[Fan Fiction] The Big O Blooper Special!(Rated TV/PG-14/M)

quote:

(Sorry. Credit for 'I'm a flying Megadeus' goes to someone else on these boards, and I forgot who. I never made it up, I don't claim credit.)

*smirk* its a conspericy!

-----In the scene with yot fau----

::the toy fau is scene walking across the table::

Alex: hehe... roger smith...
Roger(looking board) yeah?
Alex: Where do you get you power scorce from... i know you have it...
Roger: What are you talking about?
Alex: Your memories roger smith...
Roger: memories?
Alex: memories...
ROger: Power scorce?
Alex: power scorce...
Roger: I have no idea what you are talking about...
Alex: grr.... come roger...*smirk* you can tell your old chum...
Roger: old chum?
Alex: hmm? What did i say?
ROger: nevermind... no uhhh... whats this?
Alex: there 5.99.... im going to try to beat off the pokmon fanchise with this...
Roger: what about the power scorce?
Alex: Where is it?
Roger: What? I dont have any money... i dont want a battleing big fau... but here... they take D? Here ya go...*puts batteries on table*
::big fau shakes and falls in sour creme::
Directer: hu... i dont know where you got your script... but i like the big fau falling... we were gonna kill roger off but uhh...i kinda like this better... do it again...

*rosewater has that dazed face look and just slames the fau controler on the table*

Act 21, The Third Big.

*Big Fau comes up from the ground, but the arch doesn't open, and he bashes his head into it*
Alex: Owwww!!!!
*Alex takes his mask off*
Director: Ok, ok, cut, cut. Larry, what the hell happened to the arch?

Take 3
*Big Fau rises up from the ground...and trips, lands on its face wavings its feet in the air*
Alex: GET ME OUTTA THIS SUIT! I CANT GET UP!!
*A bunch of Teamsters help Big Fau get up, he takes off his mask and his face is all red*
Director: What's the matter, Alex?
Alex: Well...when we were setting up the shot...I decided to have a few shots of Jager.
Roger: (offstage) That's supossed to happen NEXT week, remember?
Director:

(First Episode of Season 2:Roger and Dorothy are inside the Big O,waiting to engage the foreign megadues' in a gigantic battle.)

Roger firmly grips the control stick.

Roger:Some people choose to walk in the rain without an umbrella.

Big O flexes it arms and stares proudly at the enemy.Suddenly,a stage light the size of a Tropical Watermelon slams down on Big O's back,knocking it onto the ground.

Director:Cut!Hey,guys,can we fix that light?Who let it break,anyhow?

Dastun:Dammit!My agent said this gig would put me on the map!How is that gonna happen when we keep having setbacks?!!!!

Director:I know,I know.Just calm down.We'll get the light fixed and have the scene shot in an hour.

Dastun:Well,fine!I'll be in my dressing room!And if a girl named "Ginger" shows up,tell her I'm in here!!!!!

Dorothy:Um,Mr. director,when do I get to have my close-up?I can't keep a straight face when the characters start talking about "erecting a megadues".

Director:Right..........we'll look into that,Dorothy.

(to himself)Sheesh,when they told me to look in the modeling business if I wanted an emotionless android,I thought it was just a joke.And most people think she's just a good actress.sh**,she doesn't even know this is on TV!

Stage Hand:Um,sir,Roger seems to have passed out.

Drector:Well,wake his a** up!We got to get this shoot wrapped up quick!

Stage Hand:Actually,sir,he's..........dead.

Director:WHAT!!??Now what am I gonna do!!????

(2 hours later)

Coroner:Yep,he's dead.And no wonder,too.

(Coroner cuts open Roger's abdomen)

There's something lodged in here!

(in a giant cloud of blood and micellaneous body parts,a small green demon jumps from Roger's chest and laughs defiantly)

Dorothy:WHAT THE f***!!??

Demon:Ha ha!My name is Frank!I've been feasting on the organs of this fleshbucket for the past 2 years!Now I know how fond of this planet you all are,but it is now mine!

Director:Hey,you're gonna have to wait!We're making a TV show here!And why do you want to take over the Earth!?

Frank:I am the soul of Carrot Top and Gilbert Gottfried merged into one.Except this is my demon form.Perhaps you were wondering why I'm so annoying!Anyhow,this planet has mocked both of my souls for the last time!I'm going to dig to the center of the Earth and drink up all the Orange Juice in the center!See how you like me then!

Dorothy:sounds like fun!

Director:But there's no juice in the center of the Earth.

Frank:There isn't?Then why is it all orange looking in all of your Earth-made Sciece books?

Stage Hand:That's molten lava,man.There's no orange juice down there.

Frank:What!!??No juice!?How about Barbeque sauce?That is equally pleasing to my taste recepticals.

Director:None of that either.It's just lava.You'd burn up before you even began to reach the center.But by all means,don't let us stop you.

