[Fan Fiction] Cheap Innuendoes and Jokes (Mature Content may not be suitable for persons under 16 years of age.)

lol, those are really good.......... Disturbing and deranged, nice work

All kidding aside, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks about these things

DOROTHY: That's too tight.

ROGER: Well, try some lubrication.

DOROTHY: That's never six inches, anyway.

ROGER: Yes it is, and it's just the right length. Eight inches is awkward when you sit down. You always have to readjust the damned thing. Dastun has one that's only two and a half inches, and he can't even aim it.

DOROTHY: How's that?

ROGER: Much better.

DOROTHY: Roger, I can't believe how dirty all this is!

ROGER: Well, you shoot a hundred rounds through a pistol, and you're gonna have a foul bore. Run half a dozen more cleaning patches through it, and it'll be fine.

What a louse! Around here, the saying is, "You shoot it, you clean it."

Pygmalion

quote:

Originally posted by Pygmalion What a louse! Around here, the saying is, "You shoot it, you clean it." Pygmalion

Are we talking about guns or .... ?

A Clockwork Tomato and Pygmalion, you are both crazy. Besides, I don't think that Roger's is eight inches. Unless it is a .44 Magnum.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

quote:

Originally posted by tvperez A Clockwork Tomato and Pygmalion, you are both crazy. Besides, I don't think that Roger's is eight inches. Unless it is a .44 Magnum. Sorry, couldn't resist.

...you forgot the Desert Eagle (.50 caliber).

By the way, that's Norman's.

This thread never fails to bring a grin to my face.

All hail cheap innuendos!

Roger:*nervously* Dorothy, I'm not sure I want you to do this

Dorothy: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. I don't think we should wait.

Roger: I'm afraid it's going to hurt.

Dorothy: I think you can handle it, Mr. Negotiator. Now lie back on the bed.

Roger: Do I have to?

Dorothy: It will make it a lot easier. That's it, just relax. Close your eyes.

Roger: *Suddenly gasps* Careful!

Dorothy: Stop squirming around. I'm being as gentle as I can.

Roger: Aaaah!

Dorothy: See, that's not so bad.

Roger: You're squeezing too hard!

Dorothy: Don't fight me, Roger, I'm a lot stronger than you are. Now hold still and let me finish!

Roger: Aaaaah! Don't! Stop!

Dorothy: Almost there, just a little bit more.

Roger: *gasping for breath* Please! Dorothy! Don't! Stop! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Dorothy: Finally!

Roger: *sighs* ohh... I feel so much better now

Dorothy: I said you would. That was a nasty splinter. How did you manage to get it that deep into your heel, anyway?

You see Zola, you have a dirtier mind than I.

I loved it.

And yet another example of why Tvperez and Zola should not be allowed to speak on AIM without close supervision:


Dorothy: ah.. ah
Roger: That's it, faster. ah... ah
Dorothy: ah.. ah...
Roger: With more feeling, Dorothy! You act like you're dead.
Dorothy: Roger, I am doing exactly what you are asking me to.
Roger: Come on, a bit more...
Dorothy: ah.. ah... ssshhhh
Roger: That's right. That's right.
Dorothy: ah.. ah... choo!

Zola and Typerez, you guys are sick. In the best possible way, of course.



Why eating breakfast and reading this thread at the same time is a BAD IDEA:

Dorothy: My, Norman, that looks much larger than last time.
Norman: Yes, it's eight inches instead of the usual five.
Dorothy: It looks a bit firmer as well.
Norman: And juicier.
Dorothy: How much larger will it get? I don't know if Roger will be able to finish the whole thing.
Norman: Not much more. It should be.. almost... done! You may take it to Master Roger now.
Dorothy: (moving into the dining room) Roger, your breakfast sausage is ready!

Tifaria, you call us sick. You are wicked too.

Don't change. I love it.

