my grandparents die, when those around me die, and I am left. And then sooner or later, I too, will die. What comes after death? I don't know, and the unknowing is what I'm afraid of.

For something not so serious:

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I had a crush on my old gym teacher.

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I still kind of like zhinphou.

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I really want to make out with my boyfriend. lol. J/K!!! I love him though.

Later days:
Rev

Hmm... These are all interesting. I must say I admire the people willing to put them up... Okay, then, here I go:

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I once beat a man bloody and unconcious for trying to take a swing (as in hitting, not hitting on) one of my exes. I ended up breaking several of his bones, and nearly killed him.

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I'm a high school senior who has fallen in love with a freshman. [sigh]

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I dislike many giant robot stories, and Big O is no exception. Giant Robots I have no problem with, but the implied spirituality and the supernatural powers(?) of the Megadei lead me into feeling the anime is more like Escaflowne and less like Macross.

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I once set a computer on fire. Not fire as in a tiny flame, but a full conflagration.

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Originally posted by The Venome Lord spoiler (highlight to read): I'm a high school senior who has fallen in love with a freshman. [sigh]

Don't worry, you're not alone in that regard, I'm the same way.

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I'm so scared of looking stupid that I try avoid anything that would make me appear so, such as asking for clarification on something

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I'm so lazy that I will put off stuff (most notably homework) until it is either due or late

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I've got serious trust issues. I trust my girlfriend, but I'm always waiting for her to say: It's over, or something else like that

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Said issues stem from some bad experiences in kindergarten and my first girlfriend.

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I've cut myself.

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I'm depressed (not diagnosed, per se, but still...) and can have severe mood swings.

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I haven't been on the boards for so long, I'm pretty sure everyone's forgotten me.

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I used to be bisexual.

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I'm a recent convert to Christianity, but I still sometimes wonder if God really does exist.

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I can talk to anyone, just random people on the streets....but not really well to my friend's parents.

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When I was in fifth grade (and to a lesser degree, now) I was firmly convinced that there was a massive conspiracy against me.

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I often wonder if I'm worthwhile

And, to wrap this long confessional up

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I'm absolutely terrified of the future. This sounds wierd, I know, but I always worry about leaving my house, and starting on my own (or with a certain lady). This stems from my fear of failure, because 1. I never seem to get hired, anywhere, and 2. I doubt my own abilities to such a degree that I often convince myself I can't do something.

Wow...that was thereputic.

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Originally posted by Rev XVII spoiler (highlight to read): I had a crush on my old gym teacher.

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I had a crush on my 8th grade History teacher. Hell, I'd still bang him.

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Originally posted by Jabberwiccy spoiler (highlight to read): I'm absolutely terrified of the future. This sounds wierd, I know, but I always worry about leaving my house, and starting on my own (or with a certain lady). This stems from my fear of failure, because 1. I never seem to get hired, anywhere, and 2. I doubt my own abilities to such a degree that I often convince myself I can't do something.

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I have sort of the same problem but to a much higher degree. I had a dream of becoming a videogame designer, it's the only dream I've ever had, the only thing I've ever really wanted to do or cared about doing but I gave up on it. I haven't bothered to enroll in college and take the necessary courses because I know I would fail, or at least I've convinced myself that I would. It makes it even harder now because it seems every time I turn on the television there's a commercial promoting a college that specializes in the field I’m interested in. Every time it's like a kick to the face.

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Now I sit around looking for dead end low paying jobs that could never bring me any sort of happiness. What makes it worse is that I never get hired by anyone (if I'm not too scared to even bother sending in a resume). Every single job I look into seems to have a requirement for good social skills but I lack them in the most severe fashion. I was told I was borderline schizoid, I don’t really like to talk about it much but the real reason I can't find a good job is because I can't work with people. It's gotten to the point where I never leave the house. Hell, sometimes it's so bad that talking to people over IM's makes me incredibly uncomfortable, though I try not to show it. So even if I did finally get the nerve to go to college it couldn't be too far from home. I would probably have a nervous breakdown.

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It's so f***ing ironic. All I want is to be alone but at the same time since I've distanced myself from people I can't function without someone else's help. My entire life it seems I've needed a middleman there to do anything I need to be done. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have your little sister who just learned how to drive, cart you around the city and buy you lunch because you're too much of a f***ing pussy to leave your house and find a job? I'm so pathetic. How could I have allowed it to get so bad? No wonder everyone hates me, no wonder my parents abandoned me, everyone I've ever known has turned their backs on me, I have no real friends, I've always been alone. If I died right now, my life would have served no purpose and no one would care. I don't deserve to live.

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I'm a lesbian.... My girlfriend dumped me last night and I havn't been able to stop crying since.I have never been hurt this bad. The sad thing about it is that we were only together for one month and one day.

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When I look at a female I wonder what she is thinking... It gets really annoying at times, but I just cant help it

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oh yeah I think rev's boyfriend is really ugly but I'm happy for her because she is happy with him...

yeah I got some others buh I'll tell them later