[Fan Fiction] Cheap Innuendoes and Jokes (Mature Content may not be suitable for persons under 16 years of age.)

Vera: Know, Mr. Negotiator. You will feel such sensations…
Roger: No. Please don’t.
Vera: Oh, yes. I have been dreaming of this moment since the first time I ever laid my eyes on you.
Roger: I can see that you are… A nice girl. But, can you let me go? I don’t appreciate being strapped to a bed like this.
Vera: Not before I have my pleasures with you.
Roger: No, that won’t be necessary. Really, I am fine.
Vera: Yes, you are fine. ** Snickered. ** But now, now is the time for ecstasy.
Roger: Please don’t. I am begging you.
Vera: Take this, you little man…
Roger: ** Screams ** Stop it, I beg of you. I will be a good little Negotiator.
Vera: Well then, let me get my big whip.
** Dorothy breaks through the door. **
Dorothy: Vera, release him.
Vera: No, you cannot have him.
Roger: Help me! She has gone mad.
Dorothy: ** Interrupted ** Why is he wearing a suit identical to yours, Roger?
The real Roger Smith: ** Enters the Room. ** Vera, you are sick. As for you, Roger Stevenson, if you can’t take the whip, stay away from Vera!

Vera...bondage...whips. Ok, I'm weirded out.

“Beck, you shouldn’t be so nervous,” Dorothy said in her usual monotone. “We've been doing this for a month already.”

“If Crowboy saw us doing this, he’ll kill me and dismantle you!” Jason said, trying to mask his apprehension.

A sound emanated from Dorothy which can only be described as a giggle. She placed her head on his shoulders. “I won’t tell him if you don’t”

Beck let out a nervous laugh, he started to breath heavy. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t ya?”

Dorothy looked up and stared at Beck with her obsidian eyes. “It is nice to do this with other people,” she said coldly. “Besides you need the practice.”

Beck became flush. “What do ya mean I “need the practice’?” he asked in protest.

“You wouldn’t have come to me if you didn’t.” Dorothy noticed Beck had stopped. “You shouldn’t get angry, Jason,” Dorothy said in her most sincere tone. “Dori will appreciate your new skills.”

“Yeah, Dori always wanted me to be good at this,” Beck resumed. “What about Crowboy? Do you practice for him?”

“Not really,” Dorothy said casually and unemotionally. “I don’t do it for the practice. I do it when I get a chance.”

Beck laughed aloud hysterically. “You mean Roger can’t do it!”

“He thinks he can, but I know better,” Dorothy replied frankly. She noticed that Beck was sweating profusely. “Looks like you need a break. I have been working you too hard.”

“Dorothy, I can take you and Dori on at the same time. No person or android can take me down,” Beck answered. He panted noticeably and looked exhausted.

Dorothy sensed Beck’s determination, despite his lack of endurance, she said, “Let’s stop here. If I’m not back by 5 o’clock, Norman will have to start preparing dinner without me.”

“Oh Dorothy, don’t leave yet. I love the way you move your hips,” Beck retort sarcastically, trying to keep up with her. “Besides, you don’t have to serve him anymore. You could live with Dori and me. Me with two Wayneright sisters, ol’ Roger would hava heart attack.”

Dorothy suddenly stopped and stared at Beck. “Your hour is up. We’ll resume your dance lessons same time next week.”

From the point where Dorothy said that Beck needed the practice, and then mentioning that Dori would appreciate the new skills, I knew it had to be that Dorothy was teaching Beck how to dance. You gave away a critical clue too early in the story. If the part about Dori appreciateing the new skills were omited, it would've likely taken me longer to figure out that Dorothy was giveing Beck danceing lessons so that he could keep up with Dori.

here's another I made!

ashleigh is in the bathtub

ashleigh: ahhhhhh.... ohhhh..... that feels good ahhhhh.....
oooooooooooooooh...
*ashleigh continues moaning* *angel hears what she's doing*
angel: she's doing IT with roger again! Well, I'll might as well kick down the door myself!
*angel kicks down door*
ashleigh *thinking*:oh-no not again...
angel:ok, you better give it up!!
Ashleigh:ANGEL! i'm taking a hot bubble bath! do you mind?
angel:oh...sorrry about that....*drives to the speakeasy*

That could be a possible senario for any of the cast to run into and give them cause to investigate the origins of said moaning. If IT was really going on in there all Angel would have to do is listen for one or two key words or phrases to confirm her suspicions. Knowing Roger, I doubt that she would have to wait very long.

(I'm so going to hell for this. A semi-serious innuendo?)

---

A drawer slammed shut with a resonating crack.

Alan giggled maniacally over his shoulder at the King of Paradigm. Not a moment later did he find himself grabbed roughly by the back of the collar and shoved down onto the hard surface of Rosewater's desk. Alex smiled humorlessly.

"You're trapped, are you?"

"So it would seem, Mr. President," Alan snickered back, though it perhaps faltered for the briefest moment when he found that he was, indeed, trapped-- he was firmly pinned where he was, and his right arm would not be moved from its spot. Alex's hand slid into his jacket, and Alan almost frowned. It withdrew with his luger, taking it swiftly out of sight.

