The Paradigm Confessional Thread

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Originally posted by Sharpshooter005 spoiler (highlight to read): I hate to dig up a..vaguely old topic. And I'm probably not going to express myself too well right now..but possibly typing it may be cathartic. Okay, without going into the gory background details, I was kind of involved in some pseudo, atrophied relationship with someone. And now..well..again, to be blunt? The last four months, I've just been strung along so as not to "hurt me". Well..the big lie just came crashing down. And frankly? I'm not even going to bother being depressed...I mean...sure, I was devoted and willing to do whatever crazy scheme seemed necessary to save..whatever may have been left. But thats just less reason to feel morose. Oh no...I'm ENRAGED right now. And it feels damn good. After weeks, and weeks of useless pining and hoping...well...it feels like coming home again. I've been sold out, hoodwinked, and lord am I ever miffed about it. Ah....but I've prattled on for too long. Just kind of saying...if I seem a bit more caustic than usual, I don't really mean it as a reflection on anyone here.

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Dude, I've had the exact same thing happen to me... And I felt the exact same way. It hurts a person more to not be honest with them and then have them discover it on their own than it does to just be honest with them from the beginning. Still, a lot of girls seem to love to do this. ::shrugs:: Oh well. Just don't go off as much as I did... ::ranted quite a bit that last time::

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Hmmm... Today's confession: I'm a bit worried about my grade in this database class. I say I'm not, but I am.

Yesterday:

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Alright last night I told my parents the truth about my friend, my boy friend and love of my life Tony. Yeah.. I am not close to my family and have not seen or talked to them much in months and so on and we never really got along, so the typical answer that I was expecting was the usual screams, yelling etc... But God only knows why but for some reason they were actually really happy for me? I am sorry this blows my mind I swear it must have been a dream it seemed to happy.... they said that they were proud of me and all of this other garbage.. I just... I am sorry I can't believe it I swear it was a dream or my parents must have misunderstood what I said.... yet they did say that they want to meet Tony and that he was welcomed anytime....still weiird and I am confussed....

Today:

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Alright so I was taking my Dressage (another form of equestrian riding) finial and working with Braxaton hes a very young horse and flightly at times. We did a excelent job granted I was only lounging him on a line and not riding him but even so this was a big acomplishement granted that this horse is only like 3. Well after coach left and said that I had done a good job I was left all alone with the horse in the ring. Hhahaha yeah so of corse what do you think I am going to do? I mean heck the horse was just standing there all tacked up saddle and all. So I got him, granted I did not have my riding boots or my helment on (something I never ride or even will just sit on a horse with out!) Oh my gosh this horse is such a excellent mover, I have always wanted to ride him but no one was allowed to but coach and this one advanced rider that the horse ended up throwing into the wall becasue he has lots of energy and stuff. Heck I did not care call me crazy but before I got on and I was just standing there walking him out to cool him off I stoped and looked in his eyes I swear to god he said just get on so I did. I walked, troted and cantered him around wow theres so much horse with him its amazing... in other words hes wonderful. Hahha what makes this even better is that I broke so many rules!! BWHAHAHAH!!! 1.) No freshman allowed to ride alone, 2.) Always wear helment boots, 3.) No ones allowed to ride Braxaton ...etc etc.... blah blah blah. But heck I don't care I needed to ride him and I swear that Braxaton also wanted to stretch his legs out a bit too. It was the best thing I have done since boarding school when I went for one of my midnight rides-thats another story though..... ^_^"

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My parents finally realized how serious I am with my girlfriend after I offered to trade my 'Vette in for a Chevy Avalanche (I need a more appropriate vehicle for me and my girlfriend.

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I maybe moving to Oregon by Summer of 2005.

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I am happy with my life now. I found what was missing for so many years. Beth, you rock me.

was spaming, so thought that I would clean this up....

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I don't know about my future....I may not be able to attend the college I wish to go to and enter the field I love, just because of some teacher.....stressed out! And when I'm stressed out I take it out on everyone....*sigh so sorry Sponny if I bark at you.

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Originally posted by xana_fae spoiler (highlight to read): I like gnomes!!!

Please don't spam the confessional thread xana, we've had a hard enough time trying to keep it spam free.


Suppose I might add a confession:

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I've recently been able to gain some more control over my anxieties. Which has made me feel a lot better! (seriously, my anxieties were crippling me.

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Originally posted by xana_fae was spaming, so thought that I would clean this up.... spoiler (highlight to read): I don't know about my future....I may not be able to attend the college I wish to go to and enter the field I love, just because of some teacher.....stressed out! And when I'm stressed out I take it out on everyone....*sigh so sorry Sponny if I bark at you.

lol...We do it to each other equally

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I have a friend who..I at the most tolerate. I can't stand him/her, they piss me off to no end, yet for some reason, I can't bring myself to tell them I hate them.

