Misc. Random Facts about Chuck Norris

X Prime 11-22-2005 04:09 AM
Hot on the heels of facts about Vin Diesel, here comes facts about Chuck Norris. Enjoy. OR GET ROUNDHOUSE KICKED IN THE FACE.

The Baker St. Irregular 11-22-2005 04:45 AM
Not mine, but I just had to mention it.

"Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."

Big Grin
Generalissimo D 11-22-2005 11:13 AM
"Chuck Norris is saddened that his fact generator will be a fraction of the size of Vin Diesel's, because only Americans know who the hell he is."

"In the year 1227 A.D., Genghis Khan challenged Chuck Norris to fight him, saying, "We are the two most ferocious warriors on Earth, but there can be only one." Norris asked for two years to train, and Khan said okay as a professional courtesy. Unfortunately, Khan died before the fight was scheduled to take place. Since then, Norris refers to himself as "The greatest warrior alive, since the greatest one died."

"Every five years, Chuck Norris must travel thousands of miles to the tallest, coldest and most barren mountain top to use the Tibeten Blade of a Thousand Enraged souls to trim his beard."

"Chuck Norris was carved out of adamantium, and his soul is made of the hopes and fears of every child born before December 24, 1739."

"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month."

And for all the Japanophiles out there....

spoiler (highlight to read):
Once, thousands of years ago, during a bout of boredom, Chuck Norris masturbated into the Pacific Ocean--the spots where his mule juice landed are now known as "Japan".

LAWL. Nice find X.
Travis Bickle 11-22-2005 11:16 AM

This girl that I work with has a sexual obsession with Chuck Norris and now keeps this as her home page.

Too many roundhouse kicks to the face for my liking.
088nd 11-22-2005 11:36 AM
First one I got:

"Chuck Norris masturbates with Sandpaper."
YoruameBaroness 11-23-2005 12:25 AM
Masturbating with sandpaper sounds extremely painful.

"Chuck Norris was actually born a triplet. His brothers were death and pain."

So he's the Grim Reaper in human form?
Sharpshooter005 11-23-2005 01:23 AM
So he's the Grim Reaper in human form?

I like to believe this furthers my theory that Gary Busey is pestilence.

If I had any idea how to code a website, we'd be seeing a "random facts about Gary Busey" one soon. The man needs his due recognition. If you doubt me, watch "I'm with Busey" and weep at the magnificence.
Sir Nise 11-30-2005 08:55 AM
Originally posted by Sharpshooter005

I like to believe this furthers my theory that Gary Busey is pestilence.

how long have you been keeping this secret?!
some of my faves:

"The sweat from the testicles of Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel, while harmless on their own, combine to form the world's strongest steroid or explosive."

"Chuck Norris declared war on the color orange. And won."

"Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them."

MILARIOUS! Super find X! H4CKZ!
David Ryder 01-31-2006 08:29 PM
Not sure if any one has seen this but well here it is Chuck Norris SCIII style

Scarey thing is that the created charecter does look like Mr. Norris, oh and the fact that he's fighting Hitler is also funny.
Sharpshooter005 01-31-2006 08:43 PM
Chuck norris has two speeds.

Walk and kill.
Nine Kuze 02-02-2006 01:03 PM
Chuck Norris once killed a man with his buttcheeks... according to Uncle Rukus from The Boondocks.
Generalissimo D 04-30-2006 11:59 AM
Gato Gurl914 04-30-2006 12:26 PM
there's also www.chucknorrisfacts.net

God wanted to create the universe and everything in it in 14 days. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
SEELE 08 04-30-2006 12:55 PM
Chuck Norris is not allpowerful because not even Chuck Norris can stop Chuck Norris jokes.
Diverse Considerations 04-30-2006 01:37 PM
Chuck Norris rejects your reality and substitutes his own.
Buck Buck #1 04-30-2006 02:17 PM
Originally posted by Diverse Considerations
Chuck Norris rejects your reality and substitutes his own.

You said that in the manly man thread... Manly man is not amused Mad
Generalissimo D 04-30-2006 02:17 PM
Chuck Norris does not amuse. He terrifies.
Diverse Considerations 04-30-2006 10:22 PM
Originally posted by Mr. Bun Bun
You said that in the manly man thread... Manly man is not amused Mad

Sufficed to say, there is a lot of reality substitution going around. Is there any wonder why the world is so messed up?


Chuck Norris is an environmental necessity, for it is the roundhouse kick, and not heart, that is the earth's fifth element.
Schwarzwald 05-10-2006 10:33 PM
Walker Texas Ranger was the one who taught Santa his omnipotent sight.(Its in the theme song, his omnipotence)