The Paradigm Confessional Thread

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Originally posted by Collateral spoiler (highlight to read): I make a post in a thread and then no one post ever again. I make a thread and no one posts at all. I feel so much like an outcast here. I joined a while back because I wanted to get some more info on Big-O and to also be able to apply my on ideas but so far that has turned out not the way I planned it to. I didn't expect to be miss popular or anything but I hoped that I would get onto a good conversation with someone. I am not saying that anyone is mean though. D-boy has been very kind in helping me with my fanfic even though sometimes I think he wants me to go away and never return. R. Smith has been very nice as well as Beth but I still feel like people think I am a disease or something. They see something with Collateral and they don't want to mess with it. I know I don't know my way very well around the forums but that shouldn't mean that I should be shunned .

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Oh, that happens to the best of us and our dogs here all the time. It's best to not fret so much and just give it time. No need to worry; it isn't you.

As for my confession of the day....

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I am deathly terrified by the sight of blood and internal organs. I wouldn't watch a surgery even if I were offered a fortune. Though this opinion will most likely change in the future as I do want to witness the birth(s) of my children when the time comes.

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Originally posted by Avenir As for my confession of the day.... spoiler (highlight to read): I am deathly terrified by the sight of blood and internal organs. I wouldn't watch a surgery even if I were offered a fortune. Though this opinion will most likely change in the future as I do want to witness the birth(s) of my children when the time comes.

I witnessed my nephew's birth. You spend most of the time waiting for the baby to show up and ignoring the blood. Seeing the birth was just amazing.

And while I will read horror stories and such, I can't really watch surgeries that much. The cutting part. Ow! However, I can watch open heart surgery for some weird reason. *tries not to get too graphic*

Heh. Confession time, I guess...

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I think I am so happy about my birthday this year because I am just really hoping to put some of last year behind me. Guess I'm using my birthday as my new year instead. Things at New Years were still a little raw. But, also, I'm feeling a little better emotionally. Still have my down days but things are getting a little better. Could be that I'm just happy to be working. Just need to get my car back. Wish I could do that now but I have to pay rent instead and I'm loaning my parents some money right now.

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I really like a girl. Like really like her. She's amazing, and when we're together, I am so happy with her. But I think we might be moving towards the Friend Zone. This depresses me, a lot, because I thought she was perfect for me.

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I'm a hard-line conservative. I know this is a very liberal forum, but I still manage to feel out of place here when it comes to political issues. I usually get owned in political debates, too.

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My emotions are all messed up right now (which might be the reason this is the first time I'm posting in this thread). I feel really worried all the time, and on top of that either happy or sad. It's really weird, but I feel as if every action I take will have a consequence. Maybe I'm just acting like a vagina, but who know.

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Alrighty comming back to camp after everything I had two majors feelings one being wtf why am I going back and second I miss the hell out of this place...its so weird.

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And oh man I hate the airport I hate them all!! They are such evil places where they heard you like cattle to later be like oh sorry that flight is cancelled or sorry its over booked when you gave me a ticket and now I can't go its so annoying and I hate them all...then again maybe Iam just mad because I had to be in like 7 different ones yesterday but Iam not bitter am I?

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The second reason for why I hate them is they lost my luggage AGAIN!! Everytime!!1 and now I am sorta haning out at camp missing half of my things GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! And it just makes me so mad because you know i sort of need the clothes, the soap, shampoo, tooth brush luckily i stoped by the dollar store eariler. But what even hurts more is my sketch pad and markers were in their tooo!! ARGHHHH!! And thats like my life!! EEEKKK!!

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I am going to visit my grandma and most likely this is the last time. It is becoming too much of a hassle to take me and I am apparently too old to go visit my family. I almost wasn't able to go this time which crushed me being as how I have been excited and waiting to go since the beginning of the summer. My bags have been packed for a week.

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Also, I have lost my excitement for visiting my family. Now instead of feeling enthusiastic to go visit I am feeling guilt because I am going to be a huge burden. Plus, I feel like no one but myself wants me to go visit so I am being selfish for being upset and for going.

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Originally posted by Collateral spoiler (highlight to read): I am going to visit my grandma and most likely this is the last time. It is becoming too much of a hassle to take me and I am apparently too old to go visit my family.

How can you be too old to visit your family? O_o

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Originally posted by Collateral spoiler (highlight to read): I am going to visit my grandma and most likely this is the last time. It is becoming too much of a hassle to take me and I am apparently too old to go visit my family. I almost wasn't able to go this time which crushed me being as how I have been excited and waiting to go since the beginning of the summer. My bags have been packed for a week. spoiler (highlight to read): Also, I have lost my excitement for visiting my family. Now instead of feeling enthusiastic to go visit I am feeling guilt because I am going to be a huge burden. Plus, I feel like no one but myself wants me to go visit so I am being selfish for being upset and for going.