Frank:Nah........I guess I won't destroy the Earth,then.

(kicks dust)

I could always give you the gifts I made just in case there wan't any juice in the Earth.

Dorothy:Yay!!!!!Gifts

Frank:Ok.......for the girl with the inferior I.Q.,I have a doll made from mixed parts of: shredded beef, yak hair, spider's webs, human skin, and cat f****.

Dorothy:Oh,how pretty!

Frank:For the nameless stage hand, I have this nifty sweater I was planning on wearing myself.But you can have it.

Stage Hand:All right!But....wait......why does it say "New Kids On The Block" on the front?And it says "Jordan's Number one fan" on the back!

Frank:No it doesn't......that's all in your head......sheesh.....anyways,finally,I have this Arkinian Army Knife for the Director.

(hands knife to director)

Director:Arkinian?What's that?

Frank:A word I made up.Copyright laws are a b****.Anyways,instead of having a knife or scissors or anything else you don't need,I put some objects of my choice in there.

(director opens knife)

Director:But there's just a stick of beef-jerky and a match in here.

Frank:Your point?

Director:Um........what happens when you use the match and eat the beef jerky?

Frank:Um......you.....um....I don't know!It's in an early stage of development,ok!?

Stage Hand:Well,we all have our gifts.Now what?

(hot girl walks up)

Girl:Hi,I'm Ginger.Someone here ordered a S***-O-Gram.

Director:What?Is that..........Angel,you're not supposed to be on the set until tomorrow.

Angel:WHAT!?I'm not....Angel.......I'm......oh crap.Anyways,is Dastun in his dressing room?

Dorothy:He sure is.

Director:What she does in her time off is none of my concern.

Frank:Angel!?

Angel:Frank!!??

Dorothy:You've met before?

Frank:Oh,it's a small world when you can bend like a pretzel,sweetie.

Angel:Don't listen to anything he says!He's full of sh**!My work is classy!

Director:Right....we'll we're off schedule enough as it is.........anyone want to play Roger?

Frank:Well,I have been told that I look fantastic in a black suit.

Director:It's settled then.

(And shooting went off without another interruption.But the viewers of Big O always wondered what was different about Roger in season 2.Yet,they could never put their fingers on it.)

******************************************************

A product of my bordom.Retarded,I know. Not the funniest thing I've ever written,either.

Edit: Watch the language, please~Pen1300

The Greatest Villian-

Dorothy: I understand perfectly. You have kidnapped the man i work for. The man I love

Roger: R DOROTHY WANYEWRIGHT! That was supposed to be our little secret...

Dororthy: I can't deny it. *comes to the little glass thing* I love you Roger Smith *breaks glass* Honeykins did the mean 50's reject hurt my little Roger-kins.

Beck: HONEYKINS. Dorothy baby, you mever called me honeykins and I built you.

Roger: No you didn't.

Beck: Well I thought about it. I will now take your little andriod by force. *turns on magnet*

Dorothy: *floats up* AHHH! Roger honey get me down from here. Someone going to look up my skirt. Roger what are you waiting for. GET ME DOWN!!!!

Roger: Just enjoying the view

Dorothy: Fine then, you won't get 'dinner' tonight.

Roger: No 'dinner'. Beck let her go. NOW!

Beck: What if I don't. What if I don't blacky?

Roger: Did... did you just call me blacky? Nevermind, I challenge you.

Beck: OHHH, goodie I get to show you my little oriental mystery. Oh MYYSSTERYYYY!! *jumps in big well... big something*

Dorothy: Is that a...

Roger: Look away Dorothy my love. It's too sick.

Beck: What can't a man build a megadeaus shaped like his...

Roger: Spare us Beck

Beck: What wrong with my...

Dorothy: DO you really want to finish that questions?

Beck: Yeah I do, what wrong with my pet poodle FiFi? She's the love of my sad misreable worthless life.

Roger: ain't it the truth?

Roger: Well lets get this over with. *goes up and taps with pinky and watch it go down with a big boom* Dorothy love lets go beat the hell out of Angel.

Dorothy: Of course my little Poki-Poo.

Roger: Anything for my Little Baby Doll

Dorothy: Your just saying that my little chocolate covered cherry.

Roger: No I'm not my perfect Angel.

Dorothy: ANGEL!! I knew it, you never loved me. You're with that slut Angel. I hate you, you ...you louse.

Roger: But Dora-honey, she means nothing to me!!!!

Narrorator: They went on and on like this until Beck rose from his poodel shaped megadeaus and switched to his other megadeaus and the epsode went on as planned.

(Back to hosts.)

(Dorothy gets up into camera view, her hair is messed up and her top is buttoned wrong. She nonchalantly brushes her hair back into place.)

Dorothy: Here's something for the Angel-Roger contigient, who seem to think he's interested in that leggy blonde who can't spell.

