The Paradigm Confessional Thread

quote:

Originally posted by Tony quote: Originally posted by M.S._Feather I’m glad to hear you and your Mom are doing well Dawn. *sniff* I love a happy ending. As for me... spoiler (highlight to read): I hate my Mom and her family and they hate me. For some odd reason they’ve made it their personal agenda to make my life a living hell. They never made an effort to get to know anything about me so they started to make up their own theories about me and spread those vicious lies. Example: I’m a lesbian. I’m actually not, but they’re absolutely convinced that I am. Why do they think that? It’s actually pretty ridiculous. They say it’s because of my hobbies. I spend most of my time playing videogames and reading comics and those are “boys hobbies”. Talk about close minded. Well, personally I’ve never had a homosexual experience in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve put the thought into consideration but honestly there’s never been a woman that even remotely turned me on. And the thought of being intimate with a woman kind of makes me sick. But that’s me, my family thinks homosexuality is extremely evil and if they found out a close friend were gay they’d turn their backs on them in a heartbeat. I’m not as judgmental, I mean I hardly see how preferring one body part over the other makes you any worse a person. I could care less really. spoiler (highlight to read): My Mom’s family also say I’m Satanic. Actually…I’m not one hundred percent sure where they got this idea. I wear a lot of black and I get a lot of s*** about that. Then a year or two ago I bought a black leather trench coat, which really didn’t help (Columbine jokes… -_-’). But despite their beliefs, I’m not a Goth and I don’t want to blow up a school. Black just happens to be my favorite color next to white, and I bought the trench coat because it’s leather…heavenly, leather. Heehee! *puts it on and rolls around…ahem* Plus I’m extremely quiet…I guess they think I’m plotting evil or casting magic in the corner or something. And for the record I’m not Satanic or into black magic or voodoo or any dark arts…I’m a Christian actually. Uh…I’ll admit I could be a better one, but I do believe in God and it’s pretty offensive when they accuse me of something like that. spoiler (highlight to read): There’s a bunch of other stuff they do to piss me off. I just wish I knew what it was I did to these people to make them hate me so much. I wasn’t a perfect child by any means but I always thought I came pretty close to what a model kid should be like. I never did anything horrible. I stayed completely clear of drugs, cigarettes and alcohol, peer pressure was never a problem. I made good grades (but I still managed to get a beating if I made a C. My little sister never got touched for such nonsense…just me), I was quiet and kept to myself, I never asked for much. I just don’t think I deserve what they put me through. But it’s not all bad, I still have my Dad, and his parents. At least I’ve been able to catch a bit of solace from them when I needed it. I know what you mean. I have been there too: spoiler (highlight to read): Until recently, my parents and family members thought I was gay. Thank goodness they met my girlfriend. spoiler (highlight to read): I always doubted my ability to handle adverse situations. Now, I am sure I can take anything. I have even more strength in the Lord and with my girlfriend.

Whaha I know waht you mean!!!

spoiler (highlight to read):

OH YEAAHH!! Trust me I as well have been there too! to escape the evil wrath of my mother I ran off to all girls boarding school for my highschool years, and after that I then procuded to stay at the schools all girls camp for the summer and work. My next step was then to dash strat off to college which also is an all Girls School!! And no neither am I a lesbian, the thought oh god had crossed me once or twice, but nahh.. I could never see my self that way.

spoiler (highlight to read):

And little do they know that I have a wonderful boy friend!! Bwhwhahha!! Or that I secertly make trips to see him or have him to see me!! Weee!! ^_^"

Ehh... bascially I do not care for my "family" anymore..I would gladly give them up or have them "dis-own" me from them.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Flat out I feel that what their big problem is that okay I am labeled as "the odd ball" thre for I will never be the doctor my mother wanted like her...or even a possibily lawyer like my father. And you know what too bad for them. Becasue I am me and nothings going to change that..in fact lately I have started to realize that techncially since I am on my own sort of I do not really have to let them rule me or my desciosn so badly... in a way I sort of see myself as being hopefully more indepentdent from them... Or I try to at least. In many ways especailly right now with other thigs going on I feel that it is my life and I need to start taking a stronger grip on its control for my self. Or at lest try to, its my life...I can no longer force my self to change or bend to my parents ways. Yes if and when I do see them again, I will have to tone myself down since it is their house their rules but I will no longer attempt to be the way they want me to be as in my future and so on. I will be my self, I have always been myself but just was afriad to start really expressing it until now, and I owe much thanks and gradutiude to my one and only love. ^_^""""

spoiler (highlight to read):