My words of advice, Collateral:

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O_o''' Look, you're never too old to visit your family. I understand how you feel, I mean, feeling like only a burden, but you're not. I'm pretty damn sure that your Grandmother loves it when you visit, along with when you visit your other relatives! And no. You're not being selfish. It's a good thing that you still like to visit them - so continue doing so as long as you like! I'm sure it brings emmense joy to them.

Alright, here's my confessions:

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Speaking of relatives, I don't really like my aunt and grandma. At all. They're both so damn self-centered, and they expect us to cater to their every whim! And then there's the fact they complain about how we don't really call them or visit them as much anymore! Well, it's because my family (and, sometimes, I, though I couldn't even drive to see them if I wanted to...) is too busy to sit down and chat with people who are blunt, obnoxious, don't even listen to what you have to say, and don't give a care whether or not the person they're talking to has bigger problems than something as petty as having the people who routinely get their groceries (that's my family who does that, and I can understand it for my Grandma, though she's too damn picky for her own good) not finding Oat bread, and not going to every single store to find it! Agh, I feel bad harping about them like this, but I need to get it out somehow! I can't even begin to explain how obnoxious and self-centered they (ussually) are!!!

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Beginning Augaust 28th (I think), I'm going to be going to a christian school. While I'm happy to be going there (it's not super-uptight or anything, it's tottally awsome!) and that they excepted me into their school (They've got an above average standard, my mom told me, so of course I'm overjoyed I was excepted), I'm soooo nervous! Going to an all Christian school? Man, although I've just fully realized how great and awsome GOD really is this year (Sorry, personal religious stand-point there)! I mean, I'm still trying to stop swearing, not to mention that I have a sinking feeling I'm going to be one of the only anime fans there! I hope not, but after shadowing there for a day (I think it was sometime in March), I found no one else was too into it. However, I will say that it's an awsome place and the environment is wonderful. Other bad thing about it: I'm going to be in seventh grade, and by the end of the summer, I have to be at a high-school level of latin!!! No joke! I've never taken latin before, and it's a required class there!

.... Fine, might as well get this off my chest:

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Last December, I found out I had ADD. They said it wasn't a bad case, but now I feel so embarrassed or sometimes even angry whenever I'm talking to people and they make some stupid comment about people who take medication, or people with ADD! Let me just make this clear to all those people who beleive that all people with ADD are annoyingly off-the-wall: That's a stereotype that is ussually completely untrue. I mean, I told two of my best friends (since third grade) about it on the last day of school and they didn't beleive me at first, saying that I didn't seem like it at all! T_T I'm so friggin' tired of these rude comments about people who take medication and people with ADD!!!

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Originally posted by Mrs. Beck [ spoiler (highlight to read): Last December, I found out I had ADD. They said it wasn't a bad case, but now I feel so embarrassed or sometimes even angry whenever I'm talking to people and they make some stupid comment about people who take medication, or people with ADD! Let me just make this clear to all those people who beleive that all people with ADD are annoyingly off-the-wall: That's a stereotype that is ussually completely untrue. I mean, I told two of my best friends (since third grade) about it on the last day of school and they didn't beleive me at first, saying that I didn't seem like it at all! T_T I'm so friggin' tired of these rude comments about people who take medication and people with ADD!!!

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Dudette, ADD isn't something to be embarrassed. I have witness the awesome gifts that people we ADD have. Many of them are truly intelligent, talented and inspiring. As for the jokes, I can only say this. Ignore them! I have a condition where my feet are crooked. I've taken a lot of insults for it, but I knew that my condition wasn't what THEY said it was. I am a better and stronger person for ignoring them. So keep your head up. Be proud of yourself!

As for me...

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I am currently in a personal war with my father. After a few racist and classist remarks against a loved one, I informed him he must retract and apologize for his remarks. He stated he would never do that and for me to back down. Instead of capitulating, I gave him an ultimatum, which I will not repeat here. After he made a few uncalled-for insults about me and my loved one, I renounced him. I am not angry or even sad about it. I love my parents, but I will not capitulate to a racist, a bigot, or a sexist! I will not renounce my loved ones for any idea, any movement or anyone!

** breathes deeply **

Sorry, I just had to do that.

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Originally posted by Mrs. Beck spoiler (highlight to read): Last December, I found out I had ADD. They said it wasn't a bad case, but now I feel so embarrassed or sometimes even angry whenever I'm talking to people and they make some stupid comment about people who take medication, or people with ADD! Let me just make this clear to all those people who beleive that all people with ADD are annoyingly off-the-wall: That's a stereotype that is ussually completely untrue. I mean, I told two of my best friends (since third grade) about it on the last day of school and they didn't beleive me at first, saying that I didn't seem like it at all! T_T I'm so friggin' tired of these rude comments about people who take medication and people with ADD!!!