(Roger's hand rises up and grabs the opening of her shirt, dragging her back down on the floor. She squeals.)

* * *

act 20: Stripes - beach scene

(Roger and Angel are standing on beach, doing their scene. She slips her hand into his.)

Angel: Think this will change our relationship?
Roger (lifting her hand up and turning to look at her): It already has.

(Roger pulls Angel close, both staring soulfully into the other's eyes, their lips coming closer together.)

Roger (grins and whispers): Glowstick.

(Both break into laughter.)

Director: CUT! Smith - you ruined the scene!
Roger: Sorry! My bad!

(Major Panic suddenly walks out into the scene.)

Major Panic: Here, Mr. Director, have a glowstick that I pissed on.

(Director starts tearing his hair out and orders Jerry Springer's security to escort the young man off stage.)

Director: Okay, back to the scene people! Action!

Angel (slipping hand back in Roger's hand): Think this will change our relationship?
Roger (lifting up her hand and turning to her): It already has.

(Roger pulls Angel close, both staring soulfully into the other's eyes, their lips coming closer together. Roger is suddenly attacked from behind with a giant anime mallet right on his head.)

Dorothy (holding mallet on his head): Roger-no-baka! Norman and I have a nice dinner ready for you and you're cavorting around town with some blonde floozy!
Angel (offended): Hey ...

(Roger gets up, mallet still on his head.)

Roger: Help ...

(Fallen Phoenix comes out and hands him a book.)

Fallen Phoenix: Here, a copy of the Paradigm City Survival Guide. I'll just charge your account the $120.99 it's worth, plus an 8.99 special hand-delivery fee. Oh, and Evan wants to know if you're not Lupin III or a Rosewater.
Roger (moaning): I hate everything ...

WHOO!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
hilarious dorothy was being a pervert by recording roger being naked.
CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- BLACK AVENGER25

Near The end of Episode 23...

(Roger & Dorothy are inside Big O...Roger puts the flower in Dorothy's hair..)
"Roger, I have a message for you.."

"Cut..That's a wrap, see ya all next week..)
(Roger pulls down the door on Big O..)

"Dorothy, where are you going?" (he pulls Dorothy on his lap)
"Roger! Aren't we going to leave like everyone else??"
(He kisses her)
"Not yet..I finally got you alone in that outfit..We can leave later"
(Roger smirks.)
(Dorothy kisses him back and gets up to leave)
"Hey..Why are you getting up?"
"Roger, I told Angel, Beck and Norman that we would meet them at the Nightengale club for drinks.."
(she opens the door and..)
"I got all that on film.."
(Roger gets up.."
"What the @$*%?? I thought you all left for the night!.."
(The camera men laugh as Schwarzwald walks over)
"C'mon you two..Norman said that you two would be up to no good..Although it was my idea to film you..The truth shall be known..)
"Schwarzwald!!"
"What? The director told me that if I could get you two on film, I could get a few more cameo appearances"

We see the top of the stools that the hosts sat on.
Dorothy: (from floor) You just love my piano playing right?
Roger: (From floor)Sure.
Dorothy: You know that reminds me of this one clip. A really short clip.
Roger: What clip?
Dorothy's hand rises up: ROLL IT!
----------------------------
*Dorothy begins to play Rundown to wake up Roger.*
Roger: (kicks open door). R. DORO-
*Door hits wall, but Roger's force sends it flying back from the wall and into Roger's face and front.*
Roger: *Yelps from behind door* [Censor]
Dorothy: *stops playing* Oh my gosh, Roger-baby are you ok?
*Roger pushs the door, revealing him with a bloody nose.*
Roger: (nasal voice and holding nose) I think I broke my nose.
Director: (laughing) CUT!

Act 2: backstage at the Nightingale

(Beck comes up to Roger.)

Beck: Hey, wuz up, homeboy??
Roger: Wuz up? Who do you think you are - Martin Lawrence or Will Smith?
Beck: I'm playing a stereotype here, honkey.
Roger (rolls eyes): You've got to be kidding me.
Beck: I'm really a big black man trapped in a little white boy's body.
Roger: do you have any idea how sick that sounds, Beck?
Beck: Wait a minute, I feel a song coming on -
(sings Gloria Gayner's 'I Will Survive' completely off-key)
So you're back
from outer space
I come here to find that look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your keys -
Roger: Beck -
Beck: If I knew for just one second -
Roger: BECK!!
Beck: You'd be back to bother me - OW!

(Roger backhands Beck into a wall.)

Roger: Gawd, do you have to remind me of that stupid MIB2 commercial I did?

* * *

some scene with Dorothy playing the piano

(Roger sneaks up behind Dorothy, holding a pair of cymbols. When it gets to a crucial part, he slams the cymbols on the sides of her head. He drops them and runs like hell, laughing. Dorothy gets up to chase him.)

