Misc. Random Facts About Vin Diesel

X Prime 05-31-2005 05:19 PM

Some of these are actually fairly amusing. Post your funny ones!
Buck Buck #1 05-31-2005 05:26 PM
Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.

Great find, those are darn funny.
Volt 05-31-2005 05:31 PM
That's weird. This was on another message board I go to, but people were supposedly making the stuff up. So, I guess there was plagiarising somewhere down the line. =/ Whatever. I don't know if it's on there, but the best one I've seen is (crude):

spoiler (highlight to read):
Everytime Vin Diesel kills God, a kitten masturbates.

Generalissimo D 05-31-2005 05:33 PM
Originally posted by X Prime

Some of these are actually fairly amusing. Post your funny ones!


Vin Diesel has his own Kingdom, Phylum, and Class.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

Big Grin

Thank you for a much needed dose of humor X Prime! Nice to see that frown let up everyone once in a while.

Edit:Excellent one volt.
Big Money 05-31-2005 05:38 PM
Vin Diesel has pulled off a ten-hit combo in Tekken.

Vin Diesel killed Tupac.

Vin Diesel played Queen Elizabeth I in the film Shakespeare in Love. Judi Dench collected the Best Supporting Actress Oscar on his behalf for said film role, because Vin believed that the awards ceremony was beneath him. He was right too – at the time the 1998 Oscars ceremony took place he was streaking through the skies of Los Angeles propelled by a never-ending supply of methane, collecting clouds to fill the bung-topped jar he keeps on his bedroom windowsill for that very purpose.

Vin Diesel is unaffected by the video from The Ring

There are pictures in northern India depicting Vin Diesel pimping a man's rickshaw. At this time Vin Diesel was in a gaseous state, making such a feat child's play.

Vin Diesel and William Shatner are like this *crosses fingers*

Vin Diesel invented the Tootsie Pop. Consequently, the number of licks to get to the center is equal to his social security number. If this exact number of licks is achieved, you will be granted eternal life. This is why Bob Barker is still alive and on television.

Vin Diesel's Social Security Number is 000-00-1337.

If one attempts to calculate the awesomeness factor of Vin Diesel, cubed by the awesomeness of a badger divided by the awesomeness of ninja-pirates, one has the basis for the weapon that destroys the universe.
BethMcBeth 05-31-2005 08:24 PM

Vin Diesel is an alternate identity created by the government's most successful assasin. If you ask him about it, he will deny it, but your immediate family will be dead within two weeks.

You know I know some people who would think that too! ROFL

Travis Bickle 05-31-2005 08:34 PM
My favorite:

- Vin Diesel wrote the blockbuster hit "The Matrix." He also wrote "The Thirteenth Floor," which debuted to slightly lower success. This infuriated him, causing him to go on a 3 day rage, eating all the cheese in Athens, Tennessee and slaughtering every cat in the Tri-State area.
Shaoblane 05-31-2005 08:44 PM
The sensation of déjà vu is actually the vague premonition that Vin Diesel is making love to your biological mother. If you find yourself experiencing déjà vu in the presence of you mother, you are Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel was offered one million dollars to read to children at an inner city school in Detroit, Michigan, but was paid just $500,000 after it was reported that he merely chanted his name 3,631 times.
Vin Diesel was once a member of the Justice League, but was kicked out after eating more hot dogs then Superman.

One for Hienrich Ele:
Vin Diesel has a fever...and the only perscription is more cowbell.

This is BAD!
It is commonly believed that the RMS Titanic sank after a collision with an iceberg. In fact, the ship had struck Vin Diesel, who was swimming laps of the Atlantic Ocean. The icebergs were there, but they were being towed by Vin as something to chew on when he got bored.

If Vin Diesel comes out of his hole and sees his shadow, there will be 10,000 years of nuclear winter.


Some of my own:

Vin Diesel was a butterfly in his past life.
Vin Diesel's lifelong dream is to be in a bad karate movie.
Vin Diesel puts mayonaise on his white bread.
Mike 05-31-2005 09:33 PM
Vin was the chief programmer on the Super Mario Brothers 3 development team.

The universe was created when Vin Diesel punched god in the face. This event was later named the big bang theory.

The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Vin Diesel battling Adolph Hitler and the Nazis in World War 2.

If you use a computer to take a 3-dimensional topographical layout of Vin Diesel's body, then divide every coordinate on the graph by pi, the outcoming number will cause the computer to become self-aware.

Vin Diesel let the dogs out.

There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt. A button that calls Vin Diesel.
X Prime 05-31-2005 09:35 PM
The French insulted Vin Diesel 500 years ago because his name means "Gasoline Wine" in French. His revenge is the reason they've been too scared to fight ever since.

^ errr... Yeah.
TanookiJoe 05-31-2005 11:48 PM
Vin Diesel once raped George W. Bush, but G.W. let him off the hook because, hey, he's Vin f***ing Diesel.

Now there's a winner.

