What Would A Manly Man Do?

In the early 20th Century, Woodrow Wilson tried to prohibit rageahol. However, Manly Man tore him limb from limb, and sent the parts the League of Nations. The League of Nations disbanded shortly thereafter.

Unlike alcohol, if you attempted to distill rageahol using a Brita filter, the Brita filter would rip your still beating heart from your chest.

Except if you were Manly Man. In that situation, the Brita filter would do its job and like it.

Alchohol is Manly Man's asprin.

One 151 is merely half a pill for Manly Man.

What need does Manly Man have for any sort of artificial aid? Manly Man's white blood cells produce all the whiskey and rageahol he'd ever need.

The manly man has no white blood cells. He has camoflague cells that sneak up on viruses and pwn them.

Delta Force, the British SAS, and several other special forces units are modeled off the Manly Man's immune system. Needless to say, they are inferior in every way.

Scientists have spent decades attempting to analyze Manly Man's body, primarily to discover the method by which Manly Beer is sweated.

Numerous attempts have been made by Nerdly Man to replicate this feature in other men. So far, the only result has been billions in wasted grant money and a veritable sea of Diet Pepsi.

Oh s***...YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!

Let's not forget, all forms of alchohol in the world are attempts to re-create Manly Beer. People still can't decide which comes closest.

The Manly Man practices necromancy solely for the purposes of reviving long-deceased threads, which he then, through sheer power of will, materializes in the real world as zombies to do his bidding. Making zombies the normal way just isn't manly enough.

Manly Man has seven hundred and seveny seven manly lawn mowers, each more manly than the last. The most manly of these has the power to instantly evaporate all plantlife taller than two inches on the face of the planet. Even so, he always goes next door and takes Nerdly Man's lawn mower, and uses it without permisison, because Nerdly Man is a nancy boy and never does anything about it.

Manly Man, after lawn mowing and necromanticizing, takes a hike to California and fells a redwood tree with his bare hands. He hikes back to Manlyland, a wholly independent nation with a population of 1 human and many a bear, takes down a jetliner, and uses it and the tree to fashion a Boomstick to shoot the zombies.

But he changes his mind and doesn't use it to shoot the zombies. Instead, he impales a bunch of them on the barrel and converts his airliner-tree-boomstick to an airliner-tree-zombie club, with boomstick functionality.

Then he'd rip a phone book with his eyelid because he's so manly.