"Oh, that wasn't very nice."

"I think you'll find, Alan," Alex remarked coolly, "that niceties are no longer an option if you put your hands where they don't belong. Now, I'm willing to overlook this little incident, provided you give me a certain measure of... compensation."

Alan smiled that demon's grin and laid his head on the cool wood, letting his hat fall away. This was just a minor inconvenience, really... at least now he knew what Alex was capable of. He was just... oh, testing the merchandise, shall we say? He giggled once more.

"Your wish is my command." He wriggled a little in the President's grasp, forcing a mock-pout into his voice. "By all means, help me out, then..."

A rustle of clothing.

"Ooh, thank you so much for this, sir..."

A bang of the desk drawer. Then another. And another.

"You're equipped more heavily than I thought you'd be."

"Just put a little muscle into it, Mr. President!"

"Shut up, Alan."

Bang. Bang. Bang. Then it finally happened; what the moment had been building up to this whole time...

Too stressed by the unrelenting movement, the drawer flew open and Alan's hand tore free from its prison, a manila folder full of confidential papers clutched in his metallic grip. He didn't look guilty in the slightest.

"So, your compensation?"

Alex was pissed.

"First of all, give me those files before I fire you like I did Angel. You're not indispensable in the long run, you know. I expect nothing less than your unconditional loyalty, do you understand?" He withdrew Alan's gun from its hiding spot and pressed the barrel right to his black forehead. "Enhancements or not, you can't survive everything. Am I right?"

"As always," came the amused reply.

With a final growl, Alex shoved the gun into his subordinate's arms and slumped down in his desk chair, the beginnings of a headache pulsing steadily behind his closed eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Go get me a latte."

---

Hee. I'll go hide from the lot of you now. *scampers away*

So Alex is pissed because he hasn't had his morning coffee, and Alen refused to go and get him some?
Then again as a fanfic writer one said in a fic of theirs, "Sex may satisfy, food adds fuel, smiles may sustain but without coffee the world was damned."

These are really cool, guys. It's about time others take on Innuendoes. Operation corrupt youth is on track!

quote:

Originally posted by Wingnut So Alex is pissed because he hasn't had his morning coffee, and Alen refused to go and get him some? Then again as a fanfic writer one said in a fic of theirs, "Sex may satisfy, food adds fuel, smiles may sustain but without coffee the world was damned."

Beep. Wasn't I clear? *sweats*

Basically Alex caught Alan digging through his desk for stuff that might benefit the Union (not certain if he actually knows that, though...), and shut his robot hand in the drawer, where it got stuck. With SEXY RESULTS, HAW HAW

*ahem* Things resume as normal. Though I'm sure a lack of caffeine may very well have something to do with it. *laughs*

I could see Alex/Alan. I'm a horrible person.

quote:

Originally posted by Xel I could see Alex/Alan. I'm a horrible person.

And thus the paradigm-city.com forums claim the sanity of yet another member.

I have never laughed this much. This is by far the funniest pile of crap I've ever had the privilege of reading. Y'all are a bunch of perverts.

quote:

Originally posted by phreekdragon I have never laughed this much. This is by far the funniest pile of crap I've ever had the privilege of reading. Y'all are a bunch of perverts.

Thank you, it was nice of you to notice

Here's my sick and twisted contribution to this sick and twisted thread (it's my first one, so I don't know if it's all that good...and if it is good then I'll be a little scared.)

*Dorothy and Roger are seated on the bed in Dorothy’s room. The usually stoic android manages a look of great distress and anxiety.*

Roger: Okay, Dorothy, here we go…
Dorothy: Roger…I’ve never done this before.
Roger: Just relax and you’ll be fine.
Dorothy: I’m nervous, Roger. Why don’t you take control? I think I’ll break it if I hold it.
Roger: No, it’s hard enough that it shouldn’t break. Here, I’ll slide it in. I have really good aim. I’ve done this plenty of times for Norman, even though he usually takes responsibility for me. I like to think I give him a break.
Dorothy: Roger?
Roger: *smiling* Yes, Dorothy?
Dorothy: It looks a little short…are you sure you don’t have a longer one?
Roger: I only have one, it’s all I’ve ever needed. Besides, the important part is the tip. *After much hesitation* I don’t know what you’re so nervous about. I wasn’t this nervous my first time.
Dorothy: It’s different for me. Oh! Ohhhh! You’re sliding it in!
Roger: I didn’t want to have to wait.
Dorothy: You men are so…impatient…are you going to tear it?
Roger: I don’t have a choice! Mmm…it went through. Now it’s looser for next time.
Dorothy: You’re the best, Roger.
Roger: It only gets better from here.

*Later that night, outside Roger’s house, on the patio…*

Dorothy: Thank you for showing me Roger. Maybe next time I’ll be able to do it myself.
Roger: There’s my independent little Dorothy. *hesitating* I still don’t get what you were so nervous about. I mean, you have plenty of black dresses.
Dorothy: I didn’t want it damaged.
Roger: Well, You have to damage a dress a little when you’re sewing in a button.

