Family Guy quotes

Quagmire at a bar

Quagmire: Hey pretty lady!

Lady who turns out to be a man: Hey buddy

Quagmire: Whoa transvestite! Back off! Wait, pre-op or post-op?

Lady who is a man: post-op

Quagmire: Whoa transvestite! Back off!

Well, I'm glad everyone are enjoying the jokes, but as for me, I'm at a loss here.

I LOST MY VOL. 2 DVD SET OF FAMILY GUY!!!

I can't find it anywhere in my house either! And because of it, I can't sleep and I'll be full of anxiety until I find it (and it's been almost a month since I lost it)!!!!!

"NO WAY! I will give you all my Star Wars guys if that's true. Except Boba Fett, no matter how sure I am I never risk the Fett-man." Peter Griffin
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Peter - "Hey o' bean...hey, what are you doing with my Star Wars Glass?"

Brian - "Illustrating a point, Peter, when Han Solo took Millennium Falcon into Cloud City, he found that Lando had turned control of the city over to Darth Vader, Lando forgot who he was , it' was only after then that Han was frozen and taken by Boba Fett to Jabba's Palace, he was able to see his error of his ways. Peter, look inside of you, your not a Newport Millionaire, I created you, in a way, I am your father."

Peter - "That's not true, that impossible!"

Brian - "Damn it peter snap out of it!"

Peter - "NOOOOOOO!!!"

*ding dong*

Girl- Yes?
Quagmire - Hey sweety how old are you?
Girl- Umm, 16.
Quagmire - 18! Great!
Girl - MOM!!
Quagmire - I like where this is going! Gigity Gigity Gigity!

Meg: "Chris, you're hogging all the fans!"
Chris: "Oh, yeah? Well, you're hogging up all the UGLY!!"

Quagmire: "Well, the only tent I'll be pitching this weekend is... well, you see where I'm going with this." *momentary pause, then pelvic thrust* "Oh!"

Chris: *to Kate Moss, who'd just appeared out of nowhere* "Aah! Are you the Matrix??"

Chris: "Hey, do you remember back in 3rd grade when you called me 'Chris Gristle'?"
Kid: "Yeah..."
Chris: "Well, BURN FOR IT!!!" *sets kid on fire*

Peter: "Hey, Joe, what do you say you and me go outside and go skate boar-- bike ri-- jump ro-- ...go lay out on the grass?"

...and that's about all I can think of for now.

I don't know if it was posted, but it goes along with the last quote:

"Holy crip he's a crapple!"

Too lazy to read three pages of this, so I'm just gonna write my favorites...

Peter: Oh, oh God! Did somebody open the ark of the covenant?!?

Peter: Uhhh...look! It's Bigfoot!
Bigfoot: Whoa, whoa, whoa! This isn't about me, it's about you!

*Adam West heads to the bathroom door marked "Adam West"*
Adam West: No, no, that's exactly what they'd be expecting...

Newsguy: Son, eat your breakfast...
Son with the upsidedown face: Why? I'm just a FREAK!

Awwoooo....
Quagmire: What's that?
*shines flashlight up the stairs revealing Michael Winslow*
Quagmire: Oh...it's just Michael Winslow from Police Academy...

Lois: You turned the livingroom into PeeWee's Playhouse?
Peter: Check out the best part!
*Opens the genie box, Brian's head is inside wearing the turbin*
Brian: Mechalecha hi, mecha...god, I hate you...

Peter: I did drugs once, everything just got way too real...
*shows a 3-D Peter on a park bench examining his hands in wonder*

And the one where Peter has the baby birds living his beard and imagines his kid's heads on them. He sees the first one turn into Chris, the second one turns into Stewie, looks at the third for a second and says "Uh..." then the third one turns into Boba Fett.

And I can't remember which episode it was, but the one where Peter makes the house into a giant puppet and is using it to yell at people on the street.

There's a thosand more hilarious jokes in that series, I could go on all night. Next Halloween I plan on dressing up Peter Griffon if I can't make a Chewbacca costume by then.

When Peter when back in time with Daeth-

1.Quagmire: Does this look like a q?

2.Peter: Oh my God were being chased by fluffy white ghosts. (Im not shure if this is the exaxt quote)

Almost every episode-

Stewie: Damn you Lois!

Post ur favorite family guy quotes!

check out http://www.familyguyquotes.com they got good quotes!

i love these!

Peter: Hey, what are you doing here?
Superman: I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phonebook.

Lois: I care about the size of your penis as much as you care about the size of my breasts.
Peter: Oh my God! (runs off crying)

Peter: Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian: You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No, they've never done that.

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."

Stewie: What's this? Blueberries! Oh, oh my G ... oh, that's better than sex!

Chris: Dad, can you help me with my math homework?
Peter: Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology.

wow thats pretty cool site!

too bad there is a thread with the same title; http://www.paradigm-city.com/forums/thre...readid=312&sid=

[Edit: Merged. --Krang]