[Fan Fiction] Cheap Innuendoes and Jokes (Mature Content may not be suitable for persons under 16 years of age.)

Tony Waynewrong 11-05-2003 12:56 PM
Hi All,

I thought this will be the perfect spot for sleazy, yet PG-13, innuendos. Please don't be shy, post away.

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Here is why zola and typerez should never chat on AIM. When two dirty minds collaborate... Well, you'll see!
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Roger: Welcome back to the Big O Bloopers special.
Dorothy: Now for our next clip, we have…
Angel: **Walking in and interrupting** We have a very special audio clip. I warn you, this may be too graphic for the younger members of our audience, so send them out of the room! **turns towards the control room** Hit it, Steve!

Dorothy: I love this Roger.
Roger: I knew you would. Want me to go faster? Or should I take it slow?
Dorothy: Faster, Roger! Faster!
Roger: Hold on, girl! I am only human.
Dorothy: I want more. Roger, I need more. What's the matter, can't go the distance?
Roger: That’s it! I’m putting it in overdrive. Feel the power?
Dorothy: Yes… Yes… I feel the power.
Roger: Look out! It's coming... It's coming…
Dorothy: Not yet, too early… Pull out… Pull out... Aaaaah
Roger: I can't stop. Aaaaah…
**Silence for a moment...**
Roger: **Turns to Dorothy with an evil smirk** Now you must admit that was the best you ever had!
Dorothy: You are such a louse, Roger Smith! ** Smirks back.** Let's do it again!
Roger: *smiles* Okay! You know, one of these days I'll have to teach you how to drive.

** Roger and Dorothy staring viciously at Angel. **
Dorothy: ** Blushing. ** You are taking it way out of context!
Roger: Angel, we almost hit a delivery truck! You know we were only riding… driving… It was perfectly innocent!
Angel: Then why did you both ask me for a cigarette when the scene was over? If I realized you could be that much fun, I would have...**Dorothy puts her hand over Angel's mouth to shut her up and drags her out of the camera view**
Roger: ** Nervously looking around. ** Well, that's all the time we have. ** Angel screaming in the background. ** Thank you for joining us. Good night.


[Edit: Post moved here from Bloopers thread. --Krang]
Tony Waynewrong 11-09-2003 03:14 PM
Angel and Dastun are in his office.

Dastun: If you don’t want to, I will understand.
Angel: ** Nervous ** Well, I know that this was going to happen eventually.
Dastun: So, shall we get on with it.
Angel: ** Sarcastic ** Sure, the sooner we finish, the better.
Dastun: What is that suppose to mean?
Angel: Well, it is not like I care or anything like that. It’ll be quick and I can go on with my day.
Dastun: ** Angry. ** Well, I thought we would take our time. But, …
Angel: ** Sarcastic ** Come on, Dan! I know what I am doing. It’s not my first time.
Dastun: ** Embarrassed. ** What do you mean by that? I am a Colonel. I use to do this all the time.
Angel: ** Laughing. ** What, like a million years ago. Aren’t you afraid if you don’t use it, you lose it?
Dastun: ** Shouting. ** That’s it! Right here! Right now!
Angel: Finally sounds like you have the guts! Show it to me!
Dastun: ** Opening his drawer. ** First, I need some protection.
Angel: ** Surprised. ** What’s that for. Believe me, nothing is going to happen.
Dastun: ** Sarcastic. ** Yeah, I heard that one before! First they say that, then they spring the surprise on you. I am not going risk it.
Angel: ** Impatient ** I am not going wait forever.
Dastun: I am ready! Let’s do it!
Angel: Show it to me!
Dastun: Here, what do you think?
Angel: That’s it? I got all excited for nothing?
Dastun: ** Angry ** Come on! Cut the comedy, just pick out all the union conspirators.
A Clockwork Tomato 11-09-2003 06:43 PM
"Norman, if you post footage from my wristwatch to the Internet one more time, you're fired!"
Lady Tesser 11-09-2003 08:08 PM
Roger: Hey, get off of me!
Dorothy: Nuh-uh, baby! I've got you pinned!
Roger: Not so rough, little girl!
Dorothy: What's wrong? I thought you liked it rough.
Roger: You didn't give me a chance!
Dorothy: Is it MY problem you can't get on top?
Roger: Okay, okay. Stop twisting it like that! I'm new to this.
Dorothy: Put your thumb there -
Roger: I KNOW!
Dorothy: Really, Roger, you act like you've never played a video game before.