Then be very scared my friend, be very scared.
All that over a button?! I guess the human Dorothy never learned to sew.

i havent noticed this thread before, wow, it's two heaping helpings of crap, yous alls a bunch of hentai. and hear's my forth wit!

Norman walks by Rog's room door.
Rog: oh, dorothy it's soo hot.
Dorothy:i thought you would like it, that's why i got it.
Rog: you dident have one before?
Dorothy: no not till today
Rog:i have something like it, but it's kinda big.
Dorothy:o i can see that.
Rog:ohh wow, that's good.
Dorothy:i'm just gluad you reely like it.
Noraman yells through the door:I dont think it's approprate for you two to be doing that before marrage!
Rog:This is the best tea i've ever had!
Dorothy:with my new teapot, it's easy to make!
Rog and Dorothy:what were you thinking you Hentai!

That's some funny stuff, guys. Here is one for you:

------------------

Roger could see the nervous look in Dorothy’s eyes, but he continued relentlessly. He thought how great it was for her experience such an enjoyable act of passion. Without hesitation, he moved his hand closer to hers. With a gleam in his eyes, he said, “You see Dorothy, there is nothing to be afraid of.”

With an uncharacteristic lively tone, she replied, “Roger, I never thought you were able to do this.”

Roger smirked, yet lost in the sea of ecstasy. “You don’t know a lot about me, and that’s the problem. For years I denied myself of this. Years of deprivation of my true passions has laid me down to waste. I am tired of hiding my true feelings, Dorothy.”

“This feels so good, Roger,” Dorothy replied with a faint smile on her face. “I don’t want it to end.”

“You think this feels good now, wait until I pop it in,” Roger said proudly, his sweat glistened off his brow.

“I have never seen your hands do this before,” Dorothy became excited. “You know, Norman would be very jealous if he saw you doing this with me.”

“What?” Roger became alarmed. “You did it with Norman? I thought we….”

“Roger, don’t be ridicules,” Dorothy said in her typical monotone. “He and I do it all the time.”

Roger felt dejected. “I thought I was your first.”

Dorothy stared silently at the saddened Negotiator. “Roger, I am sorry that I ruined your special moment. I didn’t want to tell you because you seemed so happy when you thought I never did it before. I just wanted to see how you do it.”

Roger became angry. “OK! Who else have you done it with?”

“Well, there is Norman, Dastun, Beck and my father,” she said without hesitation.

“Beck? How can you do it with him? As for your father….”

“Roger Smith, I do believe you are jealous,” Dorothy teased him. “I did it with Beck only once, during my captivity. It was nothing. I thought it would please him and he would set me free.” Dorothy seemed to have noticed the sour look on Roger’s face. “As for my father, he missed the original Dorothy so much, I felt compelled to do it for him.”

Roger shook his head and stormed off. As he was about to walk through the door, he shouted, “If you are such an expert at this, you do it yourself!”

Dorothy stared at the door for a moment, seemingly hoping that he would return. She then shook her head and said to herself, “Men! I didn’t know making a four layered chocolate cake was such an intimate activity.”

LOL, tvperez, that was hilarious!

Ahem...anyway, for this next one the theme is not Big O, but rather Inuyasha...I'm too tired to think about other Big O ones for now...

Kagome: Can I touch it?
Inuyasha: I don't know...I mean, you're only fifteen. Isn't that against the law in your time or something?
Kagome: Actually I've touched it before when you were asleep.
Inuyasha: Really? Didn't know I was that deep a sleeper...well alright, but be careful.
Kagome: *touching it* Wow, it's all hard...and it looks like it's gotten bigger!
Inuyasha: Yeah, it gets that way when I'm excited.
Kagome: Eww...it's kinda wet and sticky.
Inuyasha: You can expect it to be after a hard day's work.
Kagome: How do you use it?
Inuyasha: Well, some people think the key is in the thrust, but I've learned with experience that this thing can work wonders if you aim it right. Kyrara helped me learn that when I practiced on her.
Kagome: Like it can kill a hundred demons?
Inuyasha: Yeah, I'm glad I mastered the wind scar.

This may make little to no sense for those who haven't watched Inuyasha. Kyrara is a cat sort of creature on which Inuyasha mastered the technique of the wind scar, which can kill a lot of stuff. Kagome was touching his sword, the Tetsusaiga, which gets big when he gets excited (kind of already suggestive).

This wasn't originally a double post...someone removed their message.

meh...its time for the dogs lame-o attempt





Roger-Dorothy, i hate to say this but...you have one HAIRY pussy

Dorothy-What? how can you say such a thing?

Roger-Well it is, and it smells like fish too

Dorothy-But i thought such things were natural

Roger-Not like this, i think you should wash it and shave it, right now!

*Dorothy holds Pero against her cheek*

Dorothy-Pero cant help it if he's shedding his fur and im feeding him tuna

Roger- that woman and her cat...


* CR runs away*