Dorothy: ROGER SMITH, YOU SMEGHEADED GIMBOID GOIT!
Roger: IT WAS WORTH IT! REVENGE WAS MINE! BWAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

Some scene of the Speakeasy:

(Everyone is obviously relaxing from between takes. Roger approaches one of the female extras.)

Roger: Hi, I'm a negotiator, and I'd like to know if I have a chance of negotiating my way under your -

(Extra hits him. He spins and lands in his chair next to Big Ear, who is reading the paper and smoking.)

Big Ear: I take it negotiations broke down?

quote:

Originally posted by dawnstrider "The Third Big, take 1,"Big Fau entrance" Director: Okay! Places, everyone! We ready? Where's Alex? Alex (sitting with Alan, drinking a cup of coffee): Right here, but I don't think I agree with this lighting....could we get a few more? I don't want anything wrong with my megadeus' first grand entrance! Director: Ah, sure, if that's what you want Roger (off to the side, watching with Angel and Dorothy): Oh god....this primadonna's gonna take all night - I can feel it. Alex (glares at Roger, then turns to director): And what's he doing here? Roger: I work here, why else? Director: Alex, pal, he's the star; he present at every shot. The lights are being moved as you asked - want to get into place? Alex: Sure (gets up, with Alan close behind. Walks towards set, passing Roger on the way) At least someone cares about how important this scene will be. Roger: Stop being so full of yourself. (smirks) Just get in the Grouper and be done with it. (silence descends on the set. Everyone knew what was instigated and waited for the inevitable) Alex (turning to Roger, very angry): What did you just say!?! Alan (placing hand on Alex's shoulder): Just let it go, man. You know he's trying to- Alex: No! (walks up to Roger): Now, I know you're not dissing my Fau! Roger: (still smirking) So what if I am? What are you going to do about it, fish-boy? (Angel and Dorothy instantly step back) Director: Hey! Time is money! We don't have- Alex: (ignoring director): How about smacking those arrow-headed fake eyebrows off your head? Roger: I'd like to see you try, but you'd better hurry; Big Grouper is waiting underground, and you know how fish start to smell after awhile; I'm starting to smell it right now (leans close to le and sniffs) Oh wait - nevermind..... Alex(his mind collapses in a sea of rage and his retorts revert to that equivalent to a twelve-year-old's) It's Big Fau!! Roger:Grouper. Alex: FAU!!!! Roger: Grouper. Alex: Grouper!! (waits for Roger to slip; sees him smiling insted)............. (Roger still smiling) Alex: Well, I can kick your butt!! Roger: Bring it on, fish lips! (a fight ensues. Alex swings; Roger barely ducks, throwing Alex off balance. Roger than tries to judo flip. but - without a choreographer - fails miserably. Tha non-fight continues without either side really...doing anything. Everyone on set is laughing. It's quite sad.....) Dorothy: ....How men amuse themselves. Angel: I agree. Want to et a cup of coffee? Dorothy (sighing) Alright.(thay exit) Director: (head cradled in right hand, turns to camera man) Hey, you getting.... Camera man: You know I am....but it's not really worth it. Director: Like watching two game cocks trying to fight with their legs tied....

THIS IS THE BEST STUFF I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!
I LOVE Bloopers, and especially this one - BIG GROUPER!!!!
FINALLY someone who has turned that name into something extremely FUNNY!!!!!

I LOVE IT!!!

Roger is busy standing in front of the dryer, waiting for his clothes to finally be dried.

Roger: Dammit…this takes way too long, how can Norman stand it?

*BING*

Roger: Finally, now I can get some freshly cleaned suits.

Roger opens the dryer but all that he can see in there are one of Dorothy’s dresses and some of her underwear, his suits are nowhere to be seen.

Roger: Where the Hell are all of my suits going? This is the fifth batch this week! The only other suit I have is the one I’m wearing. Norman!

But there is no response from Roger’s trusty butler. Roger suddenly remembers that he gave Norman the day off.

Roger: Dammit! Why did I have to give him the day off today? It’ll be hours before he comes back from hunting with that new heavy machinegun of his… I guess that I’ll just have to find out what the hell is happening to my clothes myself…

Fade in title: Act 18 ½: The Roger Suit Project…

Static, suddenly the screen turns black and then the view fades in. Roger is holding a handheld camera so that it is viewing his face.

Roger: Welcome to act 18 ½, The Roger Suit Project. Come with me as I try to discover where the hell all of my suits are going when they get put in the dryer…

Roger brings the camera around so that he is holding it forward and the camera sees what he does. Roger walks into the utility room. He walks over to the dryer and sticks the camera inside.

Roger: This morning I put two of my suits, one of Dorothy’s dresses, and three pairs of her underwear into the dryer. When I opened it twenty minutes ago my suits were gone completely, yet mysteriously nothing of Dorothy’s has been touched? This has happened four times before, and now the only suit that I have is the one that I am wearing right now. I want to find my suits soon so that I can change, this one is beginning to smell a little.

