Ground Crew Gripes and Aircraft Chatter

madclarinet 03-15-2005 05:43 PM
I've seen various versions of this for years, but this is the most comprehensive yet.

Basically, its the funny things that get said by aircraft pilots, ground crew notes, tower radio communications etc etc etc.

It is fairly long, but well worth the read, here's a couple of hints to tempt you.

Problem: Aircraft handles funny.
Solution: Aircraft warned to "straighten up, fly right, and be serious".


Tower: "United 393, do you have a visual on the runway?"
United 393: "United 393, roger, tower. We have visual on runway."
Tower: "United 393, then please advise why you are still in holding pattern."
United 393 (confused, after a pause): "Tower, since when has the runway been, errm, circular?"
Tower (without missing a beat): "United 393, please maintain your current altitude and leave the M25 London Orbital motorway at Junction 15. Follow the M4 eastbound and you will find Heathrow airport due south of Junction 4."

Hienrich Ele 03-15-2005 06:15 PM
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but I didn't stop."


Very good find, Madclarinet. Very funnfy stuff.
Pygmalion 03-15-2005 11:21 PM
You forgot to put "Don't drink while reading" on this link. Now my monitor's had a bath.

BethMcBeth 03-16-2005 01:35 AM
Hahha thats funny! ^_^"
madclarinet 03-16-2005 04:59 PM
Originally posted by Pygmalion
You forgot to put "Don't drink while reading" on this link. Now my monitor's had a bath.


Sorry, if it makes you feel any better I almost dumped a mug of tea in my lap when I was reading it.