* * *

I feel soiled. Sweatdrop I'm going to go shower.
pen1300 11-09-2003 08:24 PM
Ok, Two (semi-)rules were broken in this thread:

1.)No double/triple posting

2.) Two of those post came from other threads.(I kinda consider it spam) If you want, link to the thread/post that is relevent, but please avoid this.

This is your only warning. If this gets too dirty or another post is copied, I will lock this.

Thank you,
Pen1300
Tony Waynewrong 11-10-2003 11:07 AM
Hey Lady Tesser, nice one. It is not that dirty. It's only suggestive. Let the reader's dirty little minds think what they will. Smile

Another reason why zola and typerez should never chat on AIM.

** Scene takes place in the Military Police Headquarters. Dastun, Roger, Dorothy and Norman and another officer are to review archive footage of the unscrupulous Vera. **

Dastun: Thank you all for coming. The footage that you are going to see may disturb you. I have not seen it myself, but we lost two good men while trying to get it out of the Union lair.
Dorothy: Do you know the contents of the tape?
Dastun: I was told that it was of the Union’s leader and her methods of torture.
Roger: Is it authentic?
Dastun: The guys in the lab believe it is. ** Looks to the projector operator. ** Matt, Roll it!

** The lights dim and the silver screen glows. At first nothing but numbers are flashed in descending order. Then the black and white images of a stocky woman appear. She is whipping a young man. He seems to be crying out, but there is no sound from the film. **

Dastun: The woman with the whip is Vera. She is the ring leader of a terrorist movement, called “The Union of Exiled Proletariats” or better known as “The Union”
Roger: **Sarcastic** Looks like the poor guy is getting it.
Dastun: ** Not amused. ** Roger, I asked you and your associates to review this film so that we may have better understanding to what we are dealing with, not for you to sharpen your sarcastic wit on my expense.
Dorothy: Do we know the identity of the victim?
Dastun: No, we don’t.

** The film changes to another scene. It is Vera with a blowtorch, which she is placing close to the man's feet. **

Norman: Oh dear, how dreadful.
Dastun: Vera, it appears, demands total loyalty. And if she doesn’t get it, the punishment can be severe.
Dorothy: ** Perplexed. ** Why is he smiling?
Roger: Who, Dorothy?
Dorothy: The alleged victim. If my Pattern Analysis System is correct, he is actually laughing.
Dastun: ** Amazed. ** Can you read his lips?
Dorothy: Yes, I can.
Dastun: ** Excited. ** Then what are they saying.
Dorothy: ** Still perplexed. ** Well he is referring to her as mommy.
Roger: He must be delirious. This is an outrage!
Norman: ** Giggling. **
Dastun: What is it, Norman?
Norman: Nothing. However, I do suggest that we turn off the projector before it is too late.
Dastun: Why? Do you know about this?
Dorothy: ** Still looking at the screen, while everybody else was staring at Norman. ** Roger, why is she kissing the alleged victim?
Roger: ** Still staring at Norman. ** What was that?
Dorothy: Well, she is now kissing the victim and saying “It is time for your last punishment, little love man.”
Dastun: ** Yelling at the projector operator. ** Matt, stop it!!!

** The next scene is Norman, Roger and Dorothy are walking toward the parking lot. **
Norman: …very good, sir. I will meet you two at the estate.
Roger: Thank you, Norman.
Dorothy: ** Perplexed. ** Roger, I don’t understand something.
Roger: What don’t you understand?
Dorothy: Well, Vera was inflicting pain on Gordon, and… ** Interrupted**
Roger: Gordon? Do you mean Gordon Rosewater?
Dorothy: Yes. My P.A.S. has access to my database, which enabled me to identity the alleged victim, with 92.667% accuracy. As I was saying, she was inflicting pain to Gordon, and he was obviously hurting. However, he kept on asking for more. And, as for referring to Vera as mommy…** Interrupted**
Roger: ** Nervous. ** Never mind, Dorothy. This is way too hard for me to explain.
Dorothy: I see… I also have one more question?
Roger: Well, OK.
Dorothy: If I tied you up and whipped you… ** Interrupted.**
Roger: Don't even go there! **Drags Dorothy off**
Norman: ** Laughing to the point he is unable to start his motorcycle.** Don't forget to call her mommy, Master Roger...
Prince-Consort Tesser 11-10-2003 08:24 PM
Alright! My wife is distracted. She wouldn't let me post all of this one in the Blooper thread (she embarasses so easily). But it's suitable for this thread.