The Mayans and Aztecs did not just disappear. They were collected by Vin Diesel for his live human chessboards he hides in a giant underground lair under Lake Titicaca. Vin Diesel named Lake Titicaca as well.
Generalissimo D 06-01-2005 12:47 PM
Vin Diesel created both Mac and PC. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are just hand puppets he uses. The whole thing is just to entertain him as he wistfully wishes for a much simpler time of pirate dinosaurs and flying pyramids manned by busty Nympho Amazonians

Gotta love it.

Vin Diesel showed Mario how to jump on the shell at the end of the first level.


Vin Diesel once attempted to appeal to both the black and white cultures, but was upstaged by Wayne Brady.


The original script for Texas Chainsaw Massacre called for 6,000 gallons of artificial blood. After hearing this, Vin promptly donated over 10,000 gallons of real blood from his own massacre performed the night before. We know this massacre as the American Civil War.

Avenir 06-01-2005 01:25 PM
Vin Diesel once dropkicked a cow because it gave him a funny look. Upon impact the cow combusted into confetti, in which Diesel pranced with his close friend Richard Simmons.

When Vin Diesel dies, he will return to the life stream and stop Meteor.

Vin Diesel dyslexia from suffers.

Vin Diesel can say “Are you on the pill?” in 12 languages.

Robert Louis Stevenson consulted Vin Diesel many times during the writing of his timeless classic "Treasure Island," as Vin Diesel himself owned and operated the real-life Admiral Benbow Inn where much of the story's action unfolds.

- - - - - - - - - -

My favorite being the final quote.

spoiler (highlight to read):
Those who have spotted an Admiral Benbow Inn would concur that it's a fleabag hotel chain.

Quite an amusing find, X Prime.
Buck Buck #1 06-01-2005 04:17 PM
Vin Diesel is your father! Shocked
Volt 06-01-2005 04:47 PM
Here's a few others (mostly made up by the people at the board I mentioned earlier).

Dan Brown wanted to call his book The Da Vin Diesel Code, but decided that would give the ending away.

Vin Diesel killed the Dead Sea.

50 Cent's "The Massacre" is based on a party Vin Diesel had with his groupies.

Since Vin Diesel can see in the dark in Pitch Black, he can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Shaoblane 06-01-2005 07:07 PM
When Vin Diesel laughs he actually says LOL or LMAO.
Fujiko 06-02-2005 04:43 AM
Vin Diesel packs his ears and rectum with honey glazed ham nightly.

Every time Vin Diesel spins the wheel on the Price is Right, he gets 1.00.


Vin Diesel invented menstruation by punching Eve in the stomach.

That bastard.

Vin Diesel has beaten everyone in Hollywood at Uno.

He is a cyborg from the waist down.

Vin Diesel's mournful call is often mistaken for that of the Loon.

Vin Diesel once peed on a third rail of the New York City subway system and subsequently caused the blackout of 2003.

Dragon Ball Z is closely based on Vin Diesel's last piano recital.


some of mine:

Willy Wonka is Vin Diesel's alias.

People have spotted Vin Diesel at conventions in a green tunic and hat, and white tights. No one has complained.

Vin Diesel has made most of his money catching leprachauns. He has lied to the public telling them they are extinct.

Vin Diesel was once a platypus.
BethMcBeth 06-02-2005 05:03 PM
Hhaha today I wound up with this one!

Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."


Hienrich Ele 06-02-2005 05:59 PM
Originally posted by Shaoblane
One for Hienrich Ele:
Vin Diesel has a fever...and the only perscription is more cowbell.


Taking a picture of Vin Diesel's penis is the key to immortality. Take a picture of the wrong one however, and he will take yours and add it to himself. Unless you're a girl. Then he'll make you one and take yours.

Vin Diesel's sons are John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and Cher. This is why it is against the law in 49 states for Vin to reproduce. The only state that allows it is Alabama. This is because Vin saved Alabama from certain destruction, however, the details have not been released to the public and there is only speculation at this point.

In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you.

Vin Diesel writes crime novels under the assumed name Ian Rankin. The real Ian Rankin is a male prostitute whom Vin cured of Syphilis with his magic touch.

Vin Diesel has a strange power over cats, but has vowed to use it only for good, and never, ever for evil. Whether he can be trusted with this remarkable ability remains to be seen.

Vin Diesel once dated Angela Lansbury.


That is a beatiful site. Truly, a genius one. I love it oh-so much.

I love the last one I posted Tongue
dominusofdeath 06-02-2005 06:05 PM
Here's one.

Vin Diesel is a terrible actor.

He loves the gecko from the Geico ads, but hates the Aflac duck.
Contrary to popular belief, it was in fact Vin Diesel who invented the internet. Al Gore stole the designs when Vin fell asleep at his keyboard.
Vin Diesel is Rick James, bitch.
Vin Diesel set us up the bomb.
Vin Diesel is the last Mohican.
Vin Diesel does not actually run on diesel. He actually runs on a high octane fuel which is made by mixing environmentally friendly LPG with the souls of the damned.