Horror movies so lame and bad that they are funny.

NightRanger 03-24-2005 11:10 PM
Of course, funny turns into cool. Anyway, I'll tell you about one called "MONKEY SHINES". It's this movie that came out in the late 80s. It's about this guy who gets hit by a truck during a morning jog and becomes paralyzed from the neck down, and his scientist friend gives him a monkey to be his hands. However, he doesn't know that his scientist friend has been injecting the monkey with an experimental formula to make the monkey think like a human, or something, I dunno. Anyway, the guy (the one that's paralyzed) develops a bond between the monkey, who's name is Ella. Anyway, they also make some kind of telepathic connection, and there's certain people making the guy mad (like his surgeon, who stole his girl away from him), so the monkey goes around fulfilling the guy's revenge fantasies. And the last half hour can't get any cornier. You just have to see for yourself how lame it is. It's hard to believe George A. Romero (of Night of the Living Dead fame) directed this drivel. That monkey is damn cute though. If you want to watch it, Best Buy's webpage has the DVD for $9.99, plus S+H, or if you don't wanna buy it, It's currently being played on Showtime Beyond. You can watch the trailer here to get a taste of what to expect:

http://www.justmovietrailers.com/video/4...railer_300.html

And here's the poster:
StevieV019 03-25-2005 10:15 AM
I can actually add to this thread...and very easily too.

"Idle Hands" with Seth Green and Jessica Alba from 1999.

Its characterized as a horror/comedy...and yeah, Id say its more comedy than anything. About a kid who cant control his hands and goes out killing people and stuff. Yeah...funny stuff, when taken from a certain perspective (i.e. take it for what it is, a cheesy horror/comedy), its not that bad. From a technical/movie perspective, its horrible. But still check it out...great movie to watch at 1 am in the morning when you're bored as hell. Definitely NOT scary....
Generalissimo D 03-25-2005 04:05 PM
The Ring.

Need I say more?

Whoever said this crud was scary must be REALLY skittish. Me, with my weak heart, am easily shocked. I only jumped(actually just moved slightly) about twice due to shock value(The sudden cuts to the faces of the Samara victims). And of course, these bastards rely on it to make it "scary". Real horror is long gone. Stupid desensitization!
TanookiJoe 03-26-2005 02:45 PM
Just to be foppish, I'm going to point out that the word "horror" is supposed to denote something that provokes disgust, not fear. So saying that horror films aren't scary misses the point. Tongue ("Terror films" would be a more fitting appellation.)

Any b-movie site will have long lists of such laugh-inducing scare flicks. My favorite would be http://stomptokyo.com.
Blue Crow 03-26-2005 04:20 PM
all of them released in the past 3-4 years.

-bc
Captain Maw 03-27-2005 01:15 PM
ignore the title.
Well, i have to say there are some good scary movies out there. i mean, i just saw Open Water. i liked the idea of it, but it was poorly executed, so it goes to the b-list. seeing how they added wanton nudity (a la Kubrik) which is so not necessary, and they cut short the thunderstorm scene (omfg, that scene they could've milked), tried to make a social statement with their clips of life on the beach, etc.
Pie_Junkie 03-27-2005 04:01 PM
I love horror movies but they just aren't scary. Also any horror movie from the last cuople years blows. Anyways, Frightners: a movie that my sister finds scary but is just funny. Some guy seeing numbers on people's foreheads after that they're dead. People in walls and ghosts, a funny movie.
Travis Bickle 03-27-2005 04:04 PM
What about the remake of Dawn of the Dead? That was amazingly bad yet funny as hell. And they had some pretty famous people in it, too. In the first 15 minutes, the girl's boyfriend gets bitten by the infected girl, tries to kill her, she drives away, he chases after her, but then, BAM! He stops following his love and runs towards the nearest person to eat them.

Dude. THEY SHOT A BABY IN THE FACE WITH A SHOTGUN! THAT'S NOT SCARY AT ALL! THAT'S JUST PLAIN AWESOME!
Gummibear 03-27-2005 05:49 PM
Speaking of really bad horror movies I used to LOVE a show that used to be on the Sci-fi channel I believe it was called Mystery Science Theater 3000...they used to watch bad movies and make hilarious commentary. I remember watching a few bad movies on that show. In fact I laughed so much I cried.
Ano Hito 03-27-2005 06:16 PM
Saw was laughably bad.
Travis Bickle 03-27-2005 07:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ano Hito
Saw was laughably bad.


I thought it kicked ass. Especially the slow acting poison and the setting on fire with the safe. That's just my opinion, though.
Patsai 03-27-2005 11:56 PM
The Ring twO made everything that was bad about sequels worse.
088nd 03-28-2005 10:58 PM
It

Pennywise is such a jokester.
Sharpshooter005 03-29-2005 12:06 AM
quote:
What about the remake of Dawn of the Dead?


I LOVED that movie. It's one of the few times I've come out of a remake without feeling the need to pick it apart.

http://imdb.com/title/tt0113858/

If you can find it on t.v., this is hysterical.

I can barely remember it, and I'm not sure I even saw all of it but..yes. Mosquitos bite an alien, and become huge and evil. The premise alone=gold.