===========

Dorothy was heading out to the balcony with a tray when her leg suddenly fell off. She stood there on one leg, looking down at the detached one with an air of annoyance.

Roger raised both eyebrows and asked, "What's this about, Dorothy?"

"Norman isn't too good with android upkeep." Dorothy sighed in annoyance as she pulled a screwdriver out of her waistband. "I'm overdue for proper maintenance. Could you re-attach it for me?"

"Sure." He got up and took the screwdriver. "What do I do?"

"Get my legs into position, put your tool up my skirt, and give me a good screwing."

Roger paused for a moment. "Beg pardon?"

"I haven't had a good screwing in months," she complained. "And obviously Norman doesn't have what it takes. You do, I can tell - you have such large hands."

"I've heard that." Rubbing the back of his neck (as most Japanese animated characters do when embarassed), he asked, "Is there anything else I should do?"

Dorothy seemed impatient. "Will you get busy? Just put that tool where it will do the most good and get busy. I have things to do and don't have time for anything else. I can't stand around with my legs apart all day."

Roger snickered. Then guffawed. Then broke into hysterical laughter and fell down, clutching his sides.

Dorothy just looked at him as he laughed uncontrollably. "Was it something I said?"
Tony Waynewrong 11-10-2003 08:31 PM
Lady Tesser!
Lady Tesser!
Look what your hubby has done! Smile

Prince-Consort Tesser, that was good. Dorothy really needed a good screwing...err...mounting...err.... Well, you know what I mean. Wink
Prince-Consort Tesser 11-10-2003 08:35 PM
TATTLETALE!

Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue Tongue
Lady Tesser 11-10-2003 08:42 PM
Oh, Great Mother, he DID post it ...

*hides in closet*
Tony Waynewrong 11-10-2003 08:42 PM
** Opening the back door. **

The coast is clear. Run, Prince-Consort Tesser, Run! Smile
Zola 11-10-2003 08:59 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Prince-Consort Tesser

Dorothy just looked at him as he laughed uncontrollably. "Was it something I said?"


ROTFLMAO

You're a sick, sick man Prince-Consort Tesser. My kind of guy!
Advinius 11-10-2003 10:24 PM
*wipes away a tear for the twisted beauty of it all...*
Mega Dominus 11-10-2003 11:26 PM
You people make me sick...

That's why I like you all. Big Grin
Tony Waynewrong 11-11-2003 02:30 PM
Another sick and sorry innuendo. Enjoy.

** Norman was sitting on a chair in the dining room. In right hand was a newspaper early morning edition of the Paradigm Gazette and his left was a cup coffee. **

Norman: ** Hearing somebody approaching. ** Oh dear, I shouldn’t be here.
Dorothy: ** Finally within sight of Norman. ** Good morning, Norman.
Norman: ** Masking his giggling. ** Good Morning, Dorothy. ** Struggling to contain his laughter ** How was your night?
Dorothy: It was fine, Norman. And yours?
Norman: Oh, it was uneventful.
Dorothy: ** Perplexed. ** Is there something humorous that you would like to share with me?
Norman: ** Still struggling to contain his laughter ** No, I just love the comic section, that’s all.
Dorothy: Norman, I am aware of the concept of humor. However, I am certain that the comic section of that newspaper is not that funny. Tell me what you are laughing about.
Norman: I am sorry, Dorothy. I couldn’t help it.
Dorothy: ** Perplexed. ** Help what? What are you talking about?
Norman: ** Blushing. ** I couldn’t help hear you and Roger last night. It was too loud.
Dorothy: Oh, I see. Well, Roger and I were only…
Norman: ** Interrupting. ** No, No, I don’t need to hear the details.
Dorothy: Roger was on top of me, then I was on top of him…
Norman: ** Nervously Interrupting. ** Please stop! I don’t want to know!
Dorothy: Norman, don’t get so nervous. Everybody does it!
Norman: ** Stands up and heads for the door. ** Yes, but you don’t talk about it after.
Dorothy: ** Chasing Norman** So, Twister is a game that you are not supposed to talk about?
Lady Tesser 11-11-2003 02:44 PM
*giggles* A lot of the make up a scene thread had starts in Twister Games (not mine).