Roger removes the camera from the dryer. He turns it around so that he is speaking directly into it once again.

Roger: What is happening? Why is it that only my suits disappear? Could there be some paranormal phenomena taking place? Or could there be another explanation? Aliens? The government? The CIA? Terrorists? Paradigm? It could be any of these. I left this room for only two minutes in order to see out a close friend, Angel. Could something have happened in that small increment of time? I don’t know, but I do know one thing for absolute certainty…I will find out what the hell is happening to my suits!

Roger sets the camera down onto the floor so that it can see him and the dryer

Roger: The first thing that I’m going to try is to look inside the dryer, maybe there is a clue in there…

Roger sticks himself headfirst into the dryer and begins to rummage around through it. He pulls most of his upper body into the dryer and finally extracts himself after five minutes of searching. A pair of Dorothy’s panties are on his head.

Roger: Apparently there is nothing special about my dryer, now I’m going to go look for the only other person in my house at the time of this set of suits’ disappearances…R. Dorothy Wayneright!

Roger pulls Dorothy’s panties off of his head and shoves them back into the dryer before irritably slamming the door shut. Roger walks over to the camera, he picks it up and turns it off.

The screen fades in again. Roger is holding the camera from an objective view once more. He is in the kitchen.

Roger: This is the kitchen, the last place that I knew where Dorothy was. Dorothy? Dorothy?

Roger begins to search around through the kitchen. He looks into the large pantry, the walk-in-freezer, and the closet. No Dorothy anywhere.

Roger: Damn…where could she have gone off to?

Suddenly a small rustling from a few pots and pans being knocked over is heard. Roger turns the camera down to the source of the sound, a floor cubbard. Roger’s hand slowly, tentatively reaches out to the door and opens it…

Dorothy: Oh Roger…you kiss so nicely…

In the cubbard is Dorothy. She is holding a broom that is dressed up in one of Roger’s missing suits. The broom even looks somewhat like Roger, the bristles have been swept to looks like the Negotiator’s hair and it even has a pair of sunglasses. Dorothy is in the middle of kissing the broom, apparently pretending that it is Roger.

Dorothy: Aren’t you glad that you finally realized all of my hints…

She continues to kiss the broom. Roger zooms in on Dorothy, who is apparently absorbed entirely in her own little fantasy world. Roger turns the camera around so that it can see him.

Roger: So that’s what’s been happening to all of my suits. It seems Dorothy has been dressing up brooms like me and is practicing making out with them in secret…

Dorothy: Come Roger, more…more…

Roger turns the camera around to look at Dorothy again. She is still absorbed in her imaginary Roger.

Roger: Busted! (to the old jingle of this…) Smile, you’re on candid camera!

Dorothy freezes on the broom mid-kiss. She slowly turns her head around and looks into the camera. Roger can be heard laughing. Dorothy narrows her eyes and quickly swings her right fist at the camera. It goes flying and the view changes to the floor on the right side. The camera can still see Dorothy, and Roger has been added to the picture.

Roger: I caught you Dorothy! Now give me back my suits you broom-kisser!

Dorothy pulls herself out of the cubbard with her eyes are narrowed angrily. Roger flings up his hands and shouts a resounding “Woo-hoo!” He runs and scoops up the camera as Dorothy begins to chase after him.

Dorothy: Come back her, Roger Smith!

Roger: You’ll never catch me!

Suddenly the camera goes flying and lands on the floor. It can be seen that Roger has tripped. Dorothy stops next to him and places one foot on his chest. As Roger tires to get up she forces him down on the ground again with the foot. She removes her foot and kneels down beside Roger, placing both of her arms around him.

Roger: What sort of sick android torture are you going to put me through?

Dorothy just smiles mischievously and lowers her face so close to Roger’s that their noses brush.

Dorothy: Not torture…something far more entertaining. I’ve gotten lots of practice on those brooms, but there are still a few things new to me…

Dorothy begins to kiss Roger. They begin making out for about six minutes until Roger finally has to stop to gather his breath.

Roger: Might I suggest that we continue this in a more private area?

Dorothy smiles and pulls herself off of Roger and up to standing position.

Dorothy: Lead the way, you’ve negotiated your release from this situation…

Roger smiles and stands up. He takes Dorothy’s hand in his and they walk down the hallway, stepping over the camera and out of view.