Add to that how the "alien" hand looks nearly identical to that of an action figure/model/something I had as a kid, and it gets even better.

EDIT: Fun fact from IMDB.

" Matt Hundley was not the first choice to do special effects for this film. Another special effects artist started doing the effects for the film but mid way through, he said "I'll be right back, I'm going to get a pack of smokes," and never came back."

Thus proving that in life, it's always important to have an escape plan.
Fujiko 04-04-2005 12:16 AM
28 days later....awful awful, so awful it was funny
BethMcBeth 04-06-2005 02:45 PM
For me the excorsists! i thouhgt that was sooo bad all I did was laugh about it the whole time! And lets see also hmm Little Shop of Horrors probably Ghost busters too but they are great! ^_~"
Captain Maw 04-06-2005 06:18 PM
The Village.
so bad. i could guess the "surprise" ending halfway through the movie, and they revealed the truth too early, so by that time, most ppl were like F- this, and left.
Pero_Is_Crying 04-06-2005 10:38 PM
I love horror movies, especially bad ones aged to perfection. And these are the some of the WORST. I recommend them wholeheartedly. I think these are more or less in reverse chronological order because I know a lot of people don't share my enthusiasm for old movies. Only the last two are black and white.

The House on Haunted Hill

I remember mocking this one mercilessly in the theater only to watch it every time they put it on tv.

This remake of a gimmicky Vincent Price movie is essentially a feature length Marilyn Manson video. Like Dawn of the Dead, it has so little to do with the original movie that I don't know why they bothered to keep the name. The only real reason to see this movie is for the special effects. Also the cover of "Sweet Dreams" is nice and the setting is quite creepy. But if these actors never work again, it will be too soon.

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

An all girl motorcycle gang teams up with a midget and a bus full of blind orphans to save a town from zombies ressurected by the local mad scientist/mortitian. I'm not kidding. How can you resist such a laughably bad premise? I wish I had this on DVD if only so I could grab one of the mortician's more inane lines for a sig. He says something like-- "I didn't do it for science. I didn't do it for the betterment of mankind. I'M JUST MEAN!" Cracks me up every time. This is a good party movie.

Frogs

A very young Sam Elliot plays a photographer in this stinker about nature taking revenge on mankind. A wealthy industrialist and his family get together someplace conveniently isolated and swampy to celebrate his birthday. While his awful family tries to one up each other to stay in the old coot's good graces, he orders pesticides dumped all over to silence the wildlife. The wildlife doesn't like it, and kills almost everyone. This movie is something like two hours of the idle rich being killed in the most unplausible ways imaginable. There are more than the titular frogs dispensing justice for Mother Nature. Snakes, turtles, and some very pretty lizards also get in on the action. This will probably be the worst movie on the list. Every once in a while this movie airs on AMC, but you're more likely to find it in the 2 for $11 bin at Wal Mart.

Legend of the Werewolf

Arguably the worst movie Peter Cushing ever made. The plot is similar to Curse of the Werewolf (with Oliver Reed) without the boring exposition in the begining and with prostitutes and MST3K calibre acting added. Cushing is a turn of the century forensic pathologist of sorts and is, not surprisingly, the best part of the movie. The "Paris" depicted here is as Parisian as Dubuque, Iowa. Still, I'd rather watch this than "An American Werewolf in Paris".

The Black Cat

I know, there have been a million movies named after the works of Poe that have very little to do with the source material. This is one of the worst. This almost plot-free 1934 stinker has a certain charm other crappy pictures of the era lack, and of course, Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff.

A pair of American newlyweds can think of no place better for their honeymoon than bleak, rainy, war torn Austria. They meet a creepy, yet sympathetic character named Dr. Verdeghast (Lugosi) who helps the pair after a car accident leaves the new Mrs. wounded. Ultimately, the trio wind up guests in the home of Poelzig (Karloff), Verdeghast's long time rival. Karloff and Lugosi try to out creep one another as random things like a satanic cult, a corpse doing a Snow White impression, secret rooms that shrink, and long lost relatives pop up to confuse you and amuse you. The music is the exact same music Universal Pictures used in almost all of it's old horror pics, and if I'm not mistaken, was ripped off from Swan Lake.

Dracula is a classic. This movie is merely very old. And yet, something about this ridiculous senseless chain of events makes me watch it at least once a year. If you harbor a secret passion for low grade melodrama this movie is for you.

White Zombie

I'm going to keep this short because I've rambled long enough. You have to see this movie for the wonderful crumbling gothic castle....IN HAITI. Also, it's another total turd of a movie with the late great Bela Lugosi.

I can't believe I didn't mention a single Roger Corman movie! Maybe next time.
Captain Maw 04-06-2005 10:43 PM
don't forge the classic:
Children of the Corn:
it was good in teh beginning, turned sour in teh end with the demon teen
Pero_Is_Crying 04-08-2005 09:25 PM
Ugh! Children of the Corn! *writhes in agony* Didn't they ultimately make, like, 47 of those? I don't know which interminable series is more deserving of a B- movie award: CotC or Leprachaun (sp?).