What Norman heard last night:

Dorothy: Roger, put your hand there.
Roger: No, I'm putting it here.
Dorothy: Why - it's not that effective.
Roger: I know what I'm doing.
Dorothy: You have no idea what you're doing. Can you reach that?
Roger: No - you spin it, Dora.
Dorothy: *mumble* Watch your elbow.
Roger: I didn't know you were this flexible!
Dorothy: I can also put my ankles behind my head if you wish.
Roger: Later on.
etc.
Tony Waynewrong 11-12-2003 01:02 PM
Hi All, I hope you enjoy this.

** Norman is walking by a guest room. The door is shut and he can hear noises.**

Roger: OK, Dorothy. 1…2…3… Aaahhh.
Dorothy: No, that won’t do. Please try again.
Roger: ** Breathing heavy. ** But, I did it three times. I am tired! I am only human.
Dorothy: Well, if you would have let me take over, you wouldn’t be so tired.
Roger: OK, Dorothy. I’ll lie down and you take over.
Dorothy: OK, this is how you do it.
Norman: ** Surprised, placing his ear to the door. ** Oh dear, I shouldn’t be hearing this.
** Suddenly a slam against the wall. **
Roger: ** Yelling. ** Not so hard! You’re going to break something.
Dorothy: Roger, please just lie there quietly. I can handle this…
Roger: How can I lay here while you are pushing and shoving? I can only take so much.
Dorothy: Roger, you are such a louse. You said that this is mine, and then you try to tell me what to do. If it is mine, you will do what I say.
Roger: ** Sarcastically. ** Yes, master.
Norman: ** Walking away from the door rapidly. ** This is none of my business.
Dorothy: Fine then, I will leave the dresser here. What do you think, Roger.
Roger: ** Pouting ** I am not saying anything, it is your room.
Wingnut 11-12-2003 02:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by tvperez
Hi All, I hope you enjoy this.

** Norman is walking by a guest room. The door is shut and he can hear noises.**

Roger: OK, Dorothy. 1…2…3… Aaahhh.
Dorothy: No, that won’t do. Please try again.
Roger: ** Breathing heavy. ** But, I did it three times. I am tired! I am only human.
Dorothy: Well, if you would have let me take over, you wouldn’t be so tired.
Roger: OK, Dorothy. I’ll lie down and you take over.
Dorothy: OK, this is how you do it.
Norman: ** Surprised, placing his ear to the door. ** Oh dear, I shouldn’t be hearing this.
** Suddenly a slam against the wall. **
Roger: ** Yelling. ** Not so hard! You’re going to break something.
Dorothy: Roger, please just lie there quietly. I can handle this…
Roger: How can I lay here while you are pushing and shoving? I can only take so much.
Dorothy: Roger, you are such a louse. You said that this is mine, and then you try to tell me what to do. If it is mine, you will do what I say.
Roger: ** Sarcastically. ** Yes, master.
Norman: ** Walking away from the door rapidly. ** This is none of my business.
Dorothy: Fine then, I will leave the dresser here. What do you think, Roger.
Roger: ** Pouting ** I am not saying anything, it is your room.

All that over moveing a piece of furniture. What kind of sick and twisted people are we? Wait, don't answer that.
Darkside 11-12-2003 05:55 PM
Dorothy: Roger you ready?
Roger: as I'll ever be?
Norman: Ready miss Dorothy.
Roger: Where does it go?
Dorothy: I think it goes here
Roger: Here?
Norman: No it goes here Master Roger.
Dorothy: Ow! Hey that hurt!
Roger: we'll if you were more careful...
Dorothy: Oh shut up!
Roger:Ahhh! That isn't supp0osed to bend that way!
Norman:That can easily be fixed sir, observe.
Dorothy:Just Lucky Normans here to tell you what to do.
Norman: Do as I do Roger. In and out. you try.
Roger: oh IN and out. I get it. Its so simple.
Dorothy: Oh shut up.
Roger: i got it to go in and out see.
Norman:This is the last time I let you try to give the Griffon an Oil change. Roll Eyes

This is my first try at this sorry but it popped in my head and had to type it.Embarrassed Sweatdrop
Wingnut 11-12-2003 07:31 PM
Let's hope that Roger never tries to fix Big O on his own.Anime Smile