Good call, MTN!

spoiler (highlight to read):

I'm pretty fortunate myself really. I only have one health problem to speak of (surprisingly not mental - ), I have all my limbs, I have parents who love me and though I don't always agree with them (which is becoming rarer as I grow older), I know they're just trying to look out for me. My only real gripe (other than annoying customers ) is that I'm single, but in the grand scheme it's probably not that important.

quote:

Originally posted by MidnightLight Dod, you're lucky. My crush doesn't even know i'm LIKE him..

spoiler (highlight to read):

How do you think I feel? My crush don'st even know me, nor does she speak complete English! =(

spoiler (highlight to read):

A new friend of mine smokes. And I've been really pissed about that, and I'm bothered by the fact he's lungs are most likely all black.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I hate being Catholic. Jesus is the Messiah, and I believe in God. Can we end it there? It bugs the HELL outta me when I have to do CCD, go to Church (which is so boring), and having my life being so anal over these STRICT rules.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I like to believe there in'st a heaven or hell, but rather when we die, we go into a another life, again, and again.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I really cannot stand my nephew. He's such a freaking brat, and my neice is soooo good...

spoiler (highlight to read):

I've always wanted to robb a bank..does that make me bad?

spoiler (highlight to read):

My guinea pig is really sick now, and I'm really upset that he may die. My old guinea pig died at 4 years, and lived a happy life. But, Rando's only 2 years old, and he's always had problems. He has a skin condition, he's half bald, he walks funny now, and his head is tiled one side. I'm really worried about him.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I HATE SPORTS. SCREW THE JETS. SCREW THE GIANTS. SCREW THE YANKESS. SCREW THE RED SOCKS.

...

spoiler (highlight to read):

sorry about that.

quote:

Originally posted by Super Umino spoiler (highlight to read): I HATE SPORTS. SCREW THE JETS. SCREW THE GIANTS. SCREW THE YANKESS. SCREW THE RED SOCKS. ... spoiler (highlight to read): sorry about that.

Yeah, you better be.

spoiler (highlight to read):

My left hand has been been getting cramps lately. It's been keepin' me from playing the bass as much as I'd like to.

quote:

Originally posted by Super Umino quote: Originally posted by MidnightLight Dod, you're lucky. My crush doesn't even know i'm LIKE him.. spoiler (highlight to read): How do you think I feel? My crush don'st even know me, nor does she speak complete English! =( spoiler (highlight to read): A new friend of mine smokes. And I've been really pissed about that, and I'm bothered by the fact he's lungs are most likely all black. spoiler (highlight to read): I hate being Catholic. Jesus is the Messiah, and I believe in God. Can we end it there? It bugs the HELL outta me when I have to do CCD, go to Church (which is so boring), and having my life being so anal over these STRICT rules. spoiler (highlight to read): I like to believe there in'st a heaven or hell, but rather when we die, we go into a another life, again, and again. spoiler (highlight to read): I really cannot stand my nephew. He's such a freaking brat, and my neice is soooo good... spoiler (highlight to read): I've always wanted to robb a bank..does that make me bad? spoiler (highlight to read): My guinea pig is really sick now, and I'm really upset that he may die. My old guinea pig died at 4 years, and lived a happy life. But, Rando's only 2 years old, and he's always had problems. He has a skin condition, he's half bald, he walks funny now, and his head is tiled one side. I'm really worried about him. spoiler (highlight to read): I HATE SPORTS. SCREW THE JETS. SCREW THE GIANTS. SCREW THE YANKESS. SCREW THE RED SOCKS. ... spoiler (highlight to read): sorry about that.

I just would like to mention that I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT FORM OF CHRISTIAN I AM, AND CAN'T CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN! But I hate all sports, except for bowling and Professional Wrestling(WWE). IT IS A SPORT, and there's nothing better than watching the Rock layeth the Smackdown on that stupid Kurt Angle and such.