Roger: I hope that Norman is busy for a long time, I know we will…

quote:

Originally posted by The Big Omega Dorothy: Lead the way, you’ve negotiated your release from this situation…

*Zola applauds, still giggling at the idea of a broom-Roger*

quote:

Originally posted by Zola *Zola applauds, still giggling at the idea of a broom-Roger*

I have to admit that I wasn't the person to originally think of the broom-Roger. Someone posted a cute pic of dorothy with a broom-Roger in the Big O funny pictures thread. I can't remember where though and I'm too lazy to find it.

quote:

Originally posted by The Big Omega quote: Originally posted by Zola *Zola applauds, still giggling at the idea of a broom-Roger* I have to admit that I wasn't the person to originally think of the broom-Roger. Someone posted a cute pic of dorothy with a broom-Roger in the Big O funny pictures thread. I can't remember where though and I'm too lazy to find it.

Oh man I laughed SO hard, thank you so much for writing that Omega.
I'm glad my picture inspired such hilarity.

For anyone who wants to see it the picture is on page 16 of the Big O funny pictures thread.

http://www.paradigm-city.com/forums/thre...70&page=16&sid=

Big Omega, I bow to genius. *bows*

Damn, that's a hard act to follow.

* * *

(Cut back to hosts. Roger and Dorothy are now back up on the directors' chairs, clothes and hair mussed [can hardly tell on Roger since he entered with bedhead], lipstick marks all over his face. Dorothy is purring slightly.)

Dorothy: Yes, gone for hours and hours ...
Roger: Eh, at least I got my suits back.
Dorothy: Yes, unlike that one time in which everyone got your suits back.

* * *

act 21: abandoned station scene

(Camera pans in to find ...
Alan in roger's suit. Angel in Roger's suit [only with a mini-skirt]. Dorothy in Roger's suit Vera in Roger's suit. Union extras in Roger's suit.
Dorothy has just smacked Alan's drill from her face and has lept up to the railing, swaying percariously.)

Alan: Can't stop the inevitable, Roger.
Dorothy: I refuse to be killed by a fruit like you, Roger.
Angel: Roger, don't kill her!
Alan: Shut up, Roger!

(Military Police car plows into the building, Roger and Dastun getting out. Roger is in Dorothy's dress and Dastun is in Roger's suit. The rest stare at them, Angel with a bit of nausea.)

Angel: That looks SOO wrong, you two.
Roger: Why the hell are you all in MY suits?!
Dorothy: Dorothy, my love, you've come to rescue me!
Roger: Now, hold on -

(A man wearing a Medieval costume skips onto the set. He's being followed by another man who is hauling a giant pack and banging coconut halves together.)

Man: Excuse me, can you tell me which way is Camelot?
Alan: No, go away you English pig-dog! (starts throwing farm animals at the Man.) Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

(Roger sits on the ground and moans.)

Roger: What's wrong? All I ever wanted to so is ... sing ...
Dorothy (waving arms): No, no! None of that!
Angel: This is pointless, I'm going on break and get some cheese and Spam -

(A group of Vikings come through.)

Vikings (with Alan and Dastun): Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam SPAM Wonderful spam!

(Big O's Foot suddenly stomps down on the scene.)

What, no knight with a rubber chicken? Oh well, at least I know that I'm not the only Flying Circus fan out there...
*A fellow in armor walks up behind wicmgp and smacks him with a chicken*

Great one, Big Omega! Thanks, Megadeus .
This one's a little juvenile, and so obvious I'm suprised no one's done it yet . But I couldn't resist .

"Roger the Negotiator, take 1, "Big O entrance"
(Roger and director on the set for the then-titled "Fractured Memories" show, ready to do the first megadeus battle scene)
Director: Okay, Roger, this is your Big's first entrance, so I want you to stand here, and read the script.
Roger: No problem - I'm pretty antsy to see this thing, myself. So what do I say?
Director (looking a little uncomfortable for some reason): Well, it's only about one or two lines....(hands Roger the script with slight hesitation)
Roger (looking at director): What's wrong? (looks at script. Instantly, a smirk dances on the side of his mouth) You're kidding me - this is the name?
(director slowly nods)
Roger (straining to restrain a laugh): You're joking! You expect me to say this with a straight face? Who came up with this name, Dr. Ruth?
Director: I knew you were going to do this. Look, Roger, there's nothing we can do about the name, so please just this once, act like a pro, kay?
Roger (laughing openly): Come on, Tim! I've heard of creative licence, but this....
Dorothy (coming over to see what the hold up is): Roger, Tim, what's going - (Roger - still smiling - shows Dorothy the name of the "Big"; she leans on his shoulder and, covering her mouth, immediately catches the giggles) Is this for real?!? Oh, this is too -
Director (growing increasingly impatient): Listen - enough, you two. Let's just do the scene, move on and be done with this day. This shouldn't take more than one shot. Alright?
(Roger and Dorothy instantly straighten their faces)
Roger: You're the boss.
(Everyone moves to their places. Dorothy stands on the sides near Roger. Roger moves into position)
Director: Okay...Action!
(scene commences)
Roger: ( speaking into his watch): Big O!! -(starts smiling) Show - (breaks into string of laughter. Dorothy and a few on lookers join in)
Director: Cut!! Dammit Roger, you promised!
Roger (still chuckling): I know, I know, sorry. It's just - okay, I'm fine now - really.
Director: Okay....Places every one! Take 2!! And - Action!
(scence repeated)
Roger (speaking into watch and using an unusual amount of self control)
Big O!! Showtime!!
(director breaths a sigh of relief. Big O is moving underground)
Dorothy (looking straight at Roger): Well - it's coming....
(Roger starts smiling and stifling a laugh. A low rumbling can be felt)
Dorothy: Yes, I can feel it now....
(Roger covers his mouth and laughs inwardly. Rumbleing intensifiys)
Dorothy (still looking at Roger): Oh yes, the earth's beginning to move....
(All crew near her - including Roger - break into uncontrolable laughter)
Director (very angry): CUT!!! (moves out of his chari and walks slowly towards set, staring at Roger and Dorothy) Children....
Roger (still laughing): Tim, that was her fault this time!

