Uh.............................bump?
.........
(yet another example of the use of internet-related phrases by an awkward relative novice)
........well, in any case, just to help keep the discussion
and this great thread alive:
I was rather cold and science-orientated in my previous post on what I considered both as the hidden nature of love, and as to what I considered to be the "purest" type of love. I still hold to those ideas, but I wish to dig a bit deeper into what I regard as how love is conducted between human beings
(Without the grim, slice-and-dice, "you-are-little-more-than-a-sentient-rock", hardcore reductionist view).
Looking back at how I regard love and its place in my life and the lives of those around me that I see, I could some it up in one phrase, really: EFFORT. Seriously, I don't think that the feelings that lead up to love between individuals surmount to the mysterious or nebulous "feel" that is often attributed to the emotion (indeed, I feel that approach to the nature of love is more destructive than romantic). Love isn't something that just happens, no matter of which type you are speaking. It involves a collection of different experiences and emotions as well. I think that trust is a firm bedrock for love, because many of the relationships in which I have participated - amid various roles and degrees - started with just getting to know and really trust that person; to trust them enough to let them get close to you, and to try to cement something that carries a risk for you both if it doesn't work out.
Mutual understanding and respect are also important points in the way that love is perceived. Once that trust has been established, it must be built upon by a mutual sense of understanding of each other's perspectives and thought patterns, and - perhaps a little more difficult - a respect for those individual traits. I have seen many a developing relationship sidetracked by a lack of the proceeding on one side or the other. And it doesn't end there, because one has proximity to sort out - how often you meet, how you get along for extended periods of time, and etc. These, I believe, are not extra things that simply might come along when you fall in love; they are intrinsic parts of the process, and whether they come before or after the point at which you perceived you "fell in love", they
must come along at some point, or else how can one measure the value of your love in the face of every possible scenario?
Those accompanying emotions and circumstances - trust, respect, understanding, and proximity - are just general for all types of emotional love - whether they are romantic or platonic, passionate or compassionate. Every individual type of love comes with its own baggage and mental wrestling. That's why I'm so skeptical of "love at first site"; how can you "love" someone without knowing anything about them? Even if it is love, it is only, in my opinion, an emotional reaction to a shadow - a visage of a person that you have projected based on your own imagination and scant observations - without regard as to what that person is truly like. Two things I take to heart: Never judge based on appearances and perceptions, and people are usually more complex in their motivations than they may appear.
That said, however, I like to say that the love that emerges from the hard-shelled chrysalis is a beautiful and sturdy thing; it gives and takes, and shares; it may sometimes argue, sometimes compromise, but will usually emerge from every threat to it's foundation stronger than before.
This, I think, is the true idealization of love; something that may not be perfect, but is grounded enough in its own reality to survive every harsh blow that can be directed to it. Connecting this to FP's question - and my previous point - the platonic love between friends is strongest in this regard, because of its nature; it's less likely to form under pretense then the others; mutual respect and understanding might be easier to accomplish with peers of like mind; and, of course, it is a representation of a bond that is formed with flexibility in its framework. There are less social patterns and guidelines that need to be respected at all times; I value every love tie that is present in my life, but when I am with a very close friend of mine, I felt a connection that was at once closer and more casual than my ties to family, or my ex-girlfriends, or others. It's that combination that makes the platonic tie so strong in my life.
These are based on my own experiences, and are open to any individual descent. And, of course, you may very well argue against it. But this approach is how I've lived, and my intentions probably won't change until my mind does. And who knows when that will happen, seriously.
....bit more than I intended to write...but, meh, whatever
.
Peace
It is my desire that, through a healthy debate on this topic, we might discover what the highest ideal of love really is...