*Ahem* Anyway....

spoiler (highlight to read):

I have seriously considered doing some strange things to get my crush to know how I feel. I'm not saying they're mentally or physically safe, but hopefully it won't come to that.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I got very frustrated with work today. It just pisses me off when clients change their minds last minute and still want to see the finished product at the same time. Or they tell you one thing and then decide that they no longer like it so you have to change it all over again. Very frustrating.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Also, I'm not separating my professional and personal life too well at the moment. Work is slipping a little. But I am a stickler for deadlines so I know that I can't procrastinate too much. However, I really screwed up this morning. On the other hand, there was a misunderstanding on when the actual deadline was.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Also, it wasn't like it was the final product or anything. It was a comp... something for the client to see if they wanted to continue on to the next step or not.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I need sleep!

quote:

Originally posted by AndroidZeroX spoiler (highlight to read): ppl in the forums think im an asshole becasue of one comment that ppl blew out of proportion, now like 10 ppl hold a grudge for it....way stench

spoiler (highlight to read):

You know I don't hold a grudge against you and since the whole world revolves around me, you're ok. ::dripping with sarcasm, for those unaware::

quote:

Originally posted by M.S._Feather spoiler (highlight to read): They never made an effort to get to know anything about me so they started to make up their own theories about me and spread those vicious lies. Example: I’m a lesbian. I’m actually not, but they’re absolutely convinced that I am. Why do they think that? It’s actually pretty ridiculous. They say it’s because of my hobbies. I spend most of my time playing videogames and reading comics and those are “boys hobbies”. Talk about close minded.

spoiler (highlight to read):

My father used to ask me in high school if I was a lesbian. I really didn't date much and the one boyfriend I did have, they hated. And there's nothing wrong with being into "boy" hobbies. I read comic books too! Seize your geekyness no matter how boyish it is - it makes you who you are

quote:

Originally posted by Super Umino spoiler (highlight to read): I've always wanted to robb a bank..does that make me bad?

spoiler (highlight to read):

Me too! Except I've always had this fantasy that I'd be part of a duo like Bonnie and Clyde...yeah...nevermind

quote:

Originally posted by BabyGhia spoiler (highlight to read): I need sleep!

spoiler (highlight to read):

Ditto! Except, I blame my lack of sleep on GK. It's all his fault! (not really, it's my choice to not go to bed )That's alright - so long as I can make it to class on three hours of sleep, I'm good. Besides, it is kind of my fault he broke his toe...the very least I can do is keep him company into the wee hours of the morning!

Latah
Token

spoiler (highlight to read):

I need sleep too. I missed my first class this morning. (Do i sound like a goody-goody or what?) Even though I am here writing this, I know I need to get to bed. I worry that my grades will drop and I really don't need that right now.

as for some other people here:

spoiler (highlight to read):

I find it strange that you you guys were considered gay because you wouldn't date. I was never allowed to date in the first place! But even so, I never allowed myself to just date anyone, it had to be someone who was worth it.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I found my first boyfriend to be a huge mistake, and should have reserved the "first boyfriend" spot to someone better. I used to beat myself for this a lot, but not anymore.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I'm not like some people who find that dating 2 weeks or less is considered a relationship. I gotta make sure it's real, or else it would be just another guy I had a silly little crush on.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Whenever I get a crush on someone, it's usually someone who many consider to be weird (on various levels). I think it just makes me like the guy even more.

quote:

Originally posted by Tony spoiler (highlight to read): Until recently, my parents and family members thought I was gay. Thank goodness they met my girlfriend.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Well, I’ve had a boyfriend or two in my time but that didn’t exactly sway their opinion. They’re just a bunch of stubborn a**holes. And sad as it is Beth I don’t have much to do with my family anymore either. I dropped out of high school and started home schooling myself. Then I moved out of her house and into her mothers house. I hate my Grandmother too (she’s like the ringleader of their whole little axis of evil). But it’s a little better than living with my Mom, at least in this house I have some privacy…and there are no kids! I still need to find my own place though. Maybe somewhere out of state…or country…

spoiler (highlight to read):

But now that I think about it, I’m kind of glad they never really liked me. I mean if I’d been very close to them, I might have ended up like them. …and that’s rather horrifying.

quote:

Originally posted by Super Umino spoiler (highlight to read): I've always wanted to robb a bank..does that make me bad?

spoiler (highlight to read):

Ah, criminal at heart? ^_^ And sorry about Rando. Hope he pulls through.

