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Originally posted by Jonny Axehandle
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| but also because he tries to hide the fact that he is from Kentucky. |
Please explain this to me.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000129/bio
He was born in Syracuse, New York and moved to over 15 different schools by the time he was 14. If your aunt taught him in grade school, it would have been before he was 14. So if he spent an average of less than a year per school year, he isn't "from" any of them. Not even Kentucky.
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A moron at Sephiroth's school
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The War of the Worlds: More like "The War of the Not-That-Greats".
By My currently anonymous friend
Sorry, but I'm not as good at word play as some of the newspapers are. Most of you who have not suffered major head trauma may remember a movie that came out at the end of June called War of the Worlds. This is a movie in which Aliens bury massive robots in the ground a million years ago so they could come back up now and try to destroy Tom Cruise. I guess the aliens were as sick and tired of all his publicity as I was. While these aliens are trying to make Cruise's life as miserable as possible (go aliens!), Tom must struggle to keep his family together. His son feels like he has to fight the aliens so Tom Cruise must use his fatherly knowledge of how the alien brain works to keep him from fighting. Good thing Tom completely grasps the concept of extra-terrestrials so everyone could be well informed. As the movie goes on, we find out that the aliens have a goal. It's not really made clear, but I think that all the aliens wanted was a case of peach schnapps that Tim Robbins finds in his basement. Here is a little known fact about Tim Robbins: he has super human digging abilities. Most houses in the known universe have a solid foundation of concrete. This foundation is maybe one and a half to two feet thick. But some how Tim Robbins dug past this foundation and six feet into pure dirt with only a shovel from his basement. There are two explanations for this. 1) Tim Robbins obtains super-human powers -or- 2) Tim Robbins was raised by a pack of wild heavy construction equipment. The latter is more unlikely. So there is only way that this could have happened: Tim Robbins was in a freak solar flare accident on a space station and everyone on board was given super powers. It makes sense. Oh, something else bothered me about they movie. This one is towards the beginning when we first see the robots. It is mentioned that an EMP (Electro-Magnetic Pulse) is detonated and all things that use electricity are fried. This is shown through Tom Cruise checking all of his near by electronics. But for some strange reason, there is a man on the street with a video camera taping all the action. Unless this man was a crewmember of Tim Robbins, this is a mistake on Spielberg's part. Another thing that was bothersome is that we never see the best actor in the movie; we only hear his voice. Morgan Freeman is hands down one of the coolest people alive and should have been given a major part. One last thing about the actors, child protégé Dakota Fanning, all I have to say is that when she falls, she going to fall hard. Death To Smoochy's Rainbow Randolph hard. If you got that joke then I applaud you. As for now, I must wait until Hollywood pumps out more feces that they pass as entertainment before I become inspired enough to write something out of free will. |
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Not only did that sound like it was utterly desperate to be funny, but it demonstrated just how talentless of a writer they are. |
I would love to explain what I said about Tom Cruise's origin's to you. His family is from Kentucky, and to clarify that, by family I mean Grandparents, and bicariously parents. They live in this state currently. Does Mapother really sound like a name originating in New York to you? And yes, he did go in and out of schools, but he spent quite a lot of time here, and in fact up until his junior year in high school (in fact he attended MY HIGH SCHOOL), and preformed terribly in both acting and academics. He was also a royal pain in the a** to everyone, and treated everyone else like s***. I know, because I know quite a lot of people who were in his class.
Also, please lets not make assumption about my friends mental prowess. He is most definatly not a moron, nor is he talentless. You see, some people like to have opinions. Often they voice these in ways that other people don't like. I understand that you calling him a moron is also an opinion, but you do not know him, and therefore cannot justify that. Being that he did indeed experience the film, he has the ability to say what he thought about it. I'm sorry that you (and others) find his comments about Tim Robbins to be bothersome. However, it is quite odd that the aforementioned events took place, and are slightly humorous to point out. Lets not call him talent less either, or, for that matter, deperate to be funny. I'm not going to call you talent less or deperate to be funny, 1) because I do not know you well enough to judge that and 2) because it's slightly in poor taste. I never claimed it was the greatest piece of writing in the history of mankind, I merely said it was an article on it. In fact it is
NOT A REVIEW, being that he wrote it inteding for it to be read several months after the film was released. So all the criticisms of its biased nature are all fruitless, as you missed the point. Let me restate, that it is his OPINION, on a film. He wrote it to be funny, and most likely, intended to be biased. I put it here because it was relevant, not because I want you all to agree with it.
Also, the first portion of the review is in no way a hate letter to Tom Cruise. The fact of the matter is, Tom Cruise HAS been in the media spot light too much recently, simply for being insane. The reason he pointed out that they were hunting down Tom Cruise, is because he is the main character in the movie, and therefore seems to be the focus of a great deal of the alien's rage. The extra-terristrial comment refers to Scientology, which if you know anything about, happens to have a great deal to do with aliens. I will admit, it was biased against Tom Cruise, but its not an all out attack on him as you interpreted it to be.
Now, I am done defending my friend's work, and you can all go about your business, watching the movie and what not.
) ruin it.