Last Action Hero

NightRanger 09-04-2005 12:07 AM

I saw this movie for the first time in a long time the day before yesterday on HBO. I hadn't seen it in a long time, and it made me laugh. Almost anything with AHHNOLD is entertaining to watch. Unforgettable dialogue:

Danny Madigan: You think you are funny, don't you?
Jack Slater: I know I am. I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger.
Danny Madigan: Schwarzenegger!
Jack Slater: Gesundheit.


Jack Slater: Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?

Danny Madigan: ...I though I was going to die.
Jack Slater: Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer - acne, shaving, premature ejaculation... and your first divorce.


[after seeing a "Terminator 2" poster with Sylvester Stallone]
Danny Madigan: No. It's not possible!
Jack Slater: What's not possible? The man is an artist. It's his best performance ever!
Danny Madigan: But... that was you! YOU were in that movie!
[a girl close-by hears them]
Girl: [to Jack] You were in a movie?
Jack Slater: Yes. It was called "The Girl of My Dreams". It starred you. As a matter of fact, there was this very romantic scene where we had dinner together.



THIS MAN NEEDS A DOCTA!!!!!!!

It also had some good tunes by AC/DC, Queensryche, Tesla, and Def Leppard, whom the latter contributed their classic acoustic ballad "Two Steps Behind" for this movie.
Zopwx2 09-04-2005 12:34 AM
I just saw this movie again the other day.

Its one of those movies that is so bad its hilarious and fun to watch with other people to laugh at how bad it was. But cheesy plot aside there was some action.
Mike 09-05-2005 03:07 PM
I saw a good-sized piece of this movie. It was so bad that I think I died a little bit.
088nd 09-05-2005 03:40 PM
quote:
Originally posted by GAT-X105
I saw a good-sized piece of this movie. It was so bad that I think I died a little bit.


Same.
NightRanger 09-05-2005 05:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Zopwx2
I just saw this movie again the other day.

Its one of those movies that is so bad its hilarious and fun to watch with other people to laugh at how bad it was. But cheesy plot aside there was some action.

Well the film's supposed to partially be a spoof/satire.
Generalissimo D 09-05-2005 05:39 PM
Hmm. I owe this movie a good morning, because I remember so long ago when the TA, Me, and a few other guys in homeroom made prankcalls with an Arnold Soundboards that apprerently had lines from this movie.

Good times.


quote:
Originally posted by NightRanger


THIS MAN NEEDS A DOCTA!!!!!!!

Mike 09-05-2005 05:46 PM
Last Action Hero tried to make fun of action movie cliches. But it ended up just being a turd.

This movie's over the top awfulness reminds me of a Segal movie once. I only saw one scene, but it went like this:

President's limo is stopped on a bridge by a van and a helicopter full of terrorists. Steven Segal proceeds to kill all the terrorists, and shoot down the helicopter, with a 9mm pistol which somehow is fully automatic and has thousands of rounds in it.
Captain Maw 09-05-2005 10:36 PM
well, personally I liked it... although critics disagreed. (Rotten Tomatoes: 36%)
but than again.... i've practically seen every single Arnie movie.
"Austin O'Brien, the child equivalent of nails on a chalkboard."
that kid was really annoying. his stupid, yet precocious attitude really bothered me. not to mention he had bad hair, and was like, 7 years old.
Sharpshooter005 09-05-2005 10:45 PM
quote:
Originally posted by GAT-X105
Last Action Hero tried to make fun of action movie cliches. But it ended up just being a turd.

This movie's over the top awfulness reminds me of a Segal movie once. I only saw one scene, but it went like this:

President's limo is stopped on a bridge by a van and a helicopter full of terrorists. Steven Segal proceeds to kill all the terrorists, and shoot down the helicopter, with a 9mm pistol which somehow is fully automatic and has thousands of rounds in it.


This is the reason why Segal is the undisputed archduke of terrible action movies. In a Schwarzenegger movie, or a Bruce Willis movie, a scene like that would probably be taken fairly lightly.

Steven Segal movies lack anything approaching a tongue in cheek presentation of things. They're treated as dead serious material, periodically even attempting to convey social commentary.

I mean...with the exception of collateral damage, I'm hard pressed to think of a Schwarzenegger movie that tried to "tackle an issue'. Segal has about...five. My favorite being the last five minutes of one I saw where he...he kills a number of people, then BLOWS UP AN OIL RIG, then the epilogue is some poorly done speech by his character about the evils of the oil industry...

Remember. It's OKAY if you slaughter about fifteen people, then blow an entire oil rig into oblivion, doubtlessly spilling thousands of gallons of the stuff into the water. As long as, in your heart, you were just doing it for the spotted egrets.

I could go on for a while explaining this in more detail, but....the worst action movie without Steven Segal in it, will probably have a few redeeming features placing it over whatever would be considered the "best" Steven Segal movie by people who..can watch them without wincing.

It's almost painful to watch him try and deliver the obligatory action movie wisecrack. It's like a train smashing into a bus full of orphans, you really don't want to see it, but you just can't turn your eyes away.
Generalissimo D 09-05-2005 10:53 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Sharpshooter005
Really, it's impossible to make an action movie as bad as the ones Segal is in. Even Collateral Damage looked like a masterpiece compared to..above the law, half past dead, under seige 1 and 2...ANY OF THEM.


Dude. Half Past Dead was awesome. I mean, how can you NOT buy into the concept of Steven Segal in Alcatraz? With a psycho team of people in black leather? And Ja Rule in there trying to look tough and then bobbing his head up and down with a smile towards the end? And a killing chamber making a reference to a book also known as "The Children's Crusade"?

Its the Three Stooges effect like the one Mr. Burns has. All the bad stuff tries to come out at once yet gets stuck in a balance.

I love that movie. ^_^
Sharpshooter005 09-05-2005 10:56 PM
quote:
And Ja Rule in there trying to look tough and then bobbing his head up and down with a smile towards the end?


A popular topic among my friends for a while was asking "What the hell is wrong with Ja Rule's face?"

I think, deep down, we're all still asking that.

I also love the title of the film, as it has NOTHING to do with the plot. For those of you lucky enough to have not seen it. Half-past dead is the term used by one character, to refer to Segal's character having been clinically dead for about a minute.

This scene is the first and last time that point is brought up, or has any impact on anything.

You're right though, it's just....SO much was terribly wrong with that movie, it's mind blowing in a way.