Another Sappy one of Token Girl:

spoiler (highlight to read):

I've never really had much confidence in my playing as a guitarist/musician, but lately, Token Girl has been making me play songs for her, and he reaction and happiness from getting to hear the songs I play, makes me a little more confident. I know I'm a pretty bad guitarist, but she makes me feel just a bit like a Rock star everytime I play music for her. She even talked me in to playing a guitar solo!

spoiler (highlight to read):

It is rare for me to ever have a relationship with a person I had a crush on.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Though I can't articulate it, I finally determined the definition of love.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I love to write, but I am unable to. I have this strange writers block that won't allow me to write too much for an extended amount of time. It's called work.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I have a photographic memory, but I still get dates, names and times mixed up. Dyslexia, ain't it great?

quote:

Originally posted by Tony spoiler (highlight to read): Though I can't articulate it, I finally determined the definition of love.

It's a great feeling, and I'm glad you're getting to experience it.

I

spoiler (highlight to read):

love being in yearbook! my school color suck! Stephen Plante is so hot! I havent had time to come online! I'm going to starbucks after school!

spoiler (highlight to read):

Work is still maddening.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Trying to take some time just for myself. Watch TV. Eat well. Chat with friends about fun things. Not working too well on it though.

spoiler (highlight to read):

There are a few things I just haven't dealt with. Recent things. Things that aren't easy to deal with. Some of them are just a wait and see kind of thing. Others are things that are not my problem. Hence the new motto: It's not my problem. Does it directly affect me? No, therefore, is it your problem? But they still bother me, of course.

spoiler (highlight to read):

And, yes, including the one about the person who put that idea in my head. I'm angry about that one. More angry than I guessed. I feel like an idiot. I wanted it so much. But I am seeing a different side of that person now. Some things I hadn't noticed before. So I was probably better off. But still a crappy thing to happen.

spoiler (highlight to read):

Yes, it was a guy who did that. And yes, I know that there are much better guys out there. Thank goodness! Just not having luck finding them. Not giving up though.

That's enough for today.

BabyGhia

quote:

Originally posted by AndroidZeroX spoiler (highlight to read): many will find this hard to belive, but i think im too nice to ppl at some times. I wish these annoying kids wouldnt come up to me acting like were best frineds when i just said hi once

spoiler (highlight to read):

AndroidZeroX: Social Butterfly

spoiler (highlight to read):

I'm so apathetic when it comes to school of late. I never was really interested in the whole school thing to begin with, but now I can't even drum up enough interest to finish my homework assignments. I only have to answer one essay question!!! And yet here I sit, staring at a blinking cursor and trying to come up with anything to do other than this.

quote:

Originally posted by Grunger Kittie Version 1 Another Sappy one of Token Girl: spoiler (highlight to read): I've never really had much confidence in my playing as a guitarist/musician, but lately, Token Girl has been making me play songs for her, and he reaction and happiness from getting to hear the songs I play, makes me a little more confident. I know I'm a pretty bad guitarist, but she makes me feel just a bit like a Rock star everytime I play music for her. She even talked me in to playing a guitar solo!

spoiler (highlight to read):

No one's ever played a guitar solo just for me And you really don't give yourself enough credit - your songs make my night and I always go to sleep a happy little Token

quote:

Originally posted by COHugh spoiler (highlight to read): I'm so apathetic when it comes to school of late. I never was really interested in the whole school thing to begin with, but now I can't even drum up enough interest to finish my homework assignments.

spoiler (highlight to read):

I totally know how you feel. I'm so apathetic and fed up with school right now that I'm seriously considering taking next semester off and just working. I'm really wondering if college just isn't the place for me at this point in my life. I have other plans on the agenda that are more important to me.

Latah
Token