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I was telling my bestest friend the reason why i can't move away to north carolina my senior year, and their reaction shocked me, I thought they would play it off and make a joke like we normally do, but they just kinda looked down in despair and then looked at me and smiled, (what i had said was becasue of them and another person I wasn't going to move, because they had finally made me secure with myself here), and i love them sooo much...tee hee...

EDIT! and TONY!

lol, tony, my mom recently found love hersel, to a man who has a red corvette, and he too is thinking about trading it in for a chevy avalanche, a more practical vehicle for the two of them.

Heh, R.Smith just reminded me of two things - an conversation that we had a few days ago, and the fact that I forgot to give the obligatory confession when I came on in "Mod mode" last time . So here it is, though it probably won't come as a surprise to most of you :

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I've said this before, but I'm not a big anime person - or even, really, a medium one. There are probably in all a grand total of 6 anime-related subjects (including Big O and, of course, Lain) that hold more than a passing interest for me . Also, before I joined this forum over a year ago and even now to a certain extent, I was never a big internet person with the exception of some random research. It was a combination of flukes that led me to observe and then eventually join this place, and although this is an excellent site that Krang and Shredder had put together, if I didn't become a Mod - which, in itself, was a spur-of-the-moment affair, and one I kind of didn't expect to happen - and hence owe a measure of responsibility to the Admins, I might have skipped out a long while back. Though I must say, I am glad that I decided to stick around

To go along with that:

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With the exception of music and reading, I'm not tremendously big on ANYTHING in my life; I was a very precocious child (others used the word "gifted", but that leaves a very loaded and sour taste in my mouth for personal reasons...) and had/have a wide selection of different interest - ranging from science, philosophy, art, martial arts, and secular concerns. I'm pretty mellow ( read: near-borderline languid ), so every interest I take, I take in moderation - with slight bursts of active revival here and there on occasion . Anyone wondering where my patience came from - well, there you go. I like being on the move and doing things I enjoy, but I'm never in a "rush" for anything .

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Originally posted by COHugh spoiler (highlight to read): I've been having these bad headaches for a few days now... I'm not sure if it's stress or just what. I know exactly what you mean COHugh...

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Today I smacked my teacher after he tried to take my head phones off my head (...again) and then crused him out after class, after he made me angry. I am sorry but I beleive teachers so behave professionaily, thus DO NOT TOUCH THE STUDENTS!!! AND DO NOT PUT THEM DOWN IN CLASS!!! ARGH!!!

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Originally posted by COHugh spoiler (highlight to read): I've been having these bad headaches for a few days now... I'm not sure if it's stress or just what.

Sorry to hear that. The semester is over now though. Maybe they will go away.

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Most of my friends here know this, but I procrastinated badly with my Photoshop class. It was an online class and the pace was fine. I just started it really late. I could blame it on not having CS ( I own 7)or on Service Pack 2( which made the file browser impossible to use), but those were secondary. The kicker is, the more I looked through the book and the schedule, the more I realized how easy this course was. So it could have been easily taken care of instead of me staying up late trying to finish my quizzes and my production exam. The only reason I'm posting this now is because I submtted my work like 15 minutes ago. The next part of the class is only on campus. Now I won't have any excuses.

Madrona

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I've been really REALLY stressed out by work. The project is supposed to be done next week but my co-worker has been pushing for me to get the easy stuff out... the parts that she and my other co-worker can help me on. What they don't realize is that the hard part, adding the pictures, etc., is going to take some time. The easy part I could have done myself in half the time. However, everyone is pushing because of Christmas break. Though to be honest, we have been working on this project for almost two months now and the client still hasn't given me things that they said they'd give me... how annoying. I really don't think it's going to be finished by that time.

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During all this I've been really thinking about things. Reflecting on things that have happened since August. Questioning them. Taking them apart. Figuring them out. Haven't really shared those feelings that much. A lot of it doesn't make sense yet. Not sure it ever will. But I think I understand more of it than I did before. I just know that some things can't go back to the way they use to be.

And with that, I have to go.

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I did not sleep a wink last night. Seriously, I went to work on my final for one of my classes and I didn't finish until 7:30 in the morning. Right now, I kinda feel like at the moment. I need a little more

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I've missed being here. I'm glad to be back.

Eh.... I've been told/called that and worse, sadly. Thing is, I've usually had more education than the person telling me that I'm a moron and I of course have to correct them... Subtly.

With an intellectual brick...

(We need a devil smiley face if there isn't one already...)