The Paradigm Confessional Thread

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I am also a member of the pillowhugger crowd. I can't sleep well without doing it.

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I have a bit of an exhibitionist streak. Er, social exhibitionism. Which is why I was delighted to see this thread. ^^;

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I consider myself heterosexual, but I really like blondes. *cough*

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I bite my nails, though I can quit for temporary spells if I try.

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I sing almost every time I'm alone. Very loudly. I also tend to talk to myself.

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I'm slightly obsessive about my personal hygiene. When I'm hanging out in my house, I reapply deodorant every two hours or so. :B

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Body hair drives me nuts. I must be silky-smooth.

A few more I'd like to share...

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I constantly second guess people.

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I have 2 personalities, the one that you see, and the depressed one. I have tried so many times to bring out the real me..but I'm afraid of losing my friends. I hate the 'fake' me.

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I constantly pick at people for imperfections that I have to make myself feel better. I enjoy this.

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As much as I have said I don't like Almasy. I don't mind him. I've never really actually gotten to know him. I apologize to him.

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I just turned 27, and I'm still waiting to feel like an adult. I feel like I'm permanently stuck at 17. Because of this, I've often wanted to run away from my life and start over with a new identity and everything. I've constantly felt like I'm doing every single little thing wrong, including breathing, and that I will never be confident enough to leave these 'teenage insecurities' behind me.

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I escape into my writing so much, PCT has to pull me out constantly to remind me that I'm married and we live in the same house.

we had a chatroom like this once... I think Almasy, Jeff and GAT were there...


Anyway...

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I also have started writing many stories, but never finished any of them, except this one X-Men fic...

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I sleep with tons of stuffed animals, and have no shame! I can't get enough of them!

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I LOVE DRAG QUEENS! Again, no shame, a man in a dress is hot in my eyes! ^__^ Guys that look "girly" work too. Like Toboe!

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I crave attention and I am very histrionic, but for some reason have trouble with meeting new people.

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I constantly find myself chewing on things. Especially pencils, pens, and the skin on my fingers. I often make my fingers hurt/bleed and it's a very bad habit of mine that I can't seem to stop.

Hmm... I think there's more, ill think of them later.

Oh Goody!

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I'm clinically depressed.

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I'm 17, I don't have a job, I don't drive, and i'm i'll most likely be alone my whole life.

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I am incredibly shy and insecure.

Thats it for now!

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None of you really could tell this, cept xana and spoony, but I'm deathly afraid of being close to people. Physically. I hate it when someone else's skin comes into contact with mine. Even an accidental brushup freaks me out. And of course this factor has totally screwed me over with relationships. People are afraid to touch me . Well...except for this one person who didn't know this.

And then I also

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keep most of my emotions deeply tucked away. So, no one will ever know me. And that screws me over too, cause no one will ever know how much I truly love them and want them and need them...uh...I think I just told them now anyways.

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Originally posted by noTomato spoiler (highlight to read): None of you really could tell this, cept xana and spoony, but I'm deathly afraid of being close to people. Physically. I hate it when someone else's skin comes into contact with mine. Even an accidental brushup freaks me out. And of course this factor has totally screwed me over with relationships. People are afraid to touch me . Well...except for this one person who didn't know this.

Believe me, I am very much the same way. There is no shame in that.

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Originally posted by noTomato And then I also spoiler (highlight to read): keep most of my emotions deeply tucked away. So, no one will ever know me. And that screws me over too, cause no one will ever know how much I truly love them and want them and need them...uh...I think I just told them now anyways.

I was like that until October of 2003. Now, I am very much the exact opposite.

Okay, you really want to know some of my deepest, darkest secrets? Well, I won't reveal all of them (one of these deepest darkest secrets might explain why), but I'll reveal a good number that I thought I'd never reveal here...

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First and foremost, I suppose I should begin by confessing my age. As you can tell, this is a subject I tend to avoid, and I even purposely left out a date of birth in my profile. Well, the reason for this is because I have found that many people tend to form first impressions based on one's age, believing it to be a propoer measuring stick for maturity. This is something I wholeheartedly disagree with, and while I recognize that just about everyone on these forums really don't care about age, it was still something I didn't want to reveal just in case it did change someone's opinion of me. However, I also realize that hiding my age really makes me no better, as it implies a lack of trust among my fellow forum members...it also, I think, leads to some misconceptions that I should be much more willing to reveal. I actually quasi-revealed my age once (well, Wienberg did it in the thread, I only confirmed it), but I don't think many people remember that thread. So, for the second (and probably last) time, I shall reveal my true age... I am sixteen years old, which makes me the youngest of the moderators and only a baby compared to a lot of the other, more frequent posters. I suppose one reason I'm always hesitant to reveal my age is because a lot of adults tend to ignore the opinions and thoughts of other people my age, because we either haven't experienced enough of the world, aren't mature enough, not knowledgable/intelligent enough...and I really detest that. It doesn't help that several of my peers do an excellent job of living up to these expectations. I'm thankful that the majority of posters here really don't pay attention to age, and are accepting of just about everyone's opinions.