(Later that day - after shot was completed. Roger, Dorothy, and the director are walking off the set)
Dorothy: (yawning) that was a long day....
Director: (mumbleing) It wouldn't taken as long of you two weren't acting like twelve-year-olds....There was no reason that shot should've taken five takes.
Roger: Oh, come on, Tim - it was all in good fun. You have to admit that was pretty funny.
Director: Yeah, well....
Dorothy: Hey Tim - why don't you run it by the producers to change the name of the show to that.
Director: What?! With the way you were carrying on today....
Dorothy: That's the point. If we saw it more, It wouldn't be so funny.
Roger (smiling broadly): That's a good idea. Hell, might even drag in more viewers.
Dorothy (giggling): It's definitley more of an attractor than Fractured Memories.
Director: That's the stup- (catches himself and seriously considers) That might not be so crazy....

From the Secret Audition Tapes ...

(Roger and Dorothy are sitting nervously next to each other. Roger is in jeans and a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt and he has chin-length hair. He's also wearing a pair of reading glasses and reading a script. Dorothy is in leather pants and a mid-driff baring tank top and studded bracelets, her hair spikey and her eyes heavily lined with black eyeliner.)

Casting director: Okay. Clone-Boy and Dora, you two are playing Roger Smith and Dorothy Wayenright in this scene -
Dorothy: I wanted to play Alan Gabriel.
CD: We already have that part filled by Leonardo di Caprio.
Roger: Uh, no, I refuse to work with di Cappuchino.
Dorothy: Oh, don't worry, he's not out of the closet yet. Okay, Leo's skinnier than me, he can keep it. Which page?
Roger: Lessee ... I play Roger ... *reads* Who is this anal git?
CD: That's how he was written, Clone-Boy. You have no choice if you want to keep this part.
Dorothy: Hm ... can I play Red Hot Chili Peppers on the piano instead?
CD: No, Dora, your character is an elegant android.
Dora: Bor-ring ... And what's with this 'louse' business? Can't she just call Anal Git a 'smeghead'?
CD: That's how they're written. Do you want these parts or not?
Roger: Who's playing Norman?
CD: Tommy Tune.
Roger (getting up): Good bye.
Dorothy (gripping the back of his shirt): Come back here, Curve-Butt, you haven't auditioned with me yet.
Roger (sighs and sits back down): I think I'll regret this, but a pretty young girl called me 'Curve-Butt'.
Dorothy (smiling cutely): Can it, smeghead. Come on, read your line.
Roger: I have a few rules in my house. Rule number one: Everyone follows this rule, including me, you must wear black.
Dorothy: Your sense of fashion, smeghead, really sucks rocks.
CD: DORA!
Roger: You tell me to behave myself! What about you?
Dorothy: Really, you guys should punch up her character - was she based on Data from that crappy Star Trek series?
Roger: Hey, that was a GREAT Star Trek series!
Dorothy: EWW, Clone-Boy's a Closet Trekkie!
CD: Do you go around with pointed ears and say 'Long live and prosper'?
Roger: No, just my bald cap and saying 'Make it so!'.
Dorothy: You are officially a LOT less attractive.
Roger: That's what you say now, Goth Chick, but you'll soon fall for my nerdy ways - I also role-play and listen to 80's pop music.
Dorothy: You are a louse, Roger Smith.
CD: PERFECT!

(Both notice him.)