---
Dorothy: Roger, why are you sweating so much?
Roger: Dorothy, I can’t keep this up forever.
Dorothy: You have no stamina, Mr. Negotiator.
Roger: Humans can do it for only an hour or two.
Dorothy: Would you like me to be on top?
Roger: No, I am fine. Really!
Dorothy: Well, I can take over if you are tired.
Roger: No, Dorothy. I like being in charge.
Dorothy: That is apparent. However, the fact still remains that you are too tired to continue.
Roger: Fine then. Let me get off. Do you need the step ladder?
Dorothy: Yes, thank you. So, do you have a particular way you would like me to organize Big O’s components on the upper shelves?

Ashleigh is at the rehab with roger

roger:do you want it rough or do you want it soft?
ashleigh:rough please!
roger:ok, here goes!!
ashleigh:ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!! ohhhhhhhhhhh!! yeeeeeeeessss!!!!!!!
yes that's better ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
*dorothy hears what's going on*
dorothy: grrrrrrrrrrrr NOT AGAIN!!!!!! *kicks down door*
dorothy:alright this better not be what i think it is!!!!!!!!
ashleigh: DOROTHY!!! i'm on a body massage duh!
dorothy: when am I gonna stop falling for these type of things? *sigh*

Angel: I'm glad you invited me on this picnic, Dorothy. I got the impresion that you didn't trust me around Roger.

Dorothy: I don't - it's just easier to keep an eye on you this way.

Roger: There's no need to be paranoid, Dorothy.

Angel: That's right - I'm not trying to get Roger, I just want a nice lunch. (Picks up a hot dog bun) Say, Roger, would you mind slipping some meat into my bun?

Dorothy: Angel!

Angel (looking innocent): What? I just asked for a hot dog.

Dorothy (looking skeptical): I suppose.

Angel (nibbling): This is a bit dry. Roger, would you mind buttering my muffin?

Dorothy: Grrrr ...

Angel: What? He's closest to the butter.

Roger: Dorothy, what is with you today? Remember, you invited her.

Angel: And I do appreciate it. Say I know this great game we could play. (picks up a platter of hot dogs) It's called 'Hide the Sausage' -

Dorothy: ARRRGH!

[WHAM! POW! THUD! FOLD! SPINDLE! MUTILATE!]

Roger (cowering): Dorothy is scary ...

That's so wrong... but funny

Prince-Consort Tesser, that was wrong on so many levels.

That was... That was... Awesome.

Dorothy: It’s rising!
Norman: Yes, it is.
Dorothy: It’s rising!
Norman: I know that.
Dorothy: It’s rising!
Norman: Dorothy, it doesn’t help looking at it like that.
Dorothy: It looks so good.
Norman: If you think it looks good, wait until you put it in your mouth.
Dorothy: I don’t know if it is from a memory, but my mouth is beginning to water.
Norman: Well, you will have to wait a little longer, it’s not ready yet.
Dorothy: You mean it’s not done yet. How much more will it rise?
Norman: Not much more. But, it still needs to firm a little.
Dorothy: What’s that in your hands?
Norman: Nuts, of course. You want hold them?
Dorothy: I would, but I don't want to break them. What’s that white stuff?
Norman: That’s a secret. Want a taste?
Dorothy: Nah, I will wait until it's ready. I don’t know why, but I am really excited.
Norman: Of course, who can resist my world famous White Chocolate Cake?

That was also sooooooo wrong, but very, very amusing^^

These things are so great but I can not for the life of me think up one myself. Oh well, it's probably better that you 'pros' stick to this. These are great! I love them.

Roger: Dorothy, what are you doing?
Dorothy: I'm getting these ready for Norman.
Roger: Only for Norman?
Dorothy: Well, they're actually for you, Roger.
Roger: I want to try.
Dorothy: Are you sure you can do this? I have never seen your technique.
Roger: I'm had a bit of experience, give me some credit.
Dorothy: Good, then here's one.
Roger: Thank-you ... wow, so velvety soft. I expected it to be firmer for some reason.
Dorothy: Because I am an android?
Roger: Well, yeah. I found kneading them this way works better.
Dorothy: Ooh, you do have a nice technique, but you must be gentle with them.
Roger: I know what I'm doing, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Your hands are quite large, one fits right in your hand.
Roger: Comfortably, I must say. Can I have a taste?
Dorothy: When they're ready, not before.
Roger: Not even a lick?
Dorothy: Roger, you are a sick man to want to eat raw bread dough.