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My second major confession actually involves another member...I'm sure most of you remember el_w00t, yes? The second banned member, registered as another member (el_w00t_II) immediately afterwards, and was an overall rude fellow with a warped sense of humor. Well...I'm related to him; he's my cousin. He definitely presented a negative image of himself here, something which saddened me since he is usually much nicer than that, and is a fairly intelligent fellow. He has his quirks (such as his strange sense of humor, his sense of eliteness, and his fundamentalist religious views), but I suppose we all do. Unfortunately, he made it a point to display those instead of his more endearing qualities, something which I thought was a real shame.

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My third major confession isn't much of a confession...like others have stated, I'm quite the introvert. I don't reveal much about what I'm thinking, though I enjoy listening to others and trying to help them with their problems. However, I never really allow anyone to help me, since I never want to burden someone else with my problems. If I really told the truth (and this is a major confession since I only recently admitted it to myself a while ago, and haven't told anyone else...not even my deepest confident, Wienberg), I'm not satisfied with who I am as a person. Indeed, I hate several qualities about myself, and while I want to change them I have found that, at least right now, I lack the strength and will to improve myself. This only tends to increase my self-loathing...I once told Wienberg that I am a horrible person, and while he thought I was joking, there are times when I genuinely believe it. Nevertheless, as conflicted as I may be deep inside my soul, I do possess the hope that one day I will come to accept myself in my entirety, and when that time comes I will have finally matured into a respectable individual who will find some success in life...whatever he may decide to do.

Wow, that was a lot of confessing...granted, I only just touched the surface, though that last one really gave just about everyone on this forum the deepest glimpse of my soul anyone has ever had...no one, and I mean no one, knows about that part of me, but I have come to respect, trust, and care for so many of you that I felt you earned the right to know...I don't think I'm articulating myself very well right now, but alas...I tried.

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Well...what a way to celebrate my two thousand seven-hundredth post...

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I am young then most members think I am.

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I don't look anything like the picture I posted in the picture thread.

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I play bass

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Originally posted by whatever spoiler (highlight to read): I am young then most members think I am.

you have here you were born in 1900 O_o

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Originally posted by The Fallen Phoenix Okay, you really want to know some of my deepest, darkest secrets? Well, I won't reveal all of them (one of these deepest darkest secrets might explain why), but I'll reveal a good number that I thought I'd never reveal here... spoiler (highlight to read): First and foremost, I suppose I should begin by confessing my age. As you can tell, this is a subject I tend to avoid, and I even purposely left out a date of birth in my profile. Well, the reason for this is because I have found that many people tend to form first impressions based on one's age, believing it to be a propoer measuring stick for maturity. This is something I wholeheartedly disagree with, and while I recognize that just about everyone on these forums really don't care about age, it was still something I didn't want to reveal just in case it did change someone's opinion of me. However, I also realize that hiding my age really makes me no better, as it implies a lack of trust among my fellow forum members...it also, I think, leads to some misconceptions that I should be much more willing to reveal. I actually quasi-revealed my age once (well, Wienberg did it in the thread, I only confirmed it), but I don't think many people remember that thread. So, for the second (and probably last) time, I shall reveal my true age... I am sixteen years old, which makes me the youngest of the moderators and only a baby compared to a lot of the other, more frequent posters. I suppose one reason I'm always hesitant to reveal my age is because a lot of adults tend to ignore the opinions and thoughts of other people my age, because we either haven't experienced enough of the world, aren't mature enough, not knowledgable/intelligent enough...and I really detest that. It doesn't help that several of my peers do an excellent job of living up to these expectations. I'm thankful that the majority of posters here really don't pay attention to age, and are accepting of just about everyone's opinions.

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Sure did fool me, I though you were at least 18 or somthing.

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spoiler (highlight to read): My second major confession actually involves another member...I'm sure most of you remember el_w00t, yes? The second banned member, registered as another member (el_w00t_II) immediately afterwards, and was an overall rude fellow with a warped sense of humor. Well...I'm related to him; he's my cousin. He definitely presented a negative image of himself here, something which saddened me since he is usually much nicer than that, and is a fairly intelligent fellow. He has his quirks (such as his strange sense of humor, his sense of eliteness, and his fundamentalist religious views), but I suppose we all do. Unfortunately, he made it a point to display those instead of his more endearing qualities, something which I thought was a real shame.

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One time some one of my brother's loser friends started spamming these boards and I got really pissed. But I think his account was delted very quickly and his posts were erased

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Originally posted by Zopwx2 spoiler (highlight to read): One time some one of my brother's loser friends started spamming these boards and I got really pissed. But I think his account was delted very quickly and his posts were erased

I remember that.

More of my dark secrets you say? Fine!

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I am very very shy. May not come as much of a surprise to some, but I can't stand being the 'out' kid.