Roger: Do you mind? I'm trying to woo the pretty girl with my geekiness.
Dorothy: Tell me more about your role-playing.
Roger: I play fighter-clerics mostly, but I like to spice things up with the ninja halflings -
Dorothy: Ooh! I prefer half-elf fighting-bards myself -

(Two hours later - )

Roger: So he jumps into a hole, thinking he'll escape the dragon, but it turns out to be a rabbit hole so his butt is hanging out - just as the dragon faints on him!
Dorothy (laughing): That's really too much! Hey, Mr. Casting Director! Can we change the meileu or however that word is pronounced? Maybe we can have Paradigm City in a fantasy world and the Megadei are actually giant dragons or something.
CD: There will be dragons in this, don't worry. By the way, you two have the parts.
Roger: Good. Anyway, I drove the girl RPG'ers nuts with my special magical item.
Dorothy: What was that?
Roger: +5 Jeweled Condom.
Dorothy (laughs): No way!
CD: Oh, yeah, Clone-Boy, you're going to have to cut your hair.
Roger: Yeah, whatever ... so, Dora, wanna go a round?
Dorothy: Sure. I'm playing the sword-handling Amazon Queen with the skimpy chainmail bikini.
Roger: Oh, yeah, I can see it ...

(Casting director leaves, shaking his head.)

Dorothy: Good he's gone. *tackles Roger on the couch* You're mine now, Geek.
Roger (whispering): Help, help me ...

* * *

(Cut back to hosts. Schwarzwald is standing next to Roger's chair, swinging a bandage around.)

Schwarzwald: Okay, you two horndogs, it's time for something funny. It's time to unleash the Red Bull Blooper.
Roger: Mike, the world isn't ready for the Red Bull Blooper.
Schwarzwald: Yes, they are! The Truth Must Be Known!

(Dorothy makes 'crazy' motions with her finger twirling near her head.)

Dorothy: Sure, sure ... if you can find the reel.
Schwarzwald: WHAT??? (runs off to look for the reel)
Dorothy: He won't find it.
Roger: Why not?
Dorothy: Angel's using the reel to pad her but in her pink catsuit.
Roger: I always wondered why it clanked when I smacked her butt.

(Dorothy slams her fist out and hits him in the jaw, sending him to the floor.)

Dorothy: Smeghead.

COSTUME SHOTS:

(Roger walks in front of a camera. A small board reads: 'Roger Smith's Black Suit Costume'. He poses coolly. Voiceovers of director and costumer are heard.)

Dir: I like that, it seems to work on him. What did you put in those shoulderpads?
Cos: I stole some shoulderpads from some anime villian costume shop.
Dir: It works. Can you turn around, Roger, and let me see the full view?

(Roger slowly turns around. He takes the sunglasses off and puts them in his pocket.)

Dir: That really works on him. you did a great job, Jean.
Cos: Thanks.
Roger: One thing.
Dir: What?
Roger (smirking): The name's Smith. Roger Smith. Shaken, not stirred.
Dir: Sic him.

(Dorothy jumps into the screenshot and tackles Roger out of the screen range.)

Somewhere on set....
(The day's shooting is done and everyone has disbanded. Dorothy enters on set, pulling Roger by the hand behind her)
Roger (sounding irritated): I said no, Dorothy! I'm tired, it's been a long day. Let's go-
Dorothy: Not yet. I told you there's something you gotta see!
Roger: What!?! You haven't told me....
Dorothy: It's a surprise!
Roger: It had better be good.
Dorothy: Trust me - it is.
(She leads him to behind one of the main cameras on set and squats down. Roger - not knowing what to expect - follows suit)
Roger(still irritated): So what now.
Dorothy: We wait.
(Five minutes pass. Roger prepares to leave, but Dorothy drags him back down and points to the entrance. Alan Gabriel walks onto "empty" set. He bends down to pick up his clothes)
Roger: This is what you wanted me to see?
Dorothy (shushing him) Just wait!
(Alan, looking around, turns and walks to a video camera on the other side of the room and turns it on. Then - still looking cautiously around the set - walks towards where Dorothy and Roger are hiding. Both hold there breathes, but Alan walks to a radio instead and turns it on.)
Roger: (What's he doing?)
Dorothy: (You'll see.)
(Alan - thinking he's alone - pops in a CD. Soon the room is filled with the sounds of Michael Jackson's "Bad". Alan returns to his camera and starts bustin' moves in a frighteningly skillful manner)
Roger: (covering his mouth to prevent his laughs from being heard): (What the hell?)
Dorothy: (He does this everynight......)
Roger: (Quick! Turn on the camera!)
(Dorothy quickly reaches up and flips the switch before being detected. In the mean time, Alan's busy turning, moonwalking and spinning to notice. When he grabs his crotch and cries "Ahee- hee!", Dorothy ad Roger bite their lips to keeping from laughing out loud and being discovered. After the song ends, Alan quickly turns off the camera, grabs his CD and - without even noticing the other camera's "On" light - makes a hasty retreat. Dorothy and Roger immediately busts into laughter.)
Dorothy (turning off the camera): So what are you going to do with this?
Roger(smiling): I've always wanted his parking space....
Dorothy: You mean the one by east wing....?
Roger: Yeah. Doesn't seem right that he should get a closer spot than us.
Dorothy: Let's catch him before he leaves!
(exit)