Want my take on it? Please don't be offended, for it's only meant to help:

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ADD is just an excuse given to one by doctors. For example: "Jimmy didn't do well on the test. But he was just diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, so that's ok." Lots of doctors (Quacks, if I may) hand out diagnoses of ADD and ADHD left and right, pilling all the lovely children with Aderall, Ritalin, etc. A good deal of these are pushed to do so from the pharmacutical companies. I know this from personal experience, for my sister was improperly diagnosed by a sh**ty shrink who claims that she has ADHD. MY take on it is that my sister is completly antisocial with a few screws loose here and there, but hardly hyper and tends to pay attention to what she's doing (not all the time, but then again, who does?). Now, since my sister is brainwashed by my mother, and if my mother could engage in sexual intercourse with the doctor (that being a metaphor for how much she likes her), she would. I've pointed out the doctor's faults before at times, but since she's on such good terms with my mother, I just ripped up a few of my sister's files, gave her the finger, and...well...moved to Florida to get away from it all. Now, getting back to the PG: You can't tell that someone has ADD/ADHD without spending extensive hours with them and can't be under the influences of Phizer and all these big companies who would like nothing better to have more customers so they could gain more capital. Sure, people have mental disorders: Bi-polar disorder/manic depression, Uni-polar disorder/"regular" depression, schizophrenia and aspergers to name a few, as well as ADD and ADHD. But not everyone. Is it common? Possibly, but don't forget to take into account the thousands of doctors out there churning money. And believe me. It's nothing extensive conditioning can't cure (tee hee hee). Also, mental disorders could also be tamed or even possibly prevented by a right upbringing. My sister would probobly be sane if only she wasn't neglected by my parents and always put under my supervision (while I too was being raised at the time, and one can only wonder if I am indeed sane). Also, I've known some people in the past who, for some inane reason, though that having ADHD was a cry for help and a means of attention. Not the brightest idea out there. It's something personal that you should keep to yourself, unless you want to share with your close friends. It is not an attention/popularity grabbing device. This may all seem odd, but it's true. Some kids can't have ADD or ADHD without the ATTENTION. So, if you do indeed have ADD or ADHD, please ask your doctor if she was influenced by any pharmacutical companies while making the decision. She'll say no, but she could possibly be lying through her teeth and it would make her nervous because she'd think you're more aware.

If anyone here is a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist or has any background/experience in the field of mental health, then good for you. I don't mean that in a demeaning or nasty way at all. I just don't want you to go proving me wrong now with fancy stats and figures and such nonsense, because I believe I'm right, and that's what counts.

As for my confessions:

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I suffer from stress-induced insomnia

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About a month ago, when I was at my cousin's house, I suffered from an acid "flashback". It was really scary and happened spontaneously. It kept me up all night. Fortunately, I had my cousins there to take care of me. No other family member knows about it, and it is intended to stay that way. I just hope it doesn't happen again.

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Originally posted by Shaoblane spoiler (highlight to read): Alotta people read my posts in the 'venting your frustrations' thread. Yesturday I managed to keep food down. Before that all I could keep down was liquids, and I am very happy today. I also FORCED myself to eat meat. It smelled disgusting, it looked disgusting, and it made me gag, but I forced myself to do it. It tasted really weak, but like it it was supposed to. My mouth is watering so badly I'm drooling. However, now, water tastes nasty. So I went from the tap to a bottle, and it still tastes nasty. My chest burns, I'm burping very very often, and it didn't fill me up at all, so I made some instant oatmeal. This oatmeal has no flavor to it. It normally does. My eyes crapped out again today, but it occurs on and off. I think I'm getting better on my own.

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I'm going to say this one last time and then just plain ignore it, for I've tried too hard to get you to do so, Liz. Go to a hospital. Walk if you have to. The worst thing you can possibly do is keep it as it is.

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Originally posted by Madrona spoiler (highlight to read): I've done what I promised my husband I wouldn't do. I've watched all of the episodes of FMA. I was supposed to wait. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. Yes, I can finally read that fan-fiction with the episode 50-51 spoiler tags. Oh, I so want to see that movie now!

Bad Madrona! Um.. maybe you needed to watch it first to make sure it was worth your husband's time. Yeah. That's it. Right?

I want to see the movie and I haven't seen all the eps.

My confession:

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I'm running late for work right now and I'm still posting this.

Not much of a confession, I know. Here's another short one.

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I haven't been sleeping all that well recently so I've been rather tired. Mood is wonky.