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I truly think I am responsible for a family members death. I could have done stuff to prevent it, even if all I did was talk to him. But I didn't because I was scared of what would happen. So now I carry with me the burden of not knowing whether or not I could have made a difference. At least with knowing I was responsible, I could just live with that. But contemplating it is the worst thing for me

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And finally, I crave to be accepted. If even only a simple reference to my name, I am happy. I like knowing I in someway impacted someone even if very minor

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Originally posted by The Fallen Phoenix spoiler (highlight to read): First and foremost, I suppose I should begin by confessing my age. As you can tell, this is a subject I tend to avoid, and I even purposely left out a date of birth in my profile. Well, the reason for this is because I have found that many people tend to form first impressions based on one's age, believing it to be a propoer measuring stick for maturity. This is something I wholeheartedly disagree with, and while I recognize that just about everyone on these forums really don't care about age, it was still something I didn't want to reveal just in case it did change someone's opinion of me. However, I also realize that hiding my age really makes me no better, as it implies a lack of trust among my fellow forum members...it also, I think, leads to some misconceptions that I should be much more willing to reveal. I actually quasi-revealed my age once (well, Wienberg did it in the thread, I only confirmed it), but I don't think many people remember that thread. So, for the second (and probably last) time, I shall reveal my true age... I am sixteen years old, which makes me the youngest of the moderators and only a baby compared to a lot of the other, more frequent posters. I suppose one reason I'm always hesitant to reveal my age is because a lot of adults tend to ignore the opinions and thoughts of other people my age, because we either haven't experienced enough of the world, aren't mature enough, not knowledgable/intelligent enough...and I really detest that. It doesn't help that several of my peers do an excellent job of living up to these expectations. I'm thankful that the majority of posters here really don't pay attention to age, and are accepting of just about everyone's opinions.

I think I figured this out from the picture thread. Perhaps you were in there.(?) I think age has liitle to do with intelligence or maturity. There are several members your age who act much younger....not to mention several older ones who feel that they haven't quite grown up yet

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Originally posted by Madrona quote: Originally posted by The Fallen Phoenix spoiler (highlight to read): First and foremost, I suppose I should begin by confessing my age. As you can tell, this is a subject I tend to avoid, and I even purposely left out a date of birth in my profile. Well, the reason for this is because I have found that many people tend to form first impressions based on one's age, believing it to be a propoer measuring stick for maturity. This is something I wholeheartedly disagree with, and while I recognize that just about everyone on these forums really don't care about age, it was still something I didn't want to reveal just in case it did change someone's opinion of me. However, I also realize that hiding my age really makes me no better, as it implies a lack of trust among my fellow forum members...it also, I think, leads to some misconceptions that I should be much more willing to reveal. I actually quasi-revealed my age once (well, Wienberg did it in the thread, I only confirmed it), but I don't think many people remember that thread. So, for the second (and probably last) time, I shall reveal my true age... I am sixteen years old, which makes me the youngest of the moderators and only a baby compared to a lot of the other, more frequent posters. I suppose one reason I'm always hesitant to reveal my age is because a lot of adults tend to ignore the opinions and thoughts of other people my age, because we either haven't experienced enough of the world, aren't mature enough, not knowledgable/intelligent enough...and I really detest that. It doesn't help that several of my peers do an excellent job of living up to these expectations. I'm thankful that the majority of posters here really don't pay attention to age, and are accepting of just about everyone's opinions. I think I figured this out from the picture thread. Perhaps you were in there.(?) I think age has liitle to do with intelligence or maturity. There are several members your age who act much younger....not to mention several older ones who feel that they haven't quite grown up yet

I will have to agree with Madrona. Intelligence and maturity is not directly proportional to age. Though I now know your age, I can respect you more.

oh man....

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i have been diagnosed with cronic depresssion, and social anxiety disorder.

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i was a cutter when i was young, i still kinda am.

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i may have a son

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i really like avril lavigne!!!

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IM GOING TO HER CONCERT ON NOVEMBER 7TH DOWN IN GLENDALE!

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Originally posted by Lady Tesser spoiler (highlight to read): I'm naturally blonde, I am not a redhead. I was given the wrong hair color at birth by the Hair-Color Fairy.

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Guilty! However, I've naturally had EVERY hair color BUT red, and that's always been the one I wanted the most.

Oooo...another one? Ok

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I have an obsession with my favorite childhood cartoon, Jem. It's absolutely embarassing! I even have a nice little collection (or shrine if you will) of Jem toys...

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I absolutely HATED Big O when I first saw it. I feel so ashamed

Ha ha...last one for now!

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I'm so afraid of rejection that if I ever develop a crush on a guy, I make EVERY effort to ensure that he NEVER finds out. I also run away from potential relationships with my tail between my legs. *lol* Looks like I'm going to spend the rest of my life as a spinster!

That's enough out of me!


Latah